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MrBond #2141091 03/19/11 06:13 PM
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Those books may help you make your decision. Either way, it will be alot of work and a very rocky road. But it can be done.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
MrBond #2141149 03/20/11 12:56 AM
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I had a former coworker get divorced, leave the newspaper and go back to law school in Iowa. The ex moved to Iowa as well because they had a special needs child and needed each other to raise the kid.

About six months after the D was final he started dating someone and then all of a sudden the ex wanted to start dating again.

They got back together, moved back in with each other and he was my hope for a long time. But six months together and he moved back out.

He said there were just things they didn't like about each other and he wished he hadn't done it because he had to go through the pain all over again.

That's a tough story ... but I think most of the LBSs on the board would give it a shot. I know I wouldn't slam the door on STBXW ... but I'd go really slow too.


Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11
http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz
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I am not slamming the door, but it may be time to close it gently.

I'm just thinking about this right now. Not making decisions.


M:31 WAW:25
T: 5 years
M: 6/25/10
Bomb: 12/17/10
Discovered PA 1/2, Discovered EA, 1/17
Served D: 1/27
ots #2141204 03/20/11 01:59 PM
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The book, Too Good to Leave Too Bad to Stay should help you make some decisions about which path to take.

I've been divorced almost a year; he left in May of 2009. If you get involved with any girl right now it will simply be a rebound relationship and few of those ever last. IMO, face this alone, feel all the emotions and let time do its healing. Involving yourself with anyone else is just a "band aid" to not face the pain and reality. Not fair to you or her.


Me 55
H 49
Married 21 years
No kids
bomb 5/09
filed 7/09
divorced and moving forward 5/10

Life is all about Plan B
Golfgirl1 #2141379 03/21/11 05:29 AM
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Well, I guess I need this moved again....


M:31 WAW:25
T: 5 years
M: 6/25/10
Bomb: 12/17/10
Discovered PA 1/2, Discovered EA, 1/17
Served D: 1/27
ots #2141427 03/21/11 02:54 PM
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Well, I never expected to be here. She's back and begging me to stay. She broke down yesterday in a way I'd never seen before when I said that maybe we should continue with the divorce and remarry if thats what we want.

I don't know if she was manipulating me or not, but it sure fired all my protector instincts.


M:31 WAW:25
T: 5 years
M: 6/25/10
Bomb: 12/17/10
Discovered PA 1/2, Discovered EA, 1/17
Served D: 1/27
ots #2141709 03/22/11 02:03 PM
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Well, she continues to do and say the right things, and wants to move into recovery fast.

No way. She doesn't get to move into recovery fast. I'm not setting myself up for another DDay this soon after surviving the first one.

She's desperate and looking to cling onto someone. I won't be her safety net, her plan b.


M:31 WAW:25
T: 5 years
M: 6/25/10
Bomb: 12/17/10
Discovered PA 1/2, Discovered EA, 1/17
Served D: 1/27
ots #2141960 03/23/11 05:31 AM
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Saw her again today. She's almost where I was on DDay. Begging and crying... telling me everything I want to hear... it's wild.

And considering I was just there recently, all my empathy buzzers go off...


M:31 WAW:25
T: 5 years
M: 6/25/10
Bomb: 12/17/10
Discovered PA 1/2, Discovered EA, 1/17
Served D: 1/27
ots #2141961 03/23/11 05:46 AM
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I'm glad to hear that your wife has changed her mind. i know that it is hard to trust someone who hurt you so much. A lot of people say that people can't change. But I know they can.....if they really want to. You and your wife could benefit a lot from going to a Retrouvaille weekend. Check the website, www.helpourmarriage.org for information on the program and the dates and locations of upcoming weekends. The weekend would give both of you a lot of time to think deeply about your marriage and your lives and what you really want. It is sort of a 48 hour meditation on love, marriage, human relations, and how to talk to each other.

I highly recommend it. My H and I went 3 years ago, and it changed our lives forever.

Lotus #2141965 03/23/11 06:18 AM
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Lotus,

Thanks for the encouragement. I've heard great things about Retrouvaille, but it seems very Christian oriented. While faith plays a part in both of our lives, that faith is not Christian, and I believe we would be uncomfortable with that aspect.


M:31 WAW:25
T: 5 years
M: 6/25/10
Bomb: 12/17/10
Discovered PA 1/2, Discovered EA, 1/17
Served D: 1/27
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