I haven't posted here in many months and now I am back to pick your brains. I am hoping that someone can give further informarion on when they reach rock bottom.
After they have reached rock bottom where does the MLCer go then? Does their depression start to lighten as they enter withdrawal or is the depression just as deep? Does the LBS see any changes at all or only in retrospect?
I would love to hear any observations that you may have on this.
Not sure exactly what you're asking. Are you asking when the LBS hits rock bottom or the MLCer?
If it's the MLCer, I don't know that my H completely fits the bill, but he did reach a turnaround point. It would be easier for you to read my thread than for me to repeat. I can't say as an LBS I have reached rock bottom. But it's certainly been tough as I'm sure you know.
"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"
M18 Me39,H42 D16 Bomb 1/10 Moved out 3/10 OW 6/10 H wants to R,OW gone 11/10 H moves back 5/11 H wants to wear rings again 9/11
I think you are asking what happens when the MLC'r reaches rock bottom. Well, I can't say for a fact, as my XH hasn't reached it yet apparently, but I would think the only place to go from rock bottom is up. And as slow as the trip is down, the climb back up may be even slower.
Will we as the LBS' see change. I suppose that depends on if they are still around and care by the time the trip is over. I believe some may never reach that point of reconnection. Some, like my XH, would be too proud to admit he had been an asshat.
However, my brother hit a rock bottom from alcoholism & drugs about 2 years ago. And he speeks of it now and has explained it somewhat to me.
My Big brother got to a point that the alc. & drugs over took his life. He said he started to feel like everyone no longer was having fun with him as a drunk - but instead started to get upset with some of his shananagins/bullcrap. He was selling house hold items to pay for his drugs & booze, cuz my parents stopped helping him with cash flow. MY brother drank heavily for about 10 years, and every year he got deeper & deeper.
He got to a point that he was suicidal and tried to run his truck into some trees in a farm field down the road from the house we grew up in. Luckily, he text my oldest brother & I at that time for help. This was his Text, word-for-word at 4:45 am after an all night drink & drug binge: "This is my cry for help, I hate myself,I hate my life, I hate who I am, I dont know what to do but I know I dont want my life, I hate myself".
Immediately in a frantic search we found him up the road in a field next to his car. My parents then took him to the psych ward at the hostipal. From there, He was placed in rehab and stayed for impatient care for a month.
This was almost two years ago now. My brother currently goes to A.A. meetings everyday and sometimes twice a day. He is also now the chair person for the program. HE IS NOW A CHANGED MAN - happier than ever, dating a wonderful girl who he met in A.A., and wont even take cough medicine because it has alcohol in it.
Now I know that I am referring to an alchoholics rock bottom and not a MLCers Rock Bottom. But I tend to think they must be similar because they are both the lowest point in there life they can reach.
My now sober brother tells me that my H needs to hit that rock bottom, and until he does, he will continue in his ways and keep spiraling down. I am very scared right now because my H had suicidal tendicies the first time he left me. Who knows what my H's rock bottom will be, but I sure as heck hope that he gets help before doing anything crazy.
Hope this helps (maybe even just a tiny bit). TIPPER
I don't post much,but will give you my take. I am a MLC'er who made it through. You must hit rock bottom to begin the process of reitegrating yourself backinto life as a normal healthy functioning human being. I don't think all MLC'ers are capable of allowing themselves to hit bottom but instead keep running or hiding from there appointment with there destiny to become a more peaceful person.
I remember the exact place i was when i hit rock bottom. Being in MLC is the most painful frustrating emotional experience I have ever had in my life. At the same time it was the most rewarding. That is only because I made it through. I personally know many who have not. Now that I am through its easier to see this in people.
Unfortunately i am now dealing with an MLC/WAW. I get to see the other side first hand. It is no fun on this side either but no where near as painful going through it.
As someone who watched an MLCer come out of the tunnel, I have to say that I couldn't tell when he hit rock bottom. He did continue to process, but at what point Depression merged into Withdrawal wasn't clear. He did gradually become far less communicative with me (although he poured out his heart to several inappropriate people he'd never have trusted normally), and cycled very rapidly: he could talk enthusiastically about 8 different (and contradictory) life choices he might make in the space of 60 seconds--he was very confused. There were times when he seemed less depressed, but also times when he seemed more depressed. The depression lightened more during Acceptance, coming in shorter bursts at that point.
I am not sure if you allready have a thread in which you describe the final phases or not. If so, where? If not, just curious if you could elaborate on your last stages: dep. withdrawl and acceptance. What exactly were you doing and saying during those times. What woke you up. How did you get the help to become emotionally mature. Describe your rock bottom to us,PLEASE! thank you, TIPPER
Start to finish 2 1/2 yrs The last 6 months were coming out of it slowly. depression was there for the entire time in MLC for me. I honestly don't remember 6 months to 1 yr of the journey. It was pure h@ll/pain/agony everyday I woke up. It took every ounce of energy just to complete a day. There was no energy there for anyone or anything else but me. Forgive me if my timing is off but exact time lines are vague. I tried to journal some things while I was in it but stopped due to the mass confusion which was about 100% of the time.
I read books about MLC while I was in it as I thought that is what is happening to me. I prayed for forgiveness to the people I thought hurt me. Eventually I was able to see that it was me who had to get me through this.
Rock bottom was about 1 yr 8-9 mths in. The pain seemed to start to lift after rock bottom but that day was the worst of the journey.
I think coming to terms with forgiveness was the key for me. Nobody could have helped me through it. I had to do it myself but the pain is so intense that I think people stop because of it(my opinion)
I still ask the question why do human beings have to go through this. My only answer is something inside of us (soul, being) leads you in a direction of real growth(soul growth)and it is an opportunity we all get.
The issue I have is all the destruction that is caused because a lot of people are not equipped to get through it and in turn handle what could be a time to strengthen marriages, relationships into a total debacle.
Sorry this is jumbled but I still have a hard time explaining the MLC nightmare/opportunity.
No I think you did very well thank you for that explanation. Most people do not remember what went on in their own transitions.
Someone (a customer of mine) pointed out to me that I more tha likely went through my own transition about 15 years ago. I was mean and yelled at customers and vendors, I vaguely remeber this time, although I didn't cheat on my wife or divorce her I do remeber being always MAD at someone. Other than that I have no mememory at all, HeartBlessings has told me that it is common to forget this painful time in your life.
BTW the customer who is older than my mother now told me I am very calm and polite now. So I guess we all get through it.
