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#2171664 - 07/26/11 09:57 PM Re: The year of not my problem [Re: kml]
AJM Offline
Member

Registered: 11/26/08
Posts: 2971
True KML. It has occurred to me that you can't fill a glass that is already full; you have to empty it first wink

Annoying that it wasn't what I wanted at the time, surprising that it is now, and seems to be the way it needs to be.

Peace,

AJ
_________________________
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."

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#2172956 - 07/31/11 04:42 PM Re: The year of not my problem [Re: AJM]
AJM Offline
Member

Registered: 11/26/08
Posts: 2971
Journal entry:
Not surprised, but the stbx (really a done deal, but not signed by the judge yet) was going to pick s13 up from church today. She didn't show. He suddenly recalls that his mom rescheduled the trip. I was notified earlier in the week, so not a long time ago. She never told me. The part that gets me is that I was going to leave him there for her to pick him up. I also realize it is a poke to the eye to not care about my time in that way. Got it.
Otherwise, life is good to great depending on the day smile

AJ
_________________________
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."

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#2174139 - 08/03/11 07:59 PM Re: The year of not my problem [Re: AJM]
AJM Offline
Member

Registered: 11/26/08
Posts: 2971
Journal Entry:
stbx texted yesterday that she wanted to take the kids to the therapist tonight. Fine with me. Seems odd that she wanted to "fit" them in, and that my son was going as well.

At least she picked them up like she said she would smile

I'm bone tired. Been a rough day today. Started with a phone call this morning and hasn't stopped since and won't before 11pm est. But I love it wink

AJ
_________________________
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."

Top
#2175154 - 08/07/11 05:19 PM Re: The year of not my problem [Re: AJM]
AJM Offline
Member

Registered: 11/26/08
Posts: 2971
Journal Entry:
Things are humming along. Been sick the past few days; not a lot of fun, but I'll live.

A little down today. My guess is it is just the aftermath of the last few weeks events and being overly tired.

I was thinking about stbx (just waiting for the judge to sign off) and I hate that it consume my time like that. I know why it is; she keeps texting me and sending email. The last week has been quiet though, and I like that more than I'd like to admit. Why? Because of my sense of comittment and a feeling that things aren't as done as I'd like. My guess is that she'll continue to harass for a while. I rarely respond and it seems to help.

My daughter sent me an email the other day. Last Sunday. In the email, I saw many things. Some of them her mothers feelings and words. I suppose that ex is going to try to hurt via the kids then. And that my daughter is the one picking up the fight. I hate that she is going through this, but realize I cannot stop that. I can only support my daughter in a loving and firm way (firm because I have to be a parent and cannot let her abuse; she's 16 so some of that is expected).

Later,

AJ
_________________________
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."

Top
#2175377 - 08/08/11 10:42 AM Re: The year of not my problem [Re: AJM]
AJM Offline
Member

Registered: 11/26/08
Posts: 2971
Hmm. Seems an ah-ha moment is going to come when it is darn good and ready.

It occurred to me, now that both daughter and ex are signing the same song about me being alone, that it is possible that ex wants me to have a girlfriend so she can feel less guilty.

Odd. Why is that important I wonder. Anyway, no worries about that. If anything, I'm more inclined to be alone so I can feel my own feelings without any interruptions. It gets busy sometimes wink

AJ
_________________________
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."

Top
#2175649 - 08/08/11 08:11 PM Re: The year of not my problem [Re: AJM]
ClingingToHope Offline
Member

Registered: 09/07/09
Posts: 3068
Loc: Illinois, United States
I saw a joke on here once about the XHubby getting a hot younger girlfriend and couldn't wait to see the XW to make her jealous. The XW though wasn't jealous. She was happy so perhaps the XH would stop obsessing about her.

It was written in a funnier way than I described.

Back in '09, pre-split, XW said the "one thing" that will hurt is if I do find someone younger, who likes to do outdoor, physical activities.

I think my XW really wants me to find someone to prove she was right, we weren't made for each other.

Of course, XW now is on Match and is messaging a couple of guys. It'll be interesting how she reacts to being out there again.
_________________________
Me: 45, Ds 15-11, D final 6-11
http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz
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#2176000 - 08/09/11 05:51 PM Re: The year of not my problem [Re: ClingingToHope]
AJM Offline
Member

Registered: 11/26/08
Posts: 2971
Thanks CTH. I get the gist. I think the real heart of this board is getting to the point where it matters not what the X says or thinks. That is why it bothered me that the thought came into my head. To understand at this point is silly but it is what it is, right?

The funny thing is that it nags at me. It's RIDICULUOUS!!!! and nuttier than squirrel s**t (to re-use a phrase seen elsewhere). It's like saying, "I don't want you, but I want to feel like I didn't leave you hopeless, so here...." What's also odd is that as I write that, I've realized I've seen that pattern from her many times. She tried it with the other guys while I thought we were still working things out. Even the current boyfriend she tried to pawn off on a friend. But she wanted me to be ok and have somebody else. Oh, and she hated me and wants me to be alone. At the same time. smile

Anyway, it's just odd. Just journaling and now letting it slide away. Thanks for the feedback.

later,

AJ
_________________________
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."

Top
#2176586 - 08/10/11 10:27 PM Re: The year of not my problem [Re: AJM]
AJM Offline
Member

Registered: 11/26/08
Posts: 2971
Journal. Funny, several friends over the last few days have asked me about things. For the first time in a while several have started trying to hook me up with ladies they know. From a feedback perspective, that's kind of nice as it reflects what they see. They also mention that I sound very done. I am, but it's interesting that they mention it outwardly unprompted. I guess I just notice things. smile
Just journaling.
_________________________
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."

Top
#2177951 - 08/14/11 09:58 PM Re: The year of not my problem [Re: AJM]
AJM Offline
Member

Registered: 11/26/08
Posts: 2971
Journal:
Huh. Seems some of the feelings are still there. Thought I was past much more of this. I'm a wreck some days lately. That's partly from the stress, but partly that my mind is making some connections that before I hadn't made. I still don't think like that, so it's not natural to get these stray connections.

It occurred to me that she was using me for the anger. Ok. Break that connection. Check.

I occurred to me that she wants me to date so she doesn't feel bad about what she's done. Makes things "even" so to speak. That's a thought I had and I have learned to go with many of those thoughts; I've been right more than wrong. The thing is, I'll do what's right for me. Regardless. It doesn't change my feelings. It does however explain some things which brings a sort of peace in a weird way.

Anyhow, just journaling. My son came over today after his beach trip. Very nice to see him and hang out. We watched blazing saddles smile

Later,

AJ
_________________________
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."

Top
#2179547 - 08/19/11 07:45 PM Re: The year of not my problem [Re: AJM]
AJM Offline
Member

Registered: 11/26/08
Posts: 2971
Journaling: My feelings feel like they have been through the meat grinder. But I feel much better, if not a bit detached.

I think it sunk in that ex did what she knows how to do. I don't fault her for it in so much as she did what she did. I don't agree nor do I like what she did/does, but that's different.

Feeling good.

AJ
_________________________
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."

Top
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