Exactly. But I'm keeping my eye on the prize. Just hope i'm worth it to her eventually.
M-34 W-31 2 S,11&11 1 D, 6 T 13 YEARS M 12 YEARS ILYBINILWY OCT. 2009 We are too close. All we see are smears of paint. The Lord sees the masterpiece He is painting.
Love can keep Hope alive. Hope can keep Faith alive. Faith can keep Love alive.
M-34 W-31 2 S,11&11 1 D, 6 T 13 YEARS M 12 YEARS ILYBINILWY OCT. 2009 We are too close. All we see are smears of paint. The Lord sees the masterpiece He is painting.
How are your children faring with all this? Do you get much time with them? Do you have any tips on controlling your emotions around them and your wife? Is she still attached to you financially? I have so many questions on what to do now.
Me 39 W 37 S 5 D 2.75 Married 12 years Together 14 years Bomb Dropped 08/16/10
1)My wife and I have made our children THE priority thru this. They still have emotional problems with it. But they are my little troopers. The wife and I continuously focus on making sure their lives stay as "normal" as possible. 2)I can never have enough time with them. But I get every other weekend and if I have an unexpected day off, she will usually invite me over to see them. With my shift at work (5PM-3AM), it is really a challenge to get to see them. Technically, this weekend is my wifes weekend, but we're working on a plan for us both to get some 0ne-on-one time with them. 3)As far as controlling my emotions.......Thats a hard one. For me, I had to truly decide that winning the marriage was more important than expressing myself. She already knows how I feel. It helped to realize that to say the loving or bitter things I wanted to (and still want to) say made sad or angry. Or worse yet, indifferent. 4)Financially, as much as "people" tell me i should do otherwise, I am doing the lions share of the money-raising and I made the decision that my family ending up homeless or hungry wouldn't help my marriage either. I'll always take care of my family. And if I think they need more of my money than some judge who doesn't know them, then I'll see they get it. 5) As far as what you do now, I recommend you take some time to yourself,meditate, pray, and even think deeply about what you truly want and want to do. Then, you need to research to decide how to bring about what you want. Make sure you give small goals that are reachable and recognizable. The best advice I can give is: Try to make yourself be yourself. Do things that bring enjoyment to you. If you're angry or sad, would you want you back? Keep up your hopes. "Hope for the best, plan for the worst." If somehow a divorce should happen and you decide to move on, you have to be happy with you and your efforts. I have decided that even if the divorce does go thru, I'm still not giving up. May seem naive, but with Gods help I'm keeping my vow to Him. But that's my decision and I won't pretend to tell you what to do. Hope this helps.
M-34 W-31 2 S,11&11 1 D, 6 T 13 YEARS M 12 YEARS ILYBINILWY OCT. 2009 We are too close. All we see are smears of paint. The Lord sees the masterpiece He is painting.
It does help thank you. I am not giving up either. Mostly for my children. My wife has some childhood issues that have surfaced as the kids reach milestones and I think they have had a role in this whole crisis. I am not saying that I am not at fault. I neglected my marriage and did not have the communication skills necessary to diffuse arguments and be empathetic to her. But, I have changed and I am changing and I am ready to do whatever it takes. She knows this and still does not want to work on the marriage. My dad told me today that when the chemistry is gone, reason is irrelevant. She will find ways to justify her actions because she does not want to be responsible for the failure of the marriage. I know I have resentment because she is blaming me for everything and yet says she does not hate me. She says that I am acting crazy and she is afraid of what I will do from one day to the next. I do not understand what she is afraid of. I feel like Forest Gump with Jenny. I have to let her make her mistakes and wait for her to come back.
Me 39 W 37 S 5 D 2.75 Married 12 years Together 14 years Bomb Dropped 08/16/10
The only other advice I can give is: let go of the resentment, if you can. Mine still tries to rise up in me, but I don't push it down. I let it and I look at it. Then, once I understand why it came up this time, I let it go. You'll probably say it's usually for the same reason. But what made it come up this time. usually in my case, it's triggered by some smaller action. Then It builds for the same reason. Cause I let it. I decided, I'm in control of my emotions and I can't shove them down when they start. They just build to big and I'll say something mean or stupid. So I let it build slowly and look at why I feel this way. Then, the hardest part, I decide I don't want to feel that way. If Love is a decision, so is anger, jealousy and resentment. But the decision is yours. Good Luck with it. I'm praying for ya.
M-34 W-31 2 S,11&11 1 D, 6 T 13 YEARS M 12 YEARS ILYBINILWY OCT. 2009 We are too close. All we see are smears of paint. The Lord sees the masterpiece He is painting.
So, I had tonight and tomorrow night off and she decided this would be some good quality, family time. It's very hard not to actively work on my marriage while I'm here. But, I'm a friend. Will always be her friend. At least that. It's so weird. I used to dislike poetry and prose. Always said I was an engineer, not an artist. But since she took her rings off, all I want to do is write poetry about her. And I have found I'm actually enjoying doing so. May have to find a place to put a thread of that.
M-34 W-31 2 S,11&11 1 D, 6 T 13 YEARS M 12 YEARS ILYBINILWY OCT. 2009 We are too close. All we see are smears of paint. The Lord sees the masterpiece He is painting.
I am writing my wife love letters that I am not sending or showing her unless things work out and maybe to my children when they grow up so that they know that I loved their mother.
Me 39 W 37 S 5 D 2.75 Married 12 years Together 14 years Bomb Dropped 08/16/10
I keep a notebook of them. I actually did this before we got married. Another time we were just "friends."
M-34 W-31 2 S,11&11 1 D, 6 T 13 YEARS M 12 YEARS ILYBINILWY OCT. 2009 We are too close. All we see are smears of paint. The Lord sees the masterpiece He is painting.
