1 get husband to not be so mad at me 2 get husband to smile 3 get husband to talk about day 4 get husband to look me in the eye 5 get financially stable
first one is the hardest i went through my apologies. he's still mad. takes all his frustration out on me. hes down right cruel at times.
I read your other posts as well. I'd like to know a little more about your story, and I'd like to encourage you to really be good to yourself as well. And to protect yourself.
On your goals:
1get husband to not be so mad at me Let's state that in a positive, action oriented way. What would he say or do? Get my husband to smile, talk about the day, look me in the eye... I like it! Good job!
In your past experience, what were YOU saying or doing BEFORE he smiled, talked about the day, and/or looked you in the eye?
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
As an H with some anger issues and similar things to yours (I'm not cruel to W but she has cheated and made me very angry) I thought I might offer advice on how you might achieve this.
1 Leave the room. Let him be angry at himself. Don't give him a chance to be angry at you. If possible, get him to take 10 minutes before he walks in the door just clearing his head so you know that when he comes in, he's either in a good mood or in a bad mood but ready to talk about it.
2 He's your husband. You know what he likes and doesn't. Cook him his favourite meal, book tickets to a show or comedy act you know he'll like. Something spontaneous to show him you were thinking of him.
3 This goes with 1. Let him calm down and talk to you in his own time. By all means ask him how his day was but don't focus on that. Talk about random things. How you ended up watching a really bad makeover show or someone who visited. Something you say might jog a memory of his day and he'll be talking about it before he realises.
4 Make eye contact with him all the time you're talking to him. Make sure that every time he looks at your eyes, he knows you're looking at his. Even if he puts them down straight away, eventually, he'll start holding his gaze for longer.
5 The best way to do this is to draw up a budget which must be stuck to. Keep accurate records for 3 months. Once you know where your money is going, you'll be able to see where you can cut back. Depending on your financial situation, clearing debts should be a priority, followed by saving for a rainy day.
I'm awful at this. I can list what has happened but don't know where to go from there.
Originally he was angry and spewing. He never used profanity, and was careful about how he phrased things. He communicated quite regularly about what bothered him, and that he needed a change. Moved out and moved in with a chum. Stayed their and found it was too much of a frat house. Now he is living in neighboring state, same metro area. I stopped saying I loved him and what we could do to work on things. That stopped within the first month.
He started communicating how he didn't want to lead me on and that he had lost desire...
I responded by letting him know that many times in our marriage of 29 years and together 33 many feelings about him came, went , returned and that it was normal. He needed to experience his feelings or lack there of. Much more, but just told him he'd figure it out.
Seemed to put him at ease and communication went from the net to him calling me . He made a point to come to court with me this past Monday. He chatted about new car for me, ( got into an accident and was totaled ) Walked me to car and said he'd call about lic plate transfer. He did and we briefly spoke on phone. It has been quiet since. I had to contact him, for lawn guy was trying to get him and was failing. Recently I just lost my phone, had to let him know vie e mail today. So that's where we are in our separation. We are going on four months. No relationship talk, no discussion of where this is or isn't going. The last couple of times he saw me , he complimented me. Never does that.
Goals I've accomplished: Joined 2 swing classes Still going to school Got part time job Once a week movie and dinner Go to gymn daily and lost 26 lbs Bought new clothes
Now I'm stuck. He lives in Maryland so I cannot see him. Daughter has gone back to school, so he won't be coming by. I feel like this is going nowhere and I don't know what goals to set. I can stay friendly but would like to have him initiate a get together and follow through.
Would love feedback and suggestions. I really don't know what to do . He's a MLC but minus some of the crazy...to date. The only thing else I can think of is to keep my space, contact if only needed. ????
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Oh yeah, he is also a fixer, I've always been independent but allowed for him to fix some things. It seemed to fit his need to be the hero. Now he says he's tired of it, but his actions are to the contrary. I'm trying to do some stuff , the stuff he used to just take on, myself. He says he feels disconnected, but how does one reconnect while DR-ing?
another typo * via.
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
