Sounds peaceful and comfortable in your world today Cas. I feel your serenity ...
You made the meeting with the colleague work well and it was nice of D to comment such. It must have taken the anxiety away from your H, which allowed him in turn to enjoy the walk with you.
I feel that you have dipped your toes in to the water .. you don't know if there are goldfish or sharks lurking beneath but for now, the water is warm and soothing ... enjoy it. Deal with the marine life later :o)
Good on you Cas ((hugs)) - again, I find myself saying that I am jealous!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
You get a great big "atta-girl" from me.....Way to go girlfriend!!!
A walk on the beach......a perfect atmosphere to encourage a friendship!!!!!
I think that was very smart. You gave H the opportunity to see that you are a wonderful woman. Certainly not the enemy that his thoughts portray.
It's huge that H even accepted the invite and didn't get cold feet and cancel out.
It's huge that H was comfortable enough to stay and walk for an hour.
It's huge that the conversation flowed and was not awkward.
It's huge that H walked you to your car.
The thoughts and warm, fuzzies you gave to H, by means of friendship and relaxing conversation will have an impact on him.
My guess is that hour has replayed through his mind many times.
It is from encounters just like this that a comfortable friendship will emerge. It is only after the friendship is rebuilt that the relationship can move to another level.
I would be certain that H will accept another invite from you. You need to be careful that it is not too soon. If you go forward very soon, H will back off. H will back off because he will assume you are pursueing. Treat H with gentle nudges. Easing him into a frienship will show him you are changed and genuine. Remember to leave all R talk at bay. Only discuss it if he is willing. H is only going to proceed with caution. He is watching you for sure and that was a perfect place for him to see you in a relaxed, comfortable, happy frame of mind.
I actually have the thoughts that H enjoyed it very much. I wonder if he might initiate an invite.
I can see that you are not ready to give up the fight and therefore you should not. This is an example of great DB!!!
(((((Hugs))))
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
What a great response from your H. I hope he did go. Even if he didn't the best thing is he was thinking about it. As Nell said you so deserve things to go right for you and I really hope with all my heart they do.
I feel that you have dipped your toes in to the water .. you don't know if there are goldfish or sharks lurking beneath but for now, the water is warm and soothing ... enjoy it. Deal with the marine life later :o)
But Nell, we have to remember that my toe has been dipped in that water so many times and it has been warm and soothing so many times. The MLC means H can go from enjoying pleasant walks, coffee and dinner to distance overnight. My challenge is to keep the pressure off to allow him to come to the realisation that he belongs with our family. I think deep inside he knows it but his pride stands in the way along with a host of other stuff.
It was so wonderful to hear from you Sanderika. I have been checking your thread each day just to see if you've touched base. I read your post to Nell so I have an update on how you are coping. You have such personal strength and although these days are extremely challenging for you, you will continue to grow as the wonderful independent person you are. Take your time and don't be concerned at how long this process takes. It takes as long as it takes. All this self reflection can only be positive for you in the long term.
As always I am so grateful for your insight. Thanks for pointing out all those positives. It's always helpful and interesting to see what another gleans from a situation.
Although I agree that H did appear to enjoy the walk I doubt that he will initiate an invite. He hasn't done that in the past and I feel sure that his recent email about solicitors was simply to get back in touch. I wondered why he did that rather than sending a text and saying hi and suddenly it hit me; H is very concerned that anything he initiates may be misinterpreted by me and I might take it to mean he is interested in taking things further and he's not.
So.....with that in mind it seems H will accept invitations and will respond to my messages. It seems that for now I have to initiate and just show him I am safe and I won't pressure. I also have to continue to show him I have another life and I am not at all dependent on him or needy.
This is most definitely my last attempt so how I handle this is crucial. My mantra has to be 'patience and no expectations.' My timing will be vital.
Sounds like you had a wonderful and positive experience. I agree with everyone, the fact that he accepted is a huge thing in itself.
I admire your patience and calm resolve Cas, just like Dia you know how to do things at a steady calm pace and it pays off.
I am sure that very slowly your H will come round and begin to initiate contact and then rejoin the family, as you say keeping the pressure off will be crucial, it's a bit like navigating a ship through icebergs, steady and with great care.
I admire your patience and calm resolve Cas, just like Dia you know how to do things at a steady calm pace and it pays off.
Ha! I have never been patient, ever Oz. I'm a slow learner. It's taken me 2 years to realise that my impatience in this situation is a killer!
I hope you're right on the family stuff. He did ask about my ill relative and I know he cares for all my family. Whenever I tell him about them he really listens and shows interest. Once I was telling him about a small accident my mum had and he wanted to know why I hadn't told him when it happened. Doesn't want to be part of the family but really does!!
October will be interesting. My brother and his family will be here. H visited them and had a meal with them last time they were here, a few months ago. H has always been close to them. It is also H's birthday. Last year I did nothing and I think this hurt him although he's not a gift person but this year I will do something as a friend.
H has the kids for dinner every Tues but this week his B and SIL are visiting so he has asked the kids to come both Tues and Wed. I love it when he moves closer to them as he's always been a fantatstic dad.
You know ladies, I have just thought about something. Where are our men right now - what are they doing whilst we sit here for hours and analyse our lives with or without them?
Why, they are at work, with their ow, GAL'ing, carrying on, despite what is happening in our world and how much we Ws are suffering - they are not - nor do they intend to burden themselves as we are doing. They are not sitting on these boards before work, during work or even on a day off and heaven forbid that they would look to their own sex for support or comfort!
We are the typical 'housewives' - always trying to fix things, putting right that which is broken, making it all OK even when it doesn't feel like it can be - putting the magic cream over the cut knee to stop the kids from crying.
They are out there, living their lives and not driving themselves crazy - and guess what? - we are doing everything that we can muster up to get them back. Do they have a message for us that we are just not hearing??
We are typical females and the martians know it. No wonder they have us on the run ...
Last edited by Eskimo Nell; 09/28/0912:50 AM. Reason: Grammar
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
