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#2202960 - 12/03/11 11:54 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
God does not want us to listen to music that worships evil, and shows that encourage men to treat woman with like sex objects with little respect. i disagree with you.

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#2202961 - 12/03/11 12:36 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11162
I believe it was also God, or at least His son that said "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

God gave everyone free will. He really doesn't care what we listen to as long as nothing comes out of it. Do you think it was the music that lead your H to have OW?

Hmmm something tells me no. I know many people who listen to that type of stuff and they are some of the most giving people I know. It's not the music that makes bad people.

You just don't want to admit that you don't want to change. Okay, switching gears. What if your son started listening to that type of stuff? Would you condemn him too?

Sounds like you would.

Don't blame outside influences on your H's behavior. You blame the music, the wiles of the OW, etc. And you complain about how miserable you are, etc.

The reason why your "DBing efforts" haven't worked is because you haven't changed the one thing that needed to...you.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2203031 - 12/03/11 09:29 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
Walking Offline
Member

Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 1194
Loc: Australia/Pacific
Rysmom - time to open up your mind and heart to the world girlfriend.

I listen to that sort of music sometimes. I also enjoy great, hot, intimate and sometimes kinky sex. I occasionally watch porn with my lover and sometimes I even ride motorcycles wearing leather. I’ve also been known to drink too much wine and stay out too late!!! I’ve got 3 tattoos and one of them is visable!! &#61514;

But I'm not evil or at odds with God. God blesses me everyday with abundance, hope and happiness.

I'm a very healthy, very happy 40 year old woman, who has fun, loves life and engages with the world every opportunity I get. I go to church. I work for more than half of each month in developing countries engaging women and other marginal groups to build their social and economic capacity. I work with priests, pastors, nuns, sex workers, community leaders, politicians, mothers, men who are violent to their wives, tribal chiefs who make war on their neighbours, women who neglect their children ….

The thing I’ve learned, is that every single person in this world is a child of God and it doesn’t matter if you are an African woman selling herself to pay for food and education for her children, or an Engan warlord determined to kill as many people as he has to to secure land for his tribe … every single one of us is just doing the best we can under the circumstances.

It’s not our place to judge how men live. That’s up to God. What I know is that I come across people every day who behave in ways that a middle-class, anglo-Christian culture might define as “wrong” – but they are doing what they have to do to fulfil what they think is their role here on earth.

I met a sex-worker last week at a Human Rights awareness seminar. We talked for about an hour. She is about 10 years younger than me and she’s got 8 children. She’s from a remote rural village that has no roads, no water or santiation and no access to the cash economy. Her promised husband abandoned her, and she was so ashamed to be left that she left her village and went to the city to get work. The subsequent children she bore were conceived by clients. She has no access to medical treatment and when she asks a man to wear a condom, she’s often assaulted – and then made to have unprotected sex. She is HIV+. She is illiterate, she takes drugs to numb herself while she’s working and there is some evidence that she may be involved in the organized crime cartel in the place she lives.
So on the face of it – a “bad” person yes? The reality is, she’s a woman who has 5 children to support with no skills or attributes to contribute to the mainstream economy. She does what she has to do. After we’d spoken and I was leaving, she said to me, in her language, which is much more colourful than this rough translation … “I am ashamed of my life, but I am proud that God has given me a heart to love with and hands to cook with … maybe that’s all any person deserves.” Then she asked me to pray with her.

Ironically, its often the priests, pastors and politicians, who on the face of it appear to be living “upright and godly lives” who are those carrying hate and prejudice in their hearts. I think that’s what God despises.

We are sent on this life journey to learn how to Love. Love means acceptance and it means tolerance. It means loving and giving in spite of all the other stuff.

It’s time for you to learn how to Love, Rysmom. Love yourself (I know it’s easier said than done – but you can do it) and the rest will fall into place.

(((hugs))) V
_________________________
V

Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.

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#2203215 - 12/05/11 04:14 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
Rys, I agree with you that we are to turn from those things which are not good. We are to think on those things which are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report, and if there is any virtue and praise think of these things. That's from the Bible. Most people are very worldly, and don't really care how God told us to conduct our lives. Or they think God should change with the times. Jesus did not say never to judge whether or not a behavior is sin or not, He was saying to be prepared to be judged by the same standard of judgment. It is a warning against self deception and hypocrisy.

