Yeah, I have to give a lot of credit to H. He's NOT being the man he could or should be, but he is providing for us and spending good time with the babies. He was very honest a few weeks ago and now he's pulled away again. I thank you for that article on the dance. I am a pursuer, a fixer, and a smotherer. Maybe I do need to just move away and let him jump in or not - at least then I'll know. Do I tell him I am going to see an Atty before, after, not at all? What are your thoughts there?
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. --Stanislaw Lem
In my sitch, my thoughts are to avoid all that. It would be good if WAW & I can just come to a mutual understanding and minimize the effects of the court system on our lives. In Nevada, getting a D isn't a real big deal, as long as it is uncontested. We've both had consultations and neither of us really like the results. I think, when/if we get to that point, she and I will sit down and do divorcewriter.com and just get it done.
I'd prolly not go with the big "surprise" route. If the two of you are communicating, then keep doing it.
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." - Maria Robinson
M: 45 WAW: 36 T: 17 M: 14 Kids: D9 ILYBNILWY: 6/2010 W left: 2/2011 W back: 2/2012
So I am thinking - what's the next step? Do I stand and risk a financial hit and more heartbreak? Do I accomodate's H's moodiness by bending over backwards to keep the kids and I close enough that he can still visit all the time? Do I say, look, I am here for you, let me know if you want to talk (in other state)? Or do I go dark, stop sending pics of the kids, stop having more than basic convos with him, etc? And see what he does?
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. --Stanislaw Lem
I'd go dark. It's helped me a lot in my switch. Kind of step away and live my life on my terms helps to give clarity. Over on ninelives thread, someone posted a thing on MidLife Crisis. It makes sense and I have had success with it in my site. This is the link http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate...d-distance.html
Hope this helps.
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." - Maria Robinson
M: 45 WAW: 36 T: 17 M: 14 Kids: D9 ILYBNILWY: 6/2010 W left: 2/2011 W back: 2/2012
Hi all - exciting news, I've met someone new and am engaged and due with his baby in April 2012.
PSYCH. just seeing if you were awake. No MLC or nasty rebound for me yet.
I am moving back to parent's town in 2 weeks. H is driving our stuff back. I'll keep you all updated. Quiet for now. We had a pretty major convo 2 weeks ago. Seems like H is near bttom. He has the date his insurance policy no longer has any restrictions on it memorized. I'm going to wife him a bit and make sure he has a counseling appt before and after we move. He loves us very much, but isn't in any sort of reconciliation place. We'll see what some patience and distance bring.
The kids and I will have family, he and I will have safer finances (paying off school loans), and some other considerations.
We'll see what happens.
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. --Stanislaw Lem
LOL. Very funny AJM80! Glad you are coming here with a sense of humor about all this.
FWIW, I think your plan is sound, esp. the counseling part. Separation and familial support will help you. There never anything wrong with getting ur finances "safe." Keep doing what you're doing and keep the faith.
Thanks for the update. It's good to hear from you.
OMW
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." - Maria Robinson
M: 45 WAW: 36 T: 17 M: 14 Kids: D9 ILYBNILWY: 6/2010 W left: 2/2011 W back: 2/2012
Hahaha - KD, RULE 1 for dating is don't "F" crazy. Crude, but remember that. It's why affairs rarely work out in the long run, Charlie Sheen can't stay married, and strippers generally don't work out as wives. Maybe I'll do a little rebound dating next spring, but I know I'm not ready now. The crazy thing is we all still love each other. H just isn't fixing his "crazy" and he and I both know it's a good rule. He doesn't want to let us or himself down. And he's not ready to fix himself and be the man I've always seen him to be.
How are you guys doing? I'll drop in and see soon, but moving is making things a bit nuts.
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. --Stanislaw Lem
I'm just trying to figure out how to get my W to file... maybe I should show up there with my suitcase and tell her I'm moving back in... I think she's got her future all planned out now, so she's full on D mode now... I am pretty OK with that...
Talked to my nutbar aunt today for the first time about my sitch. There was no such thing as DBing back in the day, 20 years ago... but funny, her L told her "no contact" for her and uncle until settlement signed... she said it worked great for her.
She said to me that there's no point getting seriously involved with any new lady now that I have kids... it actually made sense... I think she might be smart, that way... lol
just seeing if you were awake. No MLC or nasty rebound for me yet.