he was back, i think

[mdoodles]

i think its very possible he is up to something with the old mistress. he is up to something and stringing me along at the same time.

had court today. its funny that h and i are the only ones that sit together while our lawyers battle it out. we then met with our lawyers together to try and reach an agreement. its amazing how moved on emotionally i am with this case. and he is losing it because i think psycho wants to get married and we arent moving quickly at all.

we told me this - u want the divorce, give me what i want to entice me to settle. im in no hurry to get remarried and u have no grounds for this action.

it might be too late, but ive finally found my voice when it comes to standing up to him. i let him have it on so many things while we were sitting there, so many digs at him. it was quite fun.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Naughtygirl.

Puppy

[mdoodles]

so it seems that psycho ow has posted on the internet how upset she is that my divorce isnt final and its killing her inside...awww, poor thing lol....i guess when h has been telling her for years that our divorce was almost final it must feel oh so long by now...do you love how she has the nerve to say its killing her inside and that she only wants a few things in life and why cant she get them??????

as for my boyfriend, i am on day 4 of no contact..doing a total 180 here because my ranting and contact has not helped, as i guess i should have known it wouldnt....he still expects me to understand the stress in his life and sit to the side...by now he must be slightly curious as to why now im finally "chilling"...im changing the whole dynamic now, and when i hear from him, im not responding so quickly and when he asks to see me, im not being so available.

[mdoodles]

well everyone, its happened. psycho ow is really pregnant...h was hiding it hoping im sure that we would settle the divorce without me knowing....well haha because that didnt happen. now that i know, i refuse to negotiate a settlement. either he gives me what i want, or no divorce.

its so sick - they moved in with my in laws, psycho is having his baby and we arent even divorced!

im ok in some ways because im over the marriage and wanting to be with him. im devastated on how dysfunctional this is for my son. he has never met her because of the order of protection, which expires first week of june.

so now my lawyer is sending a letter addressing the issues and insisting she is not introduced to my son until a psychologist gets involved and prepares him for this.

its nuts. im too normal to have such insanity in my life!

[mdoodles]

so get this - i get a random text from h today - "had a dream about you last night"....i was like, ok and? and he said - tell you later when i see you...i said - u might as well tell me now because i have no interest in looking at you when you come to get son...

then i said, funny how your subconscious bothers to think about me now...

he says - i always think about you.

do you love it??????

it is so true that they all come back. i didnt expect this from him so quickly but wow.

how i waited for him. how i wondered all of those nights when i slept alone if he was thinking about me.

he came to pick up son, i let son out and shut the door. i saw h looking to see if i was looking at him.

curious if he tries to talk to me when he brings him back.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Sad. But I completely understand.

Oh you wouldn't know a diamond,
if you held it in your hand . . .

Steely Dan

[mdoodles]

so when he droppped off son, he stood at door looking at me and seemed nervous. i said, did u want to tell me this dream? he hesitated and said, on saturday. i was like, whatever and closed the door. he kept looking at me throug the blinds, saw me laughing and wanted to know what i was laughing about. it seemed he wants me to say, come in, hang with me and tell me.i wouldnt do it....i just shut the blinds on him.

then we texted back and forth, he told me he will tell me when i have more time. i was like, time? u didnt come in, in a hurry to get home im sure...he said, no, not at all.

well folks, it seems life with psycho has become the reality and im the fantasy...living with her at his parents house (and her pregnant) isnt so fun. living next door to our big beautiful house isnt so fun.

now im the fun one, the one with my own place, the beautiful one that he walked away from. and now he wants to play with me?

unbelievable.

its flattering, its good to know he has regrets, but its not healthy for me. took me so long to get over him, im battling him in an ugly divorce and here and i am playing and texting with him?

not good.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

so when he droppped off son, he stood at door looking at me and seemed nervous. i said, did u want to tell me this dream? he hesitated and said, on saturday. i was like, whatever and closed the door. he kept looking at me throug the blinds, saw me laughing and wanted to know what i was laughing about. it seemed he wants me to say, come in, hang with me and tell me.i wouldnt do it....i just shut the blinds on him.

then we texted back and forth, he told me he will tell me when i have more time. i was like, time? u didnt come in, in a hurry to get home im sure...he said, no, not at all.

well folks, it seems life with psycho has become the reality and im the fantasy...living with her at his parents house (and her pregnant) isnt so fun. living next door to our big beautiful house isnt so fun.

now im the fun one, the one with my own place, the beautiful one that he walked away from. and now he wants to play with me?

unbelievable.

its flattering, its good to know he has regrets, but its not healthy for me. took me so long to get over him, im battling him in an ugly divorce and here and i am playing and texting with him?

not good.

Doodles,

Um, are you SURE you're over him? The above suggests otherwise. (How do you know he's peeking thru the blinds at you, unless you're looking to SEE if he is?).

Just askin'.

Puppy

[mdoodles]

well...im over him to the point where i love my boyfriend and would rather be with him....im over him to the point where im better when i dont see him or speak to him...BUT, the littlest friendliest flirty interaction sets me back. but not enough to actually say i wish i was with him.

not enough to make me upset for what once was or enough to not move forward and get him for every penny that i can.

[newmama]

Be aware that your H could also be trying to soften you so that you will ease up with what you are requesting in the D!

and I think that it will take a very long time to get over our spouses; especially when we have a child with them. We married them, we created a permanent bond....if you just accept that and then do your best to ignore it then it could help! That is what I am trying to do! Like "I acknowledge that I am feeling attracted and have loving feelings. But he is not treating me well. I do not want this alien man. I must not let him in."