That being said, we are also are to live in peace with our spouses, even if they do not believe as we do. My S and I are Christians and my H is not. The Bible says the unbelieving H has been sanctified through his believing W. Many a H or W has been led to Christ through his or her spouse. My H is happy to go to church with us, and I hope one day he will become a Christian. It will be a happy day for me to see him walk down the aisle to confess belief in Christ and be baptized. But until then, I accept him for who he is. He would never corrupt my S, and I don't believe your H would corrupt your S, either. I think Howard Stern is despicable, too, and if my H listened to him, I would leave the room until it was over. Even if I don't agree with him, I have to respect him. You can't beat a man over the head with what's right and wrong and expect him to stick around. That doesn't win souls to Christ, either.

Have you pretty much decided you don't want your H back? If so, then you do have the right to D him, since he is committing adultery.

I really hope for the best for you, rys.

vc

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#2203395 - 12/06/11 12:57 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: verycrazy]
sgctxok Offline
Member

Registered: 02/06/01
Posts: 10731
hi rys-

Happy Holidays!

Seriously, you have the best brainstorming on your threads. Our community really cares about you and wants to see you succeed.

Whatever the choices you make for your life, you have some serious care and support here.

Wishing you the BEST and wonderful holiday!

sg wink
_________________________
sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001

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#2203413 - 12/06/11 03:01 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: sgctxok]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10872
Loc: west coast
Walking...what a post!

I want to know what your job is. And maybe donate to your organization. Or join it!

I really appreciate your post and your wisdom. And your message of tolerance and love. Christ said "the greatest of these commandments, is love."

((( )))
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

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#2203635 - 12/07/11 12:24 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: 25yearsmlc]
Walking Offline
Member

Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 1194
Loc: Australia/Pacific
Thanks 25. I'm an admirer. cool

Nothing so nobel wink I work for Resource companies. The resource sector have quite stringent social obligation to establish sustainable community programs in exploration and development sites. I work with communities affected by the resource industies to establish social and economic development programs to support the community through the rapid changes and impacts resources have on peoples lives. I set up local governance arrangements and work with the groups over the medium term to build their capacity to run themselves.

We do lots of Human Rights Awareness too - it's my current passion. All these countries sign up to the Declaration on Human Rights, even formalise the principles in their Constitution, but none of them implement them - and the citizenry doesn't know they exist. With resource development come hoards of mobile men with money (MMM) and it's survival of the fittest. Women in particular become exploited - and it's my mission to provide the support communities need to embrace gender equity in participation and respect for all peoples rights - particualrly the marginal. It's a long slow slog, but there's some great work being done around the world and I'm so excited to be part of it.

I'm living my dream life and this site and MWD philosophy of changing yourself to change everything and everyone else in your life has in many ways made this possible.

This place, MWD, changed my life.

I came here as a controlling, overwrought, depressed, 30something year old with everything I ever wanted and nothing that made me happy.

I lived through a painful divorce and remade myself into the woman who was waiting to exist all along.

I lived the life I thought I was supposed to live, MWD and my friends, supporters , antagonists and wise people who had gone before me here gave me the skills and resources to find the authentic woman, living inside the frightened little girl who had been ruling my life until then.

We are all victims of our pasts. We carry baggage and unhelpful beliefs that we constantly have to check to see if they are about what we really believe, or about what we think everyone says we should believe.

I've learned to release control and let the hand of God and his angels guide me through life ... and I've got to tell you ... it's working for me. I can recommend it.

Rysmom, I've been reading you for years, and I really do care about you and know that something is switching on inside of you telling you that you deserve a bigger and happier life than the one you are living now. And you know that deep in your heart that place isn't far away. You are beginning to see it is possible to love yourself in the way God loves you. When we love ourselves it becomes possible for others to love us.

V smile
_________________________
V

Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.

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#2203646 - 12/07/11 01:08 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: Walking]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10872
Loc: west coast
now That's an encore, Walking...

laugh
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

Top
#2203658 - 12/07/11 02:07 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: Walking]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
Thanks very much for you post. You are right until i learn to love myself no one else is going to love me. I like myself a lot more than i did 5 yrs ago, but know i still have to have faith and courage to continue on this journey. In a way i am very grateful that i had to go through this living hell for the past 5 yrs. I never would have had the faith and courage that i do today if i hadn't.
I pray that God keeps you safe, and you are doing a good service for humanity.

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#2203663 - 12/07/11 02:39 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11162
I think you missed the point of everyone else's post to you about acceptance of others opinions especially your spouses.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
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