My Story.

[ots]

Today I went to the gym, and caught myself holding the bar in a certain way that I adopted when wearing my wedding ring. Sent me right into a mini-panic. The whole drive home, I kept checking unconsciously for my ring.

Its not there. Tempted to contact her, but I didn't.

I'm also physically lonely as hell. I've ALWAYS been a physical/sexual person.

[Mike.4545]

Do you want to stay in the house? I did, and have...but my wife didn't even care, so she didn't fight me for it. If it's important to you and you can afford it, then stand your ground and stay as long as possible. She can't throw you out so DON'T let her bully you.

As far as deciding whether to move on or keep fighting...You have to decide that for yourself. No matter the outcome, I love my wife and cherished our relationship...so I wanted to do absolutely everything to turn our situation around, knowing that if it ended, I would have no regrets about the effort I put forth.

Aside from that, I think you're on track by focusing on yourself. Use this time to stop the behavior that she didn't like, and improve upon other things about yourself that you think would make you a better person. And do all this for YOU, not for her. If your marriage has to end, you want to be the best guy you can be when you decide you're ready to get into the market again.

She's the messed up one here, so don't let her suck you in with her negativity. Stay positive, hopeful, and show her the strength her husband has by providing strong, positive leadership. Be a man...a good man...and it will only help you in the long run.

[ots]

Hard day yesterday. Just lonely and sad. Really wanted to get in touch with her, but I didn't. I'm staying with my sister, trying to collect myself. Haven't seen her in person or been in the house in 12 days.

[ots]

Another hard day. Texted her to let her know I was coming back. Apparently her mother had a fast wedding this weekend. I feel increasingly desperate and lonely the past couple days.

[ots]

Ug. Text fight. She thinks I'm a bad person for not moving out immediately. Last text from her after I said I was going to get out as soon as I can, but that won't be immediately:

"Work on that for real. I don't want to look at you every day and I'm sick of providing. Have all the furniture you want, just get the **** out, loser"

Of course, she forgets that I was employed for 3 of the 5 short months we were married, and have brought more money into the household than her.

This is real hell. Who IS this woman? I've been nothing but civil throughout this. She threatens me...

I never did anything to her... I don't get this...

I don't even know if DB'ing is a REMOTE possibility.

[kml]

You said:
"better now than later", especially while there's no kids?"

I say - YES! I'm so sorry you are going through this, but really, you need to recognize that it is a GOOD thing you don't have kids with this woman.
- She's weak (who gets married just because they got proposed to in a public place and didn't have to guts to tell you they were having second thoughts?).
- She's selfish (SHE blows up the marriage but YOU are the one couch surfing while SHE sleeps in your home???)
- She's dishonest (don't believe for a moment that she went to her sister's to think it over and just had a random hookup with some guy - I place my bets on her having a boyfriend).
- She's unkind

Are these the qualities you want in the mother of your children? Is this the person who will have your back when the chips are down?

She's telling you who she is.

My ex told me who he was, too, when he slept with an old girlfriend the night before our marriage. I worked to patch it up, and went on to make a family with him. I patched it up again when he cheated on me when our kids were in their early teens. Then when he left several years later, I realized what an idiot I had been - he'd shown me that this was who he was all along! Unfortunately my kids paid the price for my stupidity and are suffering as a result of their parents divorce after 24 years.

A sitch like yours is one where I say move on. I know it is shocking and difficult, but just work on being a better you and try to figure out how you missed this side of her personality, so you will choose better next time.

Ellie

[ots]

Well, I might agree with you on all but the boyfriend thing. I don't think its impossible, but I doubt it. This guy lives like 5 hours away, and she was in the past always ready for random hookups. I'm sure she's about to become rather promiscuous.

I guess it doesn't matter. Maybe it is time to move on.

Sad. One day when she finds some guy to knock her up, she'll miss having a devoted loving father for them. One day, she'll get dumped hard, and she will miss having a man who was willing to stick next to her through anything.

Anyone else out there think along the lines of kml?

[tjack45]

"Well, I might agree with you on all but the boyfriend thing. I don't think its impossible, but I doubt it. This guy lives like 5 hours away, and she was in the past always ready for random hookups. I'm sure she's about to become rather promiscuous."

5 hr's away is irrelevant. Affairs are mostly about the emotional connection.



"I guess it doesn't matter. Maybe it is time to move on."

People only want what they can't have.... Sometimes moving on is the best way to get them back......

"Sad. One day when she finds some guy to knock her up, she'll miss having a devoted loving father for them."

Maybe, Maybe not... Don't concern yourself with things that are out of control... Use this time to work on yourself and become the best person you can be..

"One day, she'll get dumped hard, and she will miss having a man who was willing to stick next to her through anything."
Again, this is a waste of energy and unproductive thinking. Like everyone that get's bombed, you are hurt right now.... So is she... Time to be an example and get control of yourself... Become a person that only a FOOL would divorce..

Anyone else out there think along the lines of kml?

Divorce Busting isn't necessarily about saving your marriage... It is about saving yourself... Finding out who you really are, what makes you happy... It helps you to look for solutions to everyday problems and become aware of unproductive behavior... I say that you start D'bing and watch how it can help you through a very tough situation.

best of luck
tjack

[ots]

Thanks. I imagine that she's going to push through D ASAP, which would be the 25th in my state. Hard to DB when the D has already happened.

Also, if this is who she is, I don't know if I like this person. She's just as hurtful as is possible, in any way possible. I may have had my faults as a husband, but I deserve better than this. I deserve to be loved.

I'm going to do most of the DB techniques, but I'm going to do them for me. I'll stick around on the boards for a bit. I just don't know what my W can do to show me she's a decent person. I do know she's going to push through D ASAP.

Thank you everyone. Of course, I'm still interested in what people have to say.

My next challenge: going back to the house. She's going to make it as painful as possible.

[ots]

You were right. EA started a long time ago. PA happened over Christmas, after she dropped the bomb. Confirmed with W and a mutual friend.

I confronted her. She tried to deny it at first, but then admitted. Told me she's had feelings for him since she was 17, and she was burying them because she wanted our marriage to work. Until about August.