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#2200566 - 11/22/11 06:23 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
Drew Offline
Member

Registered: 03/03/07
Posts: 2092
What happened to no excuses?
_________________________
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.

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#2200568 - 11/22/11 06:28 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10882
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: dolphin
i text h and told him sons school payment is past due. he text back okay dokay, that drives me nuts, he sounds so happy


and you wish he were miserable???



probably planning holiday with ow.


mind reading...


i was feeling really good this morning, and his text made me very sad.


You are letting yourself be controlled by how you think he "sounds" on a text...rysmom, read that again. Your prior post was SO healthy...now compare that one to this one. THIS stuff is not healthy and THIS stuff is on you.

You can control it...




he is so happy go lucky it makes me sad.


aside from the mind reading, b/c maybe he just wanted to sound upbeat and not complain about a money request--you chose to let it "make" you sad.

If he'd been curt to you , that would have "made" you sad too, or angry. If he'd been snappy or angry or "Sounded" irked, that would have made you sad.

Just call him up and tell him these things. I don't get the "text only", combined with so much mind reading...has it worked? You must have to guess way too much.


But that's not my main point. My real point is

Why let someone else's mood, or what they are doing or thinking or feeling

"MAKE" YOU... anything? Your happiness is yours to control and only yours. Its' free will.



Have a good Thanksgiving with your son. Might be a good one to create some memories for. Why didn' you invite anyone over? Just curious...
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

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#2200676 - 11/23/11 03:19 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: 25yearsmlc]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
Why would i want him to be happy having a life with ow? that would be crazy. I know i have to work on the mind reading thing, i dont know why i do that. i know i have to break the habit of doing it.

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#2200678 - 11/23/11 03:28 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
His mother always said okey dokey. I want him to be as sad as i am about the break up of our family. It makes me angry when he is happy, it seems he has no conscience then. i dont know if its a MLC, or he's a narcissist and id be better off alone. In almost every business or personal relationship, he bribes people to get what he wants. Do you think that's honest and healthy? Im starting to wonder, now that im looking at our relationship from the outside. Maybe it was unhealthy.

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#2200680 - 11/23/11 03:35 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
I think son and i are going to go to my sisters for thanksgiving. Her 1 1/2 yr old grand daughter wont be there, thats who i wanted to see the most, but it should be fun. its a long drive though 2 1/2 hrs each way.

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#2200682 - 11/23/11 03:39 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10882
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: dolphin
His mother always said okey dokey. I want him to be as sad as i am about the break up of our family. It makes me angry when he is happy, it seems he has no conscience then.

Or...maybe...just maybe, he really is just happier.

Not "evil" or horrible, but at peace...it IS possible, isn't it?

What then? Wouldn't your best and only option then be, to DETACH so his emotions have no effect on you?



i dont know if its a MLC, or he's a narcissist and id be better off alone. In almost every business or personal relationship, he bribes people to get what he wants.

Does that sound like what he does with you?

Do you think that's honest and healthy?


Clearly it's not honest. And if it's not to save a life, I don't see how it's healthy either.


Im starting to wonder, now that im looking at our relationship from the outside. Maybe it was unhealthy.


maybe so...So then, now what?
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

Top
#2200764 - 11/23/11 03:38 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: 25yearsmlc]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11167
"Why would i want him to be happy having a life with ow?"

You haven't changed at all. You don't need to "want" him to be happy. You need to accept the current situation the way it is. Because you don't, you turn out vindictive and spiteful. Not a good way to have your H want you over the OW.

"I want him to be as sad as i am about the break up of our family."

It's been over three years. He was probably sad about it before, but you can't get over the fact that he's trying to be happy. The tattoos, the bike, the OW. They are all forms of escapism. Again, if you haven't changed (condemning, opinionated, etc.) why would he want to come back to you?

"It makes me angry when he is happy, it seems he has no conscience then. i dont know if its a MLC, or he's a narcissist"

Neither. He just doesn't see you as a willing option right now. Everyone seems to see it except you. Have you ever thought that maybe it's you the reason why he doesn't want to come back? Just being honest.

"In almost every business or personal relationship, he bribes people to get what he wants."

Earlier you mentioned how he was a great businessman, honest, etc. NOW you say he bribes people. You do understand that since you know that, you are a beneficiary of this dirty money. Yet you seem fine when he gives you money. So what is it? You can't have both.

Just being honest here. IMHO you need to take a look at those things and see what's wrong. In fact, 25mlc had posted a number of questions to you before but you never answered. So I really don't know if you're serious about this or not, and that's why I wasn't sure if your sitch was even real.

You think it's going to be real easy. Once H is home, everything will be okay and he'll listen and follow everything you say. Won't happen. Change comes from within first.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2201770 - 11/28/11 06:34 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
Hi, rys, I hope you and your S had a wonderful Thanksgiving. And I hope your Monday isn't like mine here-nonstop rain since yesterday!

How are you doing?

vc

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#2201918 - 11/29/11 04:18 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: verycrazy]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
Thanksgiving was ok. How was yours? son and i went to my sister's. it was nice to get away. she works at night now, so she had to sleep during the day and didnt get to see her much. My nephew and my mother were there too.
I have appt tomorrow night with L at woman's center. it only costs 12 for half an hour. i wont use him for d but i want to ask some questions. i think im going to file soon i cant live like this in limbo anymore. if i didnt have to worry about money h and ow may be spending and hiding i could stll wait.
I met with man tonight to put ad in church bulletin for my business. he was a real character. I hope i get lots of business from ad.
The weather here has been unseasonably mild, im really enjoying it.

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#2201942 - 11/29/11 09:01 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
Thanksgiving here was a massive pigout, but I always go into the holidays knowing it will be. I'm glad you and S ended up going to visit your family.

It will be good for you to speak with a L who can give you the answers you need. The fear you feel about H spending so much is reason enough. I hope he can set your mind at ease, and let you know where to go from here.

I hope you get lots of business from your ad, too. So, what sort of character was the guy?

Right now, it is STILL raining, and we are supposed to have snow flurries, but they are wrong a lot. S would like to have a snow day smile but it doesn't look like it will be. It will probably snow like mad when we are supposed to go to the mountains. That would be ok, but not until we are there safely in the cabin. Didn't y'all have a bunch of snow a few weeks ago?

vc

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