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#2099372 - 11/01/10 11:02 PM Re: Bustorama- Thread #2 [Re: bustorama]
bustorama Offline
Member

Registered: 06/26/10
Posts: 519
W called me 7 times today. I finally started answering with the 3rd one.

First time I answered, she told me she had picked up D5 to go to the animal shelters to look at a little dog to adopt. Wanted to tell me all about the visit, the shelter, the paperwork they had filled out, D5's reactions, the dogs they looked at. I think she had called me around the time she was going to pick up D5, perhaps in reference to the shelter visit, not sure. Anyway, she has me look at the dogs they looked at on the website. I say they look cute, what did D5 think, yadda yadda. W is surprised at all the requirements of the shelter (they would talk to apt people, had to have a guarantee pet would not be alone longer than 4 hr stretches during puppyhood and there would have to be another person to sign off saying they would be there and not leave dog alone, dog would have to meet every family member it would live with before adopting, etc.). I agree with her that it sounds like strict requirements. She said she wanted a dog to keep her company so she wouldn't be lonely. I said yeah it was fun to have dogs (I have had several throughout life, she's never had one) and a good time to adopt one was right before a vacation when you had time to settle them in. Long story short, they didnt get the dog and were going to get a fish instead (I asked a bit about the fish). Eventually, I get off phone.

W then calls back to tell me about story from some person she knows at work who is in hospital and who her company has helped get some medical benefits through some strange coincidences. I say wow, great, sounds good. Asks me what I am doing. I say I am watching the World Series. Tells me she is going to go eat at some pizzeria with girls. I say great have fun.

W calls back later to tell me she is at pizzeria. Says she is watching the game, no one else is there. She says she is hanging out with girls having a glass of wine, they just got their food, they have the games on TV. I say uh-huh. She says it would be fun if you were here. I say yeah that would be fun (LOL). W asks me if I have voted in the election yet. I say yeah I absentee voted, tell her a few stories about stuff I voted for. She is amused that I voted against an incumbent because they pissed me off by sending me the wrong form letter ([pet name] got pissed, LOL). I hear girls start talking trying to get her attention in background and tell her I'm gonna let her go.

W calls back again on way home to her apt from pizzeria. Tells me something I don't remember at all. Tells me she has leftovers, do I want her to drop them off. I tell her thanks I'm all good here. I tell her the score of the game and what inning it is. I get off phone.

W arrives at her apt and calls back again. Tells me she thinks the door leading from her garage into her apt is ajar and light is on. I suggest she get a friend of ours (Steve) that lives in the apts across the driveway from her more or less if she isn't sure she left it open. She says she'll just keep me on the phone while she checks the place out. I say do you remember if you might have left it open. She says oh yeah, I tied the Ds shoes on the stoop this AM. Goes upstairs and walks around to check place out. Gets off phone and apologizes.

She's all over the place. I guess she is lonely? (thinking of getting dog and calling, calling, calling).
_________________________
Me-41
W-37
D10, D6, D3
T-Since 12/2001
Married-9/2004
She Moved Out-5/28/2010
Piecing begins-04/2011
Now-back together
My Thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304

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#2099373 - 11/01/10 11:11 PM Re: Bustorama- Thread #2 [Re: bustorama]
Starsky309 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/11/10
Posts: 3839
Loc: Florida

Why are you answering all of these calls? You are BUSY, remember? Got stuff going on?
_________________________
At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)

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#2099379 - 11/01/10 11:23 PM Re: Bustorama- Thread #2 [Re: Starsky309]
bustorama Offline
Member

Registered: 06/26/10
Posts: 519
I ignored the first 2. I didn't anticipate her calling 5 times after that. Yeah, I need to adjust my ignore quota.

Sometimes I wonder if my W has bipolar II and if she is currently in impulsive mode.
_________________________
Me-41
W-37
D10, D6, D3
T-Since 12/2001
Married-9/2004
She Moved Out-5/28/2010
Piecing begins-04/2011
Now-back together
My Thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304

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#2100697 - 11/04/10 02:55 AM Re: Bustorama- Thread #2 [Re: bustorama]
bustorama Offline
Member

Registered: 06/26/10
Posts: 519
Not much up last couple of days. Went for mid-day run today. In evening, hung out with college buddy that will be living in town for a year on weekdays. We had a beer at some place that advertised itself as a "beer garden" that was actually a cigar store with a chairs in the parking lot, fake trees, and no beers on tap. They had a single fridge with some bottled drinks in it. Guy handed us the remote to the TV that was on a cart in the parking lot (I guess they rolled it in and out). Comedy operation.

After that we went to casino and hung out at bar there catching up. Blonde that worked there and was on break eavesdropped on us and started talking to us. Friendly, flirty talk. She told us about some movie she loved -- The Fantastic Fox -- good for kids and adults. By Wes Anderson, the guy that did Royal Tannenbaums, Rushmore, etc. Need to rent it.

