feel like todays gonna be a "the sky is falling" kinda day.
went to "boring" hazmat class last night...returned to find h awake (but barely) he soon after fell asleep on the couch but did make it up to bed.
h drove son to school this am (son was not happy about daddy getting him ready but for the most part I just left them to it)
just felt like a blah departure this am from h..maybe he got up on the wrong side of the bed or maybe he's pissy that I didn't bother to fold his clothes that he left in the dryer and wash (well I'm tired of doing it for him when he doesn't think twice about dumping the kids or my stuff in a pile on top so he can get HIS stuff in).
well maybe the sky isn't falling, maybe it isn't even raining...but the sun is definately NOT shining around here.
oooooo I get to learn to drive the ambualnce today....hmmmm orientation starts at 3 (my moms comming to watch the kids) it will take til prob 5 or six and h should be home by then....perhaps I'll stay out a bit longer...enjoy the freedom and let h put the kids to bed alone again. No point in me rushing home to help out as he doesn't rush home for me.
tit for tat? nope..just me dropping the rope a bit more..will it piss him off and give him something to throw back at me? sure...do I care? not sure but wtf!
I see your hanging in there too. Thank you SO much for your support when I needed the most. I was in panic mode yesterday, but am a bit better today. If you rerad my thread you'll see why. I'm really confused though about how to proceed. H is giving mixed messages, and all I know is I have to do a complete 180 and stop all R talks as H cannot handle them. Let me know what you think, Rachael
Quote: giving birth to them is the easy part..I'd do that 100 times if I didn't have to take them home.
You crack me up LL!
Hope you did stay out a little longer LL and had fun with your freedom. You just need to spout a few of his lines back at him - ya know - sorry didn't realise it had got that late blah blah. See him spit!
You started out saying that this was going to be a rough couple of months for you, and we should be prepared. At least you have got some self-awareness of what is going on LL, and as you say you can still laugh at yourself.
take care
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
is it the crummy weather? is it just a general gut feeling that I've always had that's just been shoved in my face with the whole sit around ow and h's request for d etc?
I duuno?
I did say that these next couple of months wouldn't be easy...but it seems there's more ill feelings than I'd expected.
I just get the feeling that some day I will be once again faced with this mess...only then it wont be such a mess...kids will be grown (if h isn't as stupid as to leave "his" town with ow again as there's only one of "my" people in "his" town and she very rarely goes out during the day)
just don't trust h... just don't believe there is a "real" marriage here. just don't feel safe in this m
no one's buying into my "the sky is falling" drama of today?
sheesh you guys are no fun!
ok so...I'm lonely...h works alot and just when I think his slow time is comming...it doesn't...he left this morning probably around 4 am and didn't return til about 5:30 pm..with 1 phone call somewhere around 4:30 to let me know he was on his way home...I left for my class at 6:45 to return to find that he's already gone up to bed...and I believe he is to leave again in the wee hours.
troubling? well ya it was for a while and who knows part of me still is troubled..but when he came home with orange paint on his boots I thought to myself..oh, ok, that's what he was doing all day (marking the drive ways for the next storm)
still just don't feel right...but what are feelings anyway.
Your feelings are your feelings. And that is ok. But are you waiting for them to change? One of these days you are going to actually take steps to make your life better. What are you afraid of?
Is it fear, or just that your not sure what to do with the sitch your in? Like always, I think the not knowing is worse than any action we could take. I find myself wondering if I'm wasting precious time (yrs in my case) just to have this R go up in smoke ultimately. I have not thought that until recently. He's just done this one too many times I guess. Rachael
