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Originally Posted By: XYZ
She said, "That's how I felt last night, like you were just saying you liked the cat because you thought that's what I'd want you to do".


If I saw that...I'm sure she did.

Give when you don't not expect a reaction or are trying to curry favor, but doing it because you truly want to give. I think this is "true giving." And that includes verbal support.

Don't get me wrong. I walk that fine like so damn often I oughta be in the circus.

My biggest issue is when to back off. Throughout our marriage I'm more the giver. I mean, if my wife is out of soda, I'll remember to pick some up for her at the store w/o her reminding me. I remember all the b-days, anniversaries, special moments, etc.

Now, I'm trying to do stuff that I genuinely want to do. The problem is that I think what I genuinely want to do is too much. I have a problem saying no. I have to rely on my W at bit.

But I am learning. Like last night my W says "Don't make the kids lunches." before I would have, now I don't.

Honestly, that is the good thing about moving out. I won't get the opportunity to do the little things anymore. I really, really don't mind doing them and I don't keep a scorecard. But what will I do with the free time.

A little story. Last night I was running along a busy street with houses on one side. A garage door opened and a little dog shot out towards the street. The owner screamed out the dog's name in sheer panic. The dog then veered and made a B-line toward me. He then stopped for some reason and rolled over. I picked up the mutt and went to the owner to give her dog back. I have a dog...my dogs have gotten out. I was happy to let this woman avoid that panic. now most people would have done the same, but I didn't do b/c I expected anything (other than to spare the mutt getting run over) In fact, I handed the dog over and continued running.

Of course, it made me feel good because it was giving. Now if the owner would have just stopped an expected me to catch her dog. I would feel very different (though done the same thing)

You can do that and have that with your W.

(there goes Harrier, making the thread about him)


Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.
--Jean Jacques Rousseau.
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one more thing.

X.

You W wants her to be a priority to you. She wants you to feel that all your own. She doesn't want to force you to make her a priority. If you do it the right way she will see, feel it and and respect you for it.

one of my fav quotes on this:

You can’t respect someone who kisses your a$$. I just doesn’t work”, Ferris Bueller


Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.
--Jean Jacques Rousseau.
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It's odd, but I'm not sure if I had a good weekend or not....

I had the kids Friday night and Saturday morning & afternoon until about 3 pm. W checked in a ton, even to the point of apologizing for it. She said "she missed people". I told her it was fine and I certainly understood how she felt. I know that means the kids, but she didn't check that much before piecing so that's good I guess.

W and kids went to MIL house Sat afternoon overnight. They called me Sunday morning. W told me that she got in a huge fight with her brother and her mother. This is twice in a row that she's seen her mother and they got into a fight. Last time she didn't tell me what it was about and I didn't ask. This time she went into details about it. It felt good that she was confiding in me again about it, but it concerns me deeply that she still can't get along with anyone. She used the exact same words to describe how her mother acted that she has used in the past to describe how I acted. She used to be so close to her mother and that relationship started to get strained about the same time ours did. Coincidence? Doubtful. Wonder if she's try to divorce her mother now? lol

Not much contact the rest of Sunday until the evening. Kids called and I had a nice chat with W again. She asked me about my day and told me about theirs. She told me that she hoped we could get our MC appt this week and she would ping her referral source since she hadn't heard back yet. That was nice...

So, nothing bad, but I really miss my family and hate being lonely. I tried to stay busy Sunday but even with a good workout and a bunch of errands I still had a lot of downtime. I can one handle so many episodes of "Swamp Wars" on Discovery Channel before I start to get worried about big-a$$ snakes hiding under my bed. So ironic to me that I used to long for a little downtime (I remember complaining that I never had any me time; no time to just sit and watch TV; and that was true-I didn't. Now I have a ton and would give it all up in a second.).

Anyway, welcome to a brand new week...


M: 39 W: 37
Married: 9
D5; S3
"It's Over" 09/26/10
11 Day Sep 10/10
Piecing Starts 11/4/10
Piecing Fails 4/11
I move out 5/11
Hire Lawyer 6/11 - Stall 6/22/11
Piecing #2 - 6/22/11
Home 10/11
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 391
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Joined: Oct 2010
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M: 39 W: 37
Married: 9
D5; S3
"It's Over" 09/26/10
11 Day Sep 10/10
Piecing Starts 11/4/10
Piecing Fails 4/11
I move out 5/11
Hire Lawyer 6/11 - Stall 6/22/11
Piecing #2 - 6/22/11
Home 10/11
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