Anyway, noticed my W had been calling, 3rd call from her on my cell, so I picked it up. She told some stuff to me about D5's school and homework, stuff she had done with her. I thanked her and told her I appreciated the stuff she had done with her, she rocked. Then she told me some about her therapy appt with her psychiatrist, how she had gone off her meds and there discussion about that. Then she told me about her therapy appointment with her psychologist, how therapist had brought up the idea that she might have some PTSD from her childhood traumas. I validated and said I was happy they were talking about and exploring those issues. Happy she was doing that. Told her I was hanging out with my friend, and she said to tell him she said hi. Dropped friend off and came home.
_________________________
Me-41
W-37
D10, D6, D3
T-Since 12/2001
Married-9/2004
She Moved Out-5/28/2010
Piecing begins-04/2011
Now-back together
My Thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304

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#2101367 - 11/04/10 10:26 PM Re: Bustorama- Thread #2 [Re: bustorama]
bustorama Offline
Member

Registered: 06/26/10
Posts: 519
Busy day at work. Had one of D9's friends over for playdate/dinner. They are playing Wii now and little ones are in PJ's. Me having friends over and organizing playdates has been a 180 for me. I used to put all that stuff on my W or not do it. It's fun, D9 really appreciates it, her friend appreciates it and her friend's folks appreciate it. Win-win-win-win.

W texted at some point, asking about Ds and saying she was gonna see a movie with one of hr GFs. I updated her on Ds, said D9's friend was over and said hoped she had a great time, looking forward to hearing about the movie. W texted back asking for me to take pics of some of the things D2 was drawing. I took some pics of her and also of all the other girls. She said how cute. Asked me if I wanted her to pick D2 up tomorrow instead of me and bring her to soccer, where I would be coaching D5 and with D9. I said I would love it, good idea. She texted back something else (not question) that I didn't respond to.

Just noticed that she also called on home phone about 20-30 min after that but I didnt notice (not sure why?). She didnt leave msg.
_________________________
Me-41
W-37
D10, D6, D3
T-Since 12/2001
Married-9/2004
She Moved Out-5/28/2010
Piecing begins-04/2011
Now-back together
My Thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304

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#2101397 - 11/05/10 01:22 AM Re: Bustorama- Thread #2 [Re: bustorama]
FaithnAK Offline
Member

Registered: 07/09/10
Posts: 1003
Alt?

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#2101960 - 11/05/10 07:33 PM Re: Bustorama- Thread #2 [Re: FaithnAK]
bustorama Offline
Member

Registered: 06/26/10
Posts: 519
W called 3 or 4 times today. I ignored all of them (no msgs). Then she texted me our pet name for D2 (and nothing else). I guess I'm gonna see her in an hour if she comes to soccer practice for D5.

Had my IC appt. One strange (counter-DB) thing that IC suggested I do is if she said something to me where she sounds hurt (I felt abandoned when you....) to validate it, apologize for the behavior and THEN to say "I MISS YOU."(to try to help connect). Seems to counter-DB to me it's crazy. Thoughts from others?
_________________________
Me-41
W-37
D10, D6, D3
T-Since 12/2001
Married-9/2004
She Moved Out-5/28/2010
Piecing begins-04/2011
Now-back together
My Thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304

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#2102095 - 11/06/10 01:35 AM Re: Bustorama- Thread #2 [Re: bustorama]
bustorama Offline
Member

Registered: 06/26/10
Posts: 519
D5's soccer practice went well. Girls getting better and better. They just have 2 games left then season is over.

W came to practice with D2. We walked out together chatting for a few minutes. She told me she had been trying to call me to tell me about the movie she saw with her GF (Paranormal Experience II). Also told me about visiting her GF's house, which seems to be haunted. Eventually, she drove us to my car. D2 started melting down crying saying Mama! Mama! Mama! (she hates the transitions and has pretty bad separation anxiety now cause of the sitch). This caused D5 to start melting down also and then D9 to start yelling at both of them to be quiet. Grrr. W witnessed, perhaps some food for thought.

I came home and got D's settled down and into bed. About 9:30 pm W calls me, she's back from dinner with GF. Starts talking to me about random stuff and vice versa. I practice my best listening techniques. We talked about 30 min. She actually said some positive things about me.

She tells me that she told her GF that I had spearheaded giving a memorial gift in honor of GF's late mom, that I had done it all. Said her GF said it was real sweet of me.

She mocked a young male co-worker of hers that went to Nordstrom's and got Max Concealer to cover up some pimples for a wedding he was going to with his girlfriend. Said that [my pet name] would never do something like THAT.

