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#1845636 - 09/27/09 01:20 AM Re: Long Journey .......... advice please [Re: Eskimo Nell]
dolphin_05 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/21/09
Posts: 1432
Thanks Nell. He rang at 3.00 to say he couldn't walk until 4.45 as S has just got new clubs today and asked H to go to the driving range. That suits me as it's pretty hot here today. I am getting the crumbs but I'm happy for H and S to have time together.

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#1845639 - 09/27/09 01:23 AM Re: Long Journey .......... advice please [Re: dolphin_05]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Take the crumbs and good onya!

It's warm here today, too. I'm shading in the study as I'm still recovering from my over-exertions this morning.

Cas, I'm really pleased that your H didn't dismiss the walk and has merely pushed it back timewise. I bet that you are more than delighted with that? Now, you have time to think about the convo and how it's gonna go .... are are you ready??

What's your game plan??
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1845646 - 09/27/09 01:33 AM Patience and no expectations [Re: Eskimo Nell]
dolphin_05 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/21/09
Posts: 1432
Well Nell I've decided crumbs are good enough for today. I had no expectation that H would say yes to the walk and I would have thought that once he said yes to golf with S that would have given him the excuse to opt out.

D needs to be collected from the cinema as well so just hope it won't all clash time wise.

My only plan is to ask about him and his interests and to shut up and listen. Then I think I'll have to tell him I have something else I have to do so that I leave first.

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#1845651 - 09/27/09 01:39 AM Re: Patience and no expectations [Re: dolphin_05]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Great work!
It would be perfect timing if D needed picking up at the same time that you are ready to make your move - leaving H before he leaves you!

Hope that you will be back later so that I can see how you got on. I'm really bored today, so just lurking here ... saddo that I am!

I know that I should be out enjoying the day but I can't get comfortable with my own company, at all. I'm one of life's "need company" people and I am starving away for lack of company - any company, right now. It's hideous being alone.

Go off and get ready for that walk, madame!! Will be thinking about you. Good luck - and keep your mouth shut tight!!!!!! LOL
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1845653 - 09/27/09 02:02 AM Re: Patience and no expectations [Re: Eskimo Nell]
dolphin_05 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/21/09
Posts: 1432
I just went to the shops, got a pretty top and a Boost juice and window shopped a little. I have a lot of housework to do but motivation for that just isn't coming today.

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#1845659 - 09/27/09 04:00 AM Re: Patience and no expectations [Re: dolphin_05]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Oh, nice too! Pah - forget the house work ... it's always there tomorrow.

Carpe Diem - seize the day - and today is a good day for walking with your H. Working out the times, that should be right about now.

DB your a$$ off, Cas :o)
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1845660 - 09/27/09 04:36 AM Re: Patience and no expectations [Re: Eskimo Nell]
dolphin_05 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/21/09
Posts: 1432
Nell, I'm back. We walked about an hour and it was the perfect time, still warm with a light breeze.

I thought H seemed a little edgy at first but then he seemed to relax and we talked easily and about a whole range of stuff, both contributing to the convo. He doesn't ask anything about how I'm going other than "Hi. How are you?" but he does listen and ask questions when I tell him stuff. He did, however ask about my ill relative.

Along the way I met a colleague and introduced H. I noticed H almost step aside so that I didn't have to introduce him but I did anyway. He seemed ok about it. It did make me think that anyone who knows H and OW could see us so he's obviously not too concerned about us being seen together.

At the end I just headed over to my car and he walked over with me. I said goodbye and he said thankyou. I returned the thanks and headed off. He was behind me at the lights and I went left rather than right just to let him wonder where I might be off to next.

How's this for positives;
I issued an invitation and he accepted
I did some exercise and had some fresh air which is always invigorating along the most beautiful beach, watching the setting sun
We had an easy conversation
I did not pressure

So now, I continue the softly, softly and wait a while before I issue another invitation

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#1845661 - 09/27/09 04:38 AM Re: Patience and No Expectations [Re: dolphin_05]
dolphin_05 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/21/09
Posts: 1432
And Nell, I am now going to get stuck into tidying my house

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#1845667 - 09/27/09 05:35 AM Re: Patience and No Expectations [Re: dolphin_05]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Oh you did so good, girl!!!!!! I especially love the bit where you went left and not the predictible right, at the lights ... that will have him going!!!

Look at all those positives today when, yesterday was so gloomy. You had all but given up but you are back in the saddle ... are you Cas? Sounds like it, to me.

Not surprising that the start of the walk H was a bit edgy. After a few weeks of nc, I too find it a bit strange. It's odd to think that someone you have spent so many years with day in and day out, can suddenly become a 'stranger' to you. It comes back quickly enough though and no place like the beach to put it all back in to perspective - with all of the glory that nature has to offer - the water, sand and a setting sun. Idyllic.

I figure that H stood aside not expecting to be introduced as he was unsure of what the colleague knows. He could have been feeling on very shaky ground at that point, is my best guess. Vulnerable.

Sounds like it all went perfectly though. You must be feeling pretty chuffed with yourself and no wonder you have the vigour to go home and clean the house - just don't burn out and keep some energy back ...!

Are you prepared/expecting a pull back, if I'm not putting too much of a dampner on this new high?!!


Edited by Eskimo Nell (09/27/09 05:36 AM)
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1845670 - 09/27/09 06:21 AM Re: Patience and No Expectations [Re: Eskimo Nell]
dolphin_05 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/21/09
Posts: 1432
Every time I walk along the beach which is most days I am reminded just why I live here. It really is the most glorious scene. I especially love the early mornings, watching the sunrise is so beautiful.

Good point about H being vulnerable when we saw the colleague. I introduced H by name and said "This is D; we work together." Now D is a lovely young guy and he knows who H is by name but he knows we're separated. At the end of the conversation, which I cut short so H was not too ill at ease, D very nicely said , "It was good to meet you H." So that made it more comfortable for H as well. As we walked on H asked a little more about him and his work.

I'm happy with today Nell but I am also realistic enough to know that it was a walk and that's it. H won't make contact again. I will initiate something along the way but again it has to be simple and uncomplicated. I have to give it time. I'm also busy proving to him that I can be a friend without the pressure of further expectation. After our NC I know he is watching and noting even if he is out of contact.

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