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#1800323 - 07/13/09 08:57 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: Puppy Dog Tails]
vickyd Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/08
Posts: 476
BTW doodles, don't feel if you change the locks he won't come around in time. When h and I first separated for like 6 weeks I refused to change the locks I didn't want to make him feel bad. Then when I made another attempt last year to kick him out I changed the locks, then he actually knew a trick way to get back in while I was away. This long sep, i didn't change the locks but when he said he's not coming back I asked for the keys back b/c I knew he wanted to come in as he pleased. And I wanted to prove a point. Nw, even without keys, H is coming around. If all goes well and he does right I plan on doing something special when I give him back his keys. Will see.

Not saying that you should change the locks if you'r not comfortable, just letting you knwo if at any point you decide to do that know that it doesn't mean all is lost. He would be upset at first, but he would get over.

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#1800364 - 07/13/09 09:35 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: vickyd]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
good to know....im very upset right now. angry and upset.

he just left, of course, stayed his 4 hours, time to go now

it bothers me to think he can actually be mad at me. im sure it will blow over, always always does. and he didnt even seem that annoyed anymore.

im just upset. about everything.

we are going through so much financially, and where the hell is he? certainly not "consulting" me about his actions and day to day life.

i had intended to go out while he was here, that got screwed up. i didnt want to leave the house with him angry, didnt want him to take anything if i wasnt here.

im not up to changing the locks. just not.

i want to play nice as much as i can, and still tackle everything behind the scenes.

i dont want him getting angry and then using our son to get back at me. he has done it before.
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

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#1800374 - 07/13/09 09:42 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
i just happened to see what everyone had written in regards to what i should wear lol....trust me, i always look hot when he comes, i know just what to wear to drive him nuts...today i actually planned my shower time to just be coming out when he got here...

i think my plan for tomorrow when he calls is to say, hey, im on the other line, i will call u back...

what else guys? what is my next plan?
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

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#1800437 - 07/13/09 10:41 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
a bill collector called in reference to our oil bill --- i told them to call his cell phone!

best case scenerio - psycho goes through his phone and calls the number back and hears its a bill collector!
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

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#1800652 - 07/14/09 10:57 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
im feeling alittle weird, like im not quite sure what will happen next or what i will do next.

i think i will speak to my attorney to see my options.

we all know i do not wish to proceed legally, however, financially, things need to be done. he needs to be shown what is expected of him, because clearly he isnt aware.

he really thinks he will get half of things...i thought he saw that wasnt happening when i refused the mediation settlement last year.

talk about delusional...

anyway, spoke to my cousin (a divorce attorney) she told me i can continue to try to sell other furniture. she said u are selling marital property to pay marital debt, no problems there.

i sense the fear in me. its all fear. fear of how he will react if i move forward and pull out the big guns - which really is what im entitled to.

im afraid of his reaction. i need to change that.

my cousin also said that i wont want to file harassment against psycho, but the harassing behavior from her can keep her from seeing my son, atleast until a divorce is final (and since i will only settle for a separation, we have a while).
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

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#1800678 - 07/14/09 11:50 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
Puppy Dog Tails Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/08
Posts: 18296
Hi Pearl,

What are the "big guns" for which you are going to ask?

Puppy
_________________________
"Still at the end of every hard-earned day, people find some reason to believe" -- Bruce Springsteen







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#1800679 - 07/14/09 11:56 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: Puppy Dog Tails]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
"big guns" is a phrase from my attorney lol...

it refers to when i actually do something, like request what i am entitled to.

so in addition to child support and maintenance, i want the entire 401k and all items in our home....from what i understand it is what im requesting to pay back the marital waste and money owed from the store.

he will be in for a shock when he sees what i have documented, how much information i have gathered that he doesnt think will be held against him.

if we lived in a different state he would be ok, but ny is a fault state. he would have been lucky if i was willing to mediate.

i dont want to proceed with a separation/divorce, but i think i have decided that i will file a motion for immediate support.

and he can claim he isnt working, but the judge will wonder how his cars are being paid...
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

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#1800706 - 07/14/09 12:49 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
Stronger Offline
Member

Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 986
Loc: Florida
You know what Doodles?
I think it's time for the big guns. I'm not a professional, all I have is the fact I'm living through this crap too, BUT things really started to change for me when I was ready to walk away. I hated the idea, still do, but I was pissed. I had had enough of H thinking I was not the prize. I finally got to a point where I knew, I am soooooo much better than her.

Then, my mother gave me the best advice/explaination: If you knew for fact he was coming home, sooner than later, how would you act? What would you do? You would go live your life and even laugh at his stupid antics. You'd be fine.

And she's right.

So my advice to my mdoodles, time to show him who's really in charge. You.

I think at this point, he doesn't see you as the lighthouse, the place to turn to when he's stressed or upset. I think he sees you as the doormat he can still wipe his feet on.

Why not show him, you are the prize?

But if you aren't ready.....I completely understand. I wasn't ready in December, January or February or March. Sort of got there in April, back off in May but got there in June, in a big way. That's when my mother and I had our big talk.

Whatever you want to do, I'm with you.
_________________________
M-34/H-35/S-4
Bomb-11-08
OW confirmed 12-08-OW ends 6-09
D finalized 4-10
Stronger=Happy

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#1800713 - 07/14/09 12:57 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: Stronger]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
i think its fair to say im not ready for legal separation/divorce.

but taking him to court to get money im entitled to, married or not, i believe i am ready to do.

ive tried being nice, ive tried laying low and giving him the benefit of the doubt.

i understand he has no job. but there is money somewhere and we come first, not his cars. not his cell phone.
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

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#1800729 - 07/14/09 01:16 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
Stronger Offline
Member

Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 986
Loc: Florida
Duh.
Of course you do.
And you're right there is money somewhere.
And if worse comes to worse for him, he needs to start looking at Hondas.
_________________________
M-34/H-35/S-4
Bomb-11-08
OW confirmed 12-08-OW ends 6-09
D finalized 4-10
Stronger=Happy

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