I guess I'm seeing what comes my way...lots of variables. I have another operation in Nov which is the second stage of the one I've just had. This one will only be 1 1/2-2 hours instead of 5 and a shorter recuperation. We need to have sold our business for me to do anything re a new house and the travel requires me to organise some leave and someone to look after D and run her around. However, I must start to make some definite plans just for me!
Been lurkin' and thinkin' and thinkin' and lurkin'.....
I am happy that the dinner went very well. I agree that H must have been deep in thought....looking at his lovely family and at the same time realizing he walked out on all of them. I wonder if H was feeling a wee bit sorry....If so, good for him!!!!
It's feels very good to spend time with the kids, especially a son and especially when the day goes as well as yours did!!! I really enjoy the times my son and I have a great day. Of course he's 13 and still requires help from me to get around, I hope we always have a special bond.
I love having my son....I wouldn't know what to do without him. I am glad he is a son. He has become the most wonderful, caring, thoughtful, kind, loving person. I feel this life lesson he has had to learn at a very young age will forever teach him the right way to treat loved ones.
He has become "my son". He has had such little contact with H these past 4 years that he really doesn't regard him as a Dad, he just thinks of him as his father and lives without thoughts of him. My son is loyal to me and guarded of me. Hs presence has little place in son's world.
I make sure when H is around son treats him with kindness and respect. I can say that son doesn't love him. I can say that H probably loves son, doesn't show it ever. They are definite strangers to one another. I am fine with it. I didn't cause it. This is another one of those choices H has made and has to own. A very stupid man would neglect and abandon his only son.
OK, convo is turning dark, it should be light and fun.....
I hear you about living the next year for you. I am all about doing the same. I am ready for me..... H can go (insert whatevah you like here)........!!!!!!!!!
Gotta really run for work now.....
(((((Hugs to you all)))))
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
No, the op is the way forward...it's quite exciting so don't feel sorry for me. My sorry days are well behind me!
I'll be there for that Singapore Sling, that's for sure. It's quite a few years since I went to Raffles but I love the place! (and the drinks are pretty good too!)
I've replied to your thread and hope it's of help.
Sanderika, I've been doing lots and lots of reading and reflecting. I keep thinking that if H isn't pushed to make a decision he will continue to cake eat. He needs to make a final decision. You've given him so much and all he has really done is taken from you....because he can (and I'm thinking of me too as I write this)
Here's to 2010..........we can all meet in some exotic destination!
Day 4 (started counting from when I text him re his new home)
Some changes I need to make at least in the short term
-not cater for H for Christmas. If he wants to have time with the kids he can initiate and organise -not offer to organise joint gifts. He can initiate or I will do my own separate gifts -not let him know about friends/family news unless he asks -no friendly 'btw' texts/emails -no offers to go to kids things together (eg awards night). I need to just advise when it is on. He will probably want to sit together anyway so let him ask about arrangements -no discussion about the trivialities of the kids-handle on my own -no asking for assistance with household tasks-do alone
Question: I have written thank you notes to the people who visited me in hospital/sent flowers etc. Do I send H a thankyou note? He visited twice including bringing kids up on D's birthday and organising and bringing a cake. Courtesy says yes and it could be an opportunity to confirm that I am happy and just not in contact rather than him thinking my lack of contact is due to me being unhappy/annoyed with him. Flip side-180 would be no thank you
I too was wondering about the Christmas side of things even though at this point I don't know where we will be at.
My opinion on the thank you note could be entirely wrong, but I see it as not being necessary to send your H one. To me part of his responsibilities to his kids is to take them to see you and organising a cake is something you do regardless.
I imagine you had already thanked him when he brought the kids to see you and the cake.
Totally agree with Oz, Cas - you don't need to thank your H for visiting you in hospital - that goes with the territory of being M ... like it or not.
It's amazing that we have all started talking about Christmas so soon, isn't it? Guess that it's the next big challenge for us to face and we are getting prepared ... time is our friend.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
