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ericmsant2,

Sometimes this is what it is. You may end up with a new relationship with your spouse, but she may have grew into someone who cannot like you and you cannot like them.

This happens. I hope it works out.

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Thinking of my wife as dead, yeah i'm not there right now and probably wont be for a while. I can however remain upbeat and act as if.

I've given it all to God. It is out of my hands. I know how to act now. I've read about 10 different books, all of them saying the same thing just in a different way. I'm working on myself and taking care of my kids. I want my marriage to work out, and I know I can trust that Gods path for me will be one that I am going to be healthy and happy. I know I will always love my wife and I will always want to take care of her. But I'm what is important right now. I want to be a better person for my two kids.

Dammit I had a good weekend. I took my wife out to dinner and for the first time since we split up I felt like she was actually Talking to me. I felt like she had opened up to me and I have been thanking God for it every moment it pops into my head.

She still thinks that she did nothing wrong by getting involved with OM, but honestly I don't even care about it. I just want us to be together. I'm not vindictive I don't have the ability to hold a grudge against her.

I get all kinds of mixed emotions but now I know what to expect from them and I can step off from it and concentrate on something that will put a smile on my face(like my daughter stealing the neighbors puppy).

One of the things that bothers me is that I can be fine when she is gone. I do think of her but I don't have the heart ache for her, or it isn't as strong. But when she comes over I just want to be near her. I want to touch her and hold her. Kiss her.

Reading and reading. seems like that is all I do.

I went to the school I want to apply for and toured it. I want to go there. It looks like I could learn alot from there and I can develop my skills as an artist and an illustrator. I hope that I'll be able to find a job that will work with schedule. Having the kids is great, but I never imagined what life would be like as a single parent, I wish that my W would help me more with them its almost like she is a glorified babysitter. I'm lucky to have my parents around to take them every once and a while because there are times where i just have to go into my room and close the door.

Read 5 love languages. Was really bummed out about it. But got over it quicker because now I know what to do.

W has been flirting with me more and more. Don't know if it is because OM is out. Yeah she realized he is a huge douche. I wanted to be like I told ya. But i just validated and listened.

Good things good things

Father in heaven thank you for the tiniest of steps forward. Let me continue to trust in you and have faith in your plan for me.

Amen


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D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30

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Originally Posted By: ericmsant2
Wild / Jasper

I too have finally accpeted that the women I fell in love with is dead. She died. I now must grieve and then move forward.

The key is to accept that the old M is really dead. Kaptuz - over. That does not mean that you cannot start a new M or R with your W but want you need to do is let her go. Let go of the damn leash. She knows you love her - trust me she does..right now she is not sure how she feel about you. So if you let go and let God you just may have an opportunity to win her back but no one except God know if that will happen.



Eric, one of the things that I have realized weeks ago is that my old marriage is dead. And why would I want to go back to it anyways? I would be crazy. I was misarable. Thinking my wife is dead on the other hand is tougher because we are getting along. Yes, I know that if we do get into an argument at it turns out bad things could get way worse. It has been my stand point since she left that I will make every effort for her to feel safe and comfortable in my house. The hardest thing for anyone is to admit that they were wrong and to change what they have done. I know what I did wrong I am making my changes. I have asked God to forgive me for my sins. Do I still get feelings of guilt and sorrow? yes I'm human but at least I'm no longer dwelling on it. I'm not living in the past, just today. For the rest of my life today.

Gods plan for me is one where I'll never be able to see the whole picture. But with faith in him I know that I'll be more open to the nudges, hints, and glimpses he sends my way.

I'm growing for my children because I want to be the supreme example for them. I want them to know about my mistakes and what do to to prevent them.

Aces.....


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Wild -

God Bless you...from your post you are sounding GREAT!

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one of the things that I have realized weeks ago is that my old marriage is dead

This is good. When I refer to my wife as being dead I am talking about the M and about some of the great qualities that she had or still has but are covered with her MLC crisis. I do not believe that she as a person has died but our M and some of her quality no longer exist. But yes I still love her and still stand for my M.