She confided something in me about her GF making me swear not to tell anyone.

We laughed at each other's jokes/stories

She tells me she wants me to come to her work when all the cast of characters are there so I can meet everyone (I've never visited her at her work). I say when would be a good day for you to take me out to lunch? She suggests a day next week.

Then she asks again if we will see each other at D's activities in AM.

Better than screaming R talk, but nothing resembling reconciliation.
_________________________
Me-41
W-37
D10, D6, D3
T-Since 12/2001
Married-9/2004
She Moved Out-5/28/2010
Piecing begins-04/2011
Now-back together
My Thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304

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#2103286 - 11/08/10 05:56 PM Re: Bustorama- Thread #2 [Re: bustorama]
bustorama Offline
Member

Registered: 06/26/10
Posts: 519
Looks like I stole a bit of john's drama. Got the cops in the action....

Sunday AM, D5 woke me up walking into bedroom and said she was sad that she had 2 houses. That mommy needed to pack up the toys from the apartment and bring them home. That she only wanted 1 house. That she wanted to spend the holidays together. That she didn't appreciate mom starting a second house. I was sort of floored that she said all this and told her I was glad she told me how she felt. I told her I was sorry that things were they way they were, but that's how things were right now. I told her that mommy and I both loved her very much and she would always be loved by each of us where ever we were and where ever she was. I asked her to come into bed and cuddle with me so I could scratch her back, and we cuddled about 30 min which is a record for her (she is a super active kid).

Fast forward to Sunday lunch (with Ds, and W has joined us). D5 all of a sudden repeats what she said to me this AM to W. I am sort of stunned she said this to W. W looks at me and I shrug not knowing what to say. W starts tearing up and getting all sad. I pass her some napkins to dab her eyes and say I'm sorry she is hurting. She blames me that she looks like the bad guy and I look like the good guy. I tell her I am sorry she feels that way. I don't see good guys or bad guys. She is SUPER sad, and I drop her off at her apartment after lunch.

Fast forward to ~10 pm Sunday night. My doorbell starts ringing like crazy, banging on my door, someone trying to open my front door and then my garage side door. I go downstairs and yell WHO IS THAT. Turns out it's the police. They received a call from someone out of state concerned about the welfare of my W based on a facebook post. Ask if I have the kids with me. I say yeah they are asleep here. I tell them W and I are estranged and tell them where she is living, her phone #'s. I speculate to them it had to do with what D5 said to W. They ask me not to contact her and wait 30 min for them to investigate, and I ask them to call me ASAP when they know what's up.

LONG ass 30 minutes waiting when police call and say W is fine. She was prepping for work and it had been "much ado" about nothing. A dramatic post to FB that someone had "overreacted" to. I debate calling W and decide not to for several reasons (I know she is safe from the cops, I know I am partly the reason for her anger/grief, I know if she wanted to talk to me, she could call me). I decide my calling her would be to satisfy ME and be about MY feelings and not her feelings.

About 1 am, my W calls me sounding distraught. Says she can't believe I didn't call her, was I heartless. I tell her I am sorry she is feeling the way she is and was feeling that I didn't care. I tell her the police had called to reassure me she was safe and that I had decided to give her space, that if she wanted to talk to me she would reach out to me. After a brief hang up and callback (for intervening call from her BFF), we talk and W starts talking about how she wants to come back but is so scared. I tell her I understand she is scared shitless, can she tell me what scares her and how can I help her feel safer. She talks about some of her fears of the way our R used to be (things unrelated to EA). I validate tons, acknowledge past mistakes, explain some of the reasons I had behaved that way having to do with the way we interacted, and some of the things I had learned in therapy. W listens. W apologizes for not being better W (I think first time she has done that in our sitch?). W says she is trusting me more and more, but still wants to keep working on trust and self-esteem in IC. We talked about LOTS of stuff and I believe it was a productive R talk. I told her I should let her go because she had some work she needed to do for this AM.

She tried calling me this AM, and I let it go to voicemail (gotta keep DBing....). She then texted me about our D2 and how cute she was at lunch. Then said how tired she was and asked me a Q. I responded and validated, and we exchanged a few texts.
_________________________
Me-41
W-37
D10, D6, D3
T-Since 12/2001
Married-9/2004
She Moved Out-5/28/2010
Piecing begins-04/2011
Now-back together
My Thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304

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#2103289 - 11/08/10 06:01 PM Re: Bustorama- Thread #2 [Re: bustorama]
TimeHeals Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/10
Posts: 2694
Good job not going all melty man, but don't keep going over crap in the past and apologizing for it all.

You've done that, so that's that, and all you have to say is that you have already acknowleged that stuff.
_________________________
M-47,W-40,No kids
D-filed 5/27/2010
Piecing - 10/21/2010
-=Soon to be banned=-

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