The writer of this letter asked that we share it with all of you --
I just wanted to say I can’t thank you enough for your work.
It was about 4am, and I couldn’t sleep as usual. 9am I had an appointment with my attorney to sign and finalize the divorce filing. Scrolling around online I came across your video on "Walk-Away Wives". That video changed my life. I saw that and instantly saw my wife. After watching it about 10 times in amazement I called my lawyer 10 minutes before the appointment and told him “IM NOT GETTING DIVORCED!” I went out and bought Divorce Remedy and read it twice in 4 days. Reading that book, I felt like you had been following my wife and I around for years. 6 weeks ago she said “I love you but I’m not in love with you” packed bags and moved out. She returned a few days later with family and trucks and moved out 100%. She cut off all contact with me and the occasional contact we had was her telling me “this isn’t fixable” and she wanted a divorce. I lost all hope totally. I decided to follow your book and your recommendations which was hard because like you say, it’s the total opposite of what your heart tells you to do. I realized that everything that I was doing was pushing her away more and more. I decided that no matter how bad things were I wasn’t giving up on my marriage. I would try a different approach.
Literally within days I noticed a difference. I would be online and out of the blue she would message me. Finally on Sunday she asked if I would come watch her softball practice which is a team that I sponsor. I said ok. I kept my head. Remembered everything in your book, stayed positive, avoided relationship talk and we had a genuinely good time. After the practice she was hungry and we got food.
I decided at that point, the door was open enough that I could talk about some things. I completely avoided the issues that we had. I just said to her “I think I understand you now”. She replied. “How so?” Then for the next hour I talked about what I learned. I took a chance and told her from soup to nuts what I thought she was feeling. It was right on the money. She almost fell over in her chair. Now this was a woman who just 2 days before that was hounding me to get the divorce going.
She was supposed to go back to where she was staying that night but asked if she could come by the house and see the dogs. That lead to us spending the night together in our bed for the first time in 6 weeks. She went from insisting on a divorce to almost begging me not to LEAVE HER.
We talked a lot over the past few days and even realized that her leaving was the best thing that could have ever happened. We now understand each other in ways that we never would have if she had not left.
I showed her the video that woke me up and she almost cried. It was DEAD ON
She can’t stop thanking me for not giving up on her or us.
Michelle, everything you wrote is so right. Right down to my therapist pushing me to file divorce to “take control of the situation” to her family and friends being extremely pushy and overbearing trying to get her to do what “they” think is right for her. She even got a job an hour away at her aunts urging. There were soooo many factors that I thought were total impossible hurdles to overcome.
She moved an hour away. She has a “support system” that exerted a ton of pressure on her to “move on” and “get on her feet” She got a new job She moved everything out of our house She went back to using her maiden name She cut off all communication Stopped wearing her rings Changed her facebook to single, removed any reference to us and took me off her page You name it, she did it.
In 6 weeks she didn’t give me one single tiny ray of hope. I read probably 10 books about marriage and relationships and not a single one had an effect on me. They were all geared toward “moving on” I knew I didn’t want to move on. There is not a doubt in my mind if I didn’t come across you and your work that I would still be a wreck on my couch, divorced, and wondering “what the hell happened?”
Thank you so much for what you do. If I can ever be a reference for you, or help for anything, please feel free to contact me.
Virginia Peeples Assistant to Michele Weiner-Davis The Divorce Busting Center