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#1973403 - 04/02/10 02:12 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: Allen A]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
u are so right puppy! and im proud, i did tell him this wasnt working for me and once he doesnt hear from me, he will totally reel me back in...thats what its been for a few weeks, me saying this isnt working for me like this, and him trying to keep me here while he solves his problems. but i told him i cant put my feelings so on hold like this....so now we will wait and see...

allen a, read my history, nothing for my boyfriend to worry about, my marriage is long over lol....

we are both going through a divorce, i have zero concern about him going back to his wife...

as sad as i am right now because i miss the closeness with my boyfriend, look how far i have come, this thread goes back a year! hope u are well puppy...
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

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#1973913 - 04/03/10 01:07 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
so i spent the morning rereading my own thread...truly amazing how far i have come.

worst part? everything just takes time...no one wants to hear it, but time is the only thing that heals.

not that im healed, lol

but im soooooooo much better!

best part? h is playful texting me today....awwww he must miss me! i guess it just takes time for them to come around, and really, by the time they do, u have already moved on and accept its over.

sure, it sends a shiver down my spine but i know ive accepted the marriage is over so i can laugh with him now and play along.

i sure hope he deletes the texts or psycho ow will not be too happy...
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

Top
#1974288 - 04/04/10 07:31 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
ok i was wrong, i thought i could play along with h and these out of nowhere playful messages and his desire to be close to me again. its not good!

i swear, he was never like this, never playful by text. i couldnt figure out what got into him until i gave it some thought.

he was away all week by himself for work training. it was the first time he was truly alone in years. he must have been doing some thinking and missed me....hahahah, would u look at that?!

after the playful texting, when he brought son home, he came into my house and was all lingering around me, it was bizarre, awkard, friendly and full of sexual tension. when he finally left, i sent him a text that said, really, it was best that u left. he answered - why best? i said, we both know why.

then i sent a text saying, this was bad and wrong, delete your messages before you get in trouble for having an affair with your wife!

i swear, it was like april fools day yesterday.

i guess eventually all of these men/women that cheat, have crazy affairs, financially ruin their families, tear families apart, go back and forth for years and then its finally its over,,,,and bam, they want you again....

i would say there is trouble in their paradise, as we always assumed there was...and since there is trouble in my newfound paradise, i was playing along
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

Top
#1974326 - 04/04/10 09:31 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
DaddyLongShanks Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/10
Posts: 1997
mdoodles,

Thats how it goes - in the end they see you how they should have, especially if you have been the rock, while they where playing around.

Do you think you could give him a chance if he would prove to you that he wants to make a full committment to coming home to you, and putting all of this mess past you?

Divorce is messy and I wouldn't really suggest it unless there is a case of systematic abuse, and neglect and its your only alternative.

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#1974365 - 04/04/10 11:16 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: DaddyLongShanks]
jasper67 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/14/09
Posts: 1073
I so needed to read something like this...I know it's a wrench in the works, but MAN I love to see the wayward snap out of it...

I agree w/ DLShanks...D is messy, there's S involved...if there was a committment what would you do?
_________________________
DARK

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#1974465 - 04/04/10 02:50 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: jasper67]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
work things out with him? um, nope. never.

read my thread, its a long messy trip ive been on...

i will always love him but this marriage is over. totally over. do we get along? yes. is the attraction there? yes. do we both remember how it was before he had the affair? yes. but could we ever work it out? no. too much damage and not just to me, to our families.

if u read my thread, u will see how he financially destroyed us, lost my home to foreclosure, we opened a business together using family money and our own in order to start over and have him leave the environment where the ow was and he ruined it all and lost all the money and went back to her.

he has gone months without paying me until recently, he throws me a tiny check, he owes me thousands of dollars.

did i mention having the mistress arrested? um yeah, this is a messy situation.

and i happen to think i love my boyfriend. so really, i have moved on.

my husband will always have a place in my heart and there will always be the pull to him, especially when he is playful and looking to get close to me. but the marriage is over.

i dont even think he is looking to work things out. most likely he is getting tired of sleeping with only psycho ow, lol
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

Top
#1974478 - 04/04/10 04:05 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
jasper67 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/14/09
Posts: 1073
oh well...alls well that ends well...the damage in your sitch sounds familiar- especially starting a business w/ family money, etc, etc...

Wreckage of the past...

I'm so happy you've moved on...I would like to be in your shoes as well...esp if H wanted to work it out and you were no longer interested...I would very much like to be given the opportunity to have a choice in the matter...I know I do now, but I would really like to see if things were done diff, if the M W and I had could be exponentially better.

Best
_________________________
DARK

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#1974494 - 04/04/10 05:25 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: jasper67]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
i like to think ive moved on...but it seems it doesnt take much for him to get my attention again...not in terms of getting back together, just in terms of getting my feelings back for him.

on the topic of my boyfriend (with whom i am now playing the no contact/180 thing), he admitted to me that he had an affair while married to his wife...not exactly what someone like me needs to hear, especially 4 months into our relationship. not that he would have admitted it when we first met. he told me it was a huge mistake but this affair was off and on with the same woman for a few years.

any thoughts on dating someone who has a past history of cheating after being married to someone that cheated?
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

Top
#1974513 - 04/04/10 06:04 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
jasper67 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/14/09
Posts: 1073
I think you know the advice people on this thread will give...
I cannot give you an unbiased opinion- I am deeply hurt by my W's A and I have ZERO respect for OM, OW, and a cheating spouse...

That being said- his A lasted years w/ the same woman- are they still in contact?

You know what you deserve...tread lightly
_________________________
DARK

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#1974544 - 04/04/10 07:09 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: jasper67]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
oh i dont even want to answer your question...he works with her, well, she works for him.

i never would have gotten involved with him had i known the story. he admitted it all to me a few months in and i can honestly say i trusted he had not been with her.

he owns the business and she works with him because he bought her business out, i believe while the affair was going on. he wants to fire her but cant because she could sue. i know they still speak but he told me it was over and he wouldnt go back with her.

look, its either i trust him on it or i dont and i chose to trust.

i am 12 years younger than him and she is 2 years older than him. i dont really see her as my competition if u know what i mean.

my issue is more that right now we are kinda on a break since he has so many crazy issues on his plate and cant give me the full attention relationship we were in, its now i wonder if he is seeing her, but i guess if he is seeing her now, its not really my concern, so long as it wasnt when we were seriously involved.
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

Top
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