Loc: North Carolina
We do adapt Frank. We adapt quite nicely, it turns out.
Think almost absolute freedom. Though I know neither you nor any of the rest of us were looking for it...well...dang, it's a pretty good thing I think you'll find.
Funny, I didn't have too much trouble with "things." I've found it more difficult to know what to do with the 20+ years of life. It's sometimes awkward fitting it in to my new life. Nobody really gives you a protocol on how to do it right. Guess it's like everything else - learn as you go.
I'm happy for you my friend. I'm glad that most of the big hurts are done. I'm actually glad that you get a fresh start somewhere else, even though I know how much you loved your home. In the end this will be good for you I think.
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Yo Frank, Just caught up. The fresh start is a good thing, you will come to see that in time. Like all wounds the one left from the house will heal as well.
I knew you would end up with more time than that judge said you would get. She gets a dose of reality when it comes to being a single mom and is probably becoming more aware that you did a hell of a lot more than she ever realized around that house.
Who cares where your shoes are, free balling is good for the boys now and again, and starting from scratch makes all the best pies and cookies......no what I mean?
Your kids will also adapt to the changes. In no time the sadness will be replaced with a feeling of ease being in your new place for them. Kids fortunately have the ability to adapt much more affectively then adults do, something to do with that whole nurture issue I imagine.
Mine has remarried, lost any and all time with our daughter, is slowly pushing our son out of her life as well, and guess what? Not a drop of it matters to me anymore. My kids are happy when they are in my new home. My kids do not even mention the mom and I together thing anymore. My family looks different from the original plan, but my kids are doing great and have survived it all.
Christmas week, my kids are both with me this year. I could not ask for anything more. You are heading the right way Frank, that is all that matters. Down the road, your kids will remember the cool nights with dad eating pizza in the new place, trust me.
Can't believe it's been nearly 2 months since I last posted.
So...where do I start?
I am still unpacking, but, slowly but surely, it's coming a long. I am setting up my D7's room and, hey, it's pretty cool. I ordered some PBTeen drapes for her today. I accompanied her on her field trip today to a local planetarium, and, the most amazing thing in the world happened:
As I waved goodbye to her today and blew her a kiss, I was halfway out the school door when, I heard her call out my name. The security guard had to catch the door to keep it open. D7 ran all the way down the hallway, threw her arms around me, and told me she loves me. I keep it VERY simple: Me: "I love you too D7. You're a good girl." The scene is straight off the cover of Leman's book.
THAT...is all the world to me. So far, I am accomplishing what I've set out for myself: to be there for her.
S10, I think, still struggles with this. Last week he texted me and asked me to steal by in the middle of the night and pick him up and bring him over. He texts me daily that he misses me. I try and teach him bravery, courage and to speak his feelings. Although, more than likely, X won't budge, I try to tell him that if he doesn't ask for something or express his feelings, he will never get or be heard. It's almost time for me to give him the ONE keychain that I made for several members here and saved one for me: "Strength and honor." I teach S10 to take good care of his sister and 'be the hero'. And, I never forget what I learn here. From mulesqb, I quote what HIS dad said to him to MY son: "Tough times don't last S10. Tough men do."
As for X, I guess the $57K didn't go too far. She for the longest time pined away for a Nissan Altima. She now has a brand new Hyundai Sonata (not that that's a bad car), leased. Caddy man is still there so he is either the next new man or the first transitional. Doesn't matter to me. My kids seem to have adjusted although S10 still gets to near tears when I take him back to his mom: "dad, I wish you and mom weren't divorced. I wish I could live with you". Classic. I feel bad for them.
Negatives: my daughter has come back to me on multiple occasions unbathed, once wearing the same socks for 4 days. My son as well. They MUST clean up when they come to my new home and I MUST lecture them on hygiene, brushing teeth, etc. THIS, is where X pisses me off. And, of course, even tho' X hasn't missed a CS check since starting this, I still get the "where's the CS check?", even if the mailman can't deliver the mail in a blizzard. I don't answer anymore. The new me.
And, finally, me. I have a slocooker BBQ brisket going tonite. Yes. I cook and can get back to doing that again. I have a new job at a major hospital in a director position and I am slowly chipping away at my bills although, like many here, my credit rating is battered. However, I avoided bankruptcy. By late spring, I hope to be over the worst and simply stay in a steady 'bill payoff' mode and perhaps, yes, perhaps, begin to start a savings account again.
I've gone on several internet 'meet and greets' as I call them. I've rejected and been rejected. I can go from one date suggesting a one night stand then have a woman cut the evening short. It goes both ways. For now, I think, I just want to finish unpacking and hang with my kids. I miss companionship, intimacy, friendship and, of course, sex, but (sigh)....I now know how Jeff223 felt.I don't think it's there yet. Is it the trust...or..am I just enjoying the peace??
So..with my new job, I've been asked to be on radio in about two weeks. In December I treated a king that all of you would have heard of and, classically, as they say, when one door closes, another one opens.
Carpe diem my fellow DB'ers. And love your kids. "Be in the moment".
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
"Is it the trust...or..am I just enjoying the peace??'
I admit, FIB - this celibacy thing is wearing REALLY thin on me (it's been -gulp - 9 months since the hermit boyfriend broke up with me for his old college sweetheart). But when I think of jumping further into the dating pool than my few casual toes in the water, it just seems like SO MUCH WORK. I keep thinking when I encounter a guy who floats my boat, all will be well - but he's not showing up yet.