Quote:
Yes, I know that if we do get into an argument at it turns out bad things could get way worse.

Hopefully you are not getting in R arguments since you should not be bring up your R. Right smile

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The hardest thing for anyone is to admit that they were wrong and to change what they have done.

yes hard especially for an MLCer but NOT impossible so keep up the hope.

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I know what I did wrong I am making my changes.

This is a good place to be right now...

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I have asked God to forgive me for my sins.

He is just and able to forgive us of all of our sins buddy.

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Do I still get feelings of guilt and sorrow? yes I'm human but at least I'm no longer dwelling on it. I'm not living in the past, just today. For the rest of my life today.

Another good place to be. You may find that the guilt and sorrow returns from time to time but DO NOT beat yourself up. Try thought stopping. Once the thought comes into your mind - change your thoughts to something positive. If you are feeling angry though find a way to let it out just not at her. Trust me I've made that mistake more than once.

Quote:
I'm growing for my children

and for yourself...

Quote:
because I want to be the supreme example for them.

and to yourself! And to other people who will look at you and say WOW - what a man of character!

You are doing really well man...really well.. Keep it up...

God Bless,
Eric


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
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Quote:
Hopefully you are not getting in R arguments since you should not be bring up your R. Right


Exactly right. I haven't brought up our R in a long time. Since we got into it after my surgery. She did bring it up or rather her R with OM and how it is over. I honestly don't like going down the path of our R. because I know her answer is going to be I need time. Fine then time you'll get you selfish, apahdfiaopwh!!!


Quote:
Another good place to be. You may find that the guilt and sorrow returns from time to time but DO NOT beat yourself up. Try thought stopping. Once the thought comes into your mind - change your thoughts to something positive. If you are feeling angry though find a way to let it out just not at her. Trust me I've made that mistake more than once.


I have been thought stopping like a mad man. I have a lot to focus on now, and that is me getting back into school. So thought stopping is coming easier to me.

All in all I'm doing good. I don't know what tomorrow holds for me and I find that I'm not worried about it. God has given me an incredible gift and that is one to speak softly and listen. I've been like that since I was 16 years old. So whatever may come from my W. I know I can deal with it accordingly.

"Today is the best day to live"

ACES!!!!!


I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.

Like:
D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30

"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
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Wild

BTW how old are you, the kids, W?

Quote:
Fine then time you'll get you selfish, apahdfiaopwh!!


LMAO! I'm trying to do the same dude. At least you get some degree of honesty. I get lies...actually now that I think about it I think the honesty would hurt just as much.

Look buddy you are getting time with her right now. Use this time to show her the man that you have become.

God Bless,
Eric


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
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Quote:
Look buddy you are getting time with her right now. Use this time to show her the man that you have become.


Eric, I know this, I so know this. I ask her to go to dinner and do things she does, so maybe "the wall" isn't as tough as she puts off. I get to be my funny charming self and I soak it up. Patience is my answer and I'm using it to my full ability. It helps that i have friends who want me to succed and have been pushing me in other areas of my life. I also soak that up. Nothing can destroy yourself worth more than wife walking away. I'm just lucky I found this site when i did and quickly started to put hard work into it.

Reading books and getting out and GALing is truly the key. It helps that my daughter is probably the coolest kid on earth and gives me the best hugs ever(even though she has sticky fingers and likes to steal live animals) lol

Thanks eric

Aces


I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.

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D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30

"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
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Eric,

Didn't notice your first question till now...

I'm 29, W27 D7 and S2

29 starting to feel like 23 again, now that Im working out. HEHE


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Eric tried to find you on alt....there is like 5 of you....are you a clone? lol

Wasnt sure which one so can ya help me out?


I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.

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D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30

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Wild -

Look for ericm sant on the alt. You will see a profile picture of me and my D. Orange shirt I believe.

God Bless,
Eric


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
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