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saw h yesterday....i knew he was too shy to tell me the dream in person...he came into my house and is all friendly and hangingaround....we texted after, the most i got is it was some kind of sexual dream...i said to him, i know u so well, u would never talk about stuff like that with me...then i said, why tell me? u made your choice, u are just about rid of me and should be happy, ive finally moved on and u keep popping back up, what do you want from me? so a few texts back and forth later and i seem to be starting an affair with my husband.

we are bizarre...by day we battle the bitterest, ugliest emotionally charged divorce case... and by night, we are trying to sleep together. so weird.

i cant explain it. i know im pretty much over him, love my boyfriend and would choose him in a second over h....but i guess because right now things with boyfriend are kinda on hold, im entertaining h. not good but i think alot of people going thru divorce must experience this at some point.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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No, this is not good... because you are using the boyfriend.


Oh well, the cycle of abuse goes on.


M-47,W-40,No kids
D-filed 5/27/2010
Piecing - 10/21/2010
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Originally Posted By: TimeHeals
No, this is not good... because you are using the boyfriend.


Oh well, the cycle of abuse goes on.


AGREED.

Doodles, moments of occasional playfulness and even flirtiness with your exH are fine and even healthy. To pursue anything there, even just via continued text messaging after the visit, is going to mess with your head . . . AND your heart . . . at a time when you really need the first to be in top shape, and when the second is still healing from its deep wound.

In my opinion.

Puppy

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I cringed when I read about your flirtations...doodles please be suspicious- reread my last post.

Also, do you really want your boyfriend to experience the pain of betrayal? You say you'd chose your boyfriend over your H in a heartbeat so why sabatoge your relationship with him? And did the 2 of you agree you could date others while your relationship is on hold?

Sorry for the 2x4s.


me,34
exH,34
S,16 months
S:3/31/09-left for OW
started DBing 10/09
d final: sometime 10/10
current:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1
met in 2004

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i agree with you puppy. its no no no good. not at all.

boyfriend aside. im definitely not using him. if anything, its because im upset with boyfriend, if he is even boyfriend right now. he put me on hold and im angry because i was already put on hold once, different situations but feels the same. i know i would not entertain h if things with boyfriend were normal. i know right now i can do what i want while boyfriend put me on hold and he can do what he wants, things arent normal between us and wont be until he deals with all of his stress.

but either way i need to stop talking to h like this


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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Quote:
i know i would not entertain h if things with boyfriend were normal.



I think we should re-post this around the forum as an example of what goes on with rebound relationships and why you shouldn't get into a new relationship until you have finished the last one.


M-47,W-40,No kids
D-filed 5/27/2010
Piecing - 10/21/2010
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oh this relationship is finished, marriage dead and gone. its very hard however to ignore h when u have waited so long to hear the words, combine that with your current relationship being on hold.

i havent done anyhting yet and most likely wont. and if i did, i wouldnt be cheating since technically we are still married and i have not seen my boyfriend in several weeks because of the stress currently in his life. we are on hold, on a break, on a something and i am free to do what i want, no questions asked. assuming things return to normal and get serious again with boyfriend, i would never ever respond to h.

i will always love h and it is much easier to not see him or talk to him.

if anything, this recent flirting is a distraction from the ugly fact that psycho mistress now lives with my in-laws, is pregnant and my order of protection is up in less than 2 weeks. the little bit of fun ive had playing with h has relieved my reoccurring shingles pain for the moment. its just nice to know he has regrets and isnt over me. after what he put me through and our family through, its just nice to know.

tomorrow i go back to fighting for my money, talking to my lawyer and working with child psychologist regarding my son's adjustment to the divorce.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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Posts: 1,011
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yes new mama, boyfriend knows i may meet someone else. i even told him i went out with someone else. my intentions are to wait for him through his stressful period but i cant put my life on hold like i did with h. and boyfriend knows it. we got very serious very quickly and i think it freaked him out when everything else in his life got heavy. i also realized that very serious while both going thru divorce isnt so smart. i told him i wouldnt want one of us to wake up years from now feeling we missed out on something. i dont think i would, but i dont want to take the chance that he would. i feel like that is what happend with h since we got married so young and he never had a serious girlfriend other than me. love boyfriend, really really do, hope it all works out with him in the end.

oh, and h knows very well that being nice to me gets him nowhere in terms of the divorce. i will not budge an inch and if anyhting, being nice makes it harder for us to split. he doesnt even talk to me about it.



me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
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its been a year since everything went down with h and psycho ow. i recall memorial day morning last year quite well...psycho and i were texting back and forth as i tried to tell her the truth about situation. it was a hopeless attempt...he moved out and never came back....until now lol...now he likes me as the mistress fantasy and pretends when he sees me like he doesnt have psycho sitting in his parents house pregnant....i swear this is a jerry springer episode.

im in a much better place than a year ago, which is great. not thrilled that i entertain his txts or that im as friendly as i am to him. we didnt talk for months until recently.

i do know i dont want him back, i think im doing whatever it is we are doing to get back at her and him and the situation. oh well.

order of protection is up this week. will be interesting to see what happens, if she starts up again.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
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Posts: 1,011
figured i would post an update, i havent been on here in a while so im not sure who is here to see my update but if anything, i may give some strength to the new people here (if you are new, read my entire thread)...

still not divorced but since i garnish his wages, financially im doing ok...

order of protection is up, my son now knows psycho, and he hates her! lol...my son also knows the "baby" and isnt too thrilled but all in all, we are all ok...

wow, i have come a loooooong way...funny, i forget there is even a baby...

as for H, well, he emails me every single day, only wanting my attention, as well as some one on one personal time (if u know what i mean!)....i think its hysterical now...look at him, living in his parents house, which is next to the house we used to live in which he let foreclose...living with his mistress, the baby and his parents. how fun!

i always knew he would miss me. and its great to see it every day in email form. even greater? im so not interested. not even a little bit. its amazing, isnt it?

i wrote him back and said, i waited years for u, i did everything to save our marriage and u left anyway. and now here u are back still wanting my attention? i dont think so. im over u and reopening this is not in my best interest...he cannot believe it so he keeps trying!

so to all of you out there who are suffering through an affair, it really takes time to play out, time to get over, and time to move on...and i guarantee, they alllllll come back!


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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