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#2118078 - 01/04/11 06:19 PM My Story.
ots Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 90
I just got married 5 months ago. Around 2 weeks ago, my wife told me it was over. She was tired of worrying about me. She says she did nothing but take care of me, and I gave nothing back. She says she hasn't loved me for over a year. Perhaps not coincidentally, I lost my job about a year ago... laid off. I had a very time consuming job for the first three months of our marriage.

She says she only got married because I proposed in a public place, and then there was so much momentum, she couldn't stop it. We just bought a house together 2 months ago. I asked for counseling, she refused. We have been together for around 5 years and been living together for almost 4.

We went back and forth over separation v. divorce and eventually I told her that though I was willing to fight to fix things with everything I had, if she isn't receptive to even seeing my hard work, then I guess we're done. At that point, she told me she needed a weekend to think about things. She went and visited her sister for new years. She came back and said it was over, and that she had slept with another man while she was away.

She has been very consistent the past couple days: this is over, I need to move on. I've essentially been "in crisis" the past few days, but luckily, I have amazing friends who have my back, and I've been couch surfing a bit.

EVERYONE was blindsided by this. She apparently talked to no one about her unhappiness. Everyone thought we were a wonderful loving couple. Everyone just basically says: "Who the F@*& does this?!?" and tells me she's crazy.

I think at this point I need to move on, but its hard.... I thought we were happy, in love... until two weeks ago. All my hopes and dreams were entangled with her. I don't really WANT to move on.

Is there any hope, or should I just move on, and say "better now than later", especially while there's no kids?
_________________________
M:31 WAW:25
T: 5 years
M: 6/25/10
Bomb: 12/17/10
Discovered PA 1/2, Discovered EA, 1/17
Served D: 1/27

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#2118322 - 01/05/11 06:59 PM Re: My Story. [Re: ots]
ots Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 90
Additionally, she says she does not consider what she did cheating, as she isn't coming back to me, and told me so, so what does it matter if she "hooks up" with someone to have a good time?
_________________________
M:31 WAW:25
T: 5 years
M: 6/25/10
Bomb: 12/17/10
Discovered PA 1/2, Discovered EA, 1/17
Served D: 1/27

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#2118631 - 01/06/11 09:45 PM Re: My Story. [Re: ots]
ots Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 90
alright... no action here!
_________________________
M:31 WAW:25
T: 5 years
M: 6/25/10
Bomb: 12/17/10
Discovered PA 1/2, Discovered EA, 1/17
Served D: 1/27

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#2119007 - 01/08/11 08:30 PM Re: My Story. [Re: ots]
ots Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 90
Someone out there? A little feedback? Should I DB? This is so new... is there any hope?
_________________________
M:31 WAW:25
T: 5 years
M: 6/25/10
Bomb: 12/17/10
Discovered PA 1/2, Discovered EA, 1/17
Served D: 1/27

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#2119320 - 01/10/11 10:58 AM Re: My Story. [Re: Vulcanized]
ots Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 90
First phone consult today. Implementing LRT. Stopping the chase. Getting a life.
_________________________
M:31 WAW:25
T: 5 years
M: 6/25/10
Bomb: 12/17/10
Discovered PA 1/2, Discovered EA, 1/17
Served D: 1/27

Top
#2119665 - 01/11/11 03:47 PM Re: My Story. [Re: ots]
ots Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 90
So,

Less than 72 hours after breaking off contact with W, she contacts me via email to talk about logistics of me moving out. I inform her that I will be staying in the house, but I won't be hanging around, as I have stuff to do!

Everything totally positive. She asks if I'm on drugs. I figure its a joke. I've never been on drugs. I tell her no in a positive way.

She asks if I'm waiting until divorce is finalized or if this is a "money thing". I tell her that my only plan is to work on myself.

I'm still away from the house at the moment.
_________________________
M:31 WAW:25
T: 5 years
M: 6/25/10
Bomb: 12/17/10
Discovered PA 1/2, Discovered EA, 1/17
Served D: 1/27

Top
#2119680 - 01/11/11 04:29 PM Re: My Story. [Re: ots]
ots Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 90
Well, she wouldn't stop emailing me until I gave her my plan. She wants me out of the house ASAP. Should i go?
_________________________
M:31 WAW:25
T: 5 years
M: 6/25/10
Bomb: 12/17/10
Discovered PA 1/2, Discovered EA, 1/17
Served D: 1/27

Top
#2119721 - 01/11/11 07:22 PM Re: My Story. [Re: ots]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 9833
Nope. Tell her that if since she is the one unhappy then she should leave. You were perfectly fine. It is your home too is it not?

My W told me the same thing and was amazed when I told her I wasn't leaving. They've got some nerve sometimes.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2119765 - 01/11/11 10:10 PM Re: My Story. [Re: MrBond]
ots Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 90
She told me she's finally "getting herself back" and that she'll die if she has to deal with me being in the house.

A better question might be: who does it benefit to fight over this? my M? Me? My W?

I mean... the biggest issue for me is that I don't want her sleeping her way through the town (she will) in our bed in our house. I guess I have to let that go. I know I can't control her.

Seriously: it's like bizarro wife walked into my house one day.
_________________________
M:31 WAW:25
T: 5 years
M: 6/25/10
Bomb: 12/17/10
Discovered PA 1/2, Discovered EA, 1/17
Served D: 1/27

Top
#2119836 - 01/12/11 10:15 AM Re: My Story. [Re: ots]
Chrysalid Offline
Member

Registered: 11/03/10
Posts: 76
Loc: ON, Canada
Originally Posted By: ots

Seriously: it's like bizarro wife walked into my house one day.


i can certainly relate.. the only thing that is helping me get through this is to know that the man doing all the hurtful things to me right now is NOT my husband.. he's a stranger to me..

good luck with your situation, stay strong and positive smile
_________________________
Me-41 H-34
T-9
M-8
10/21/10-BOMB
11/01/10-H moves out
01/27/12-H files

"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"

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