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Do you have a joint checking account with direct deposit? If you do and she's changed it, the first check before she can open her own new account has to be mailed, then rerouted with the next check....happened to me when my H separated our accounts....and then proceed to bounce three payments. LOL!

Ok. If you are confident in this plan then own it and do it up!


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She said that before she left that she was going to set up her own account and then give me a money back for the mortgage payment and other bills. It could have something to do with that but I doubt it as she is paid every two weeks and will not be paid agian until late next week. I am ok with her not setting up a separate account as she makes more than I do and that means that I have money in the account for the mortgage and everything else.


"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
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What's the latest?


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The latest is nothing. Haven't contacted W and she has not contacted me. With staying in the dark things may be slow for a while. I expect to hear from her later this week to get some stuff. Probably only be a TM saying she is going to stop at home. I think that I will make some changes to the house before she decides to come over. Maybe paint a room or something to show her that if this is how she wants things then she will have no say in what happens at the house.


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Well nothing new has happened with W. It has now been two weeks since she has moved out. The only contact between us has been whether or not she has gotten any mail which was on Sunday through a text message. I expect her to contact me in the next day or so to get some concert tickets from my house. I am sure that it will be a text saying that she is stopping over. When she does stop to get them I do not plan to be around the place.

I am sure that she still thinks of me from time to time. Just not sure how much and wonder how long she will hold onto the negative feelings. In the last two weeks I have been thinking about things and reallized that yeah I was contributed to the problems but she has a lot of work to do to make things work in our M. And I believe that we can make a good M but she has to do her part as well. For a long time it seems that I have been always walking on egg-shells trying to please her and not rock the boat as it seemed like she could up and go at anytime. Well that is not the M that I want to be in. I want to be in a M that I don't have to constantly be worried that W maybe out looking for greener pastures or in one that she isn't completely honest with me. Which has been a problem with her for a long time but being the "Nice Guy" that I am let is slide way too much in fear of upsetting her.

I really don't understand how so many people here can go on for years or months of this stuff. While I am doing my own thing and am happy with what is going on in my life I still think of her constantly and wonder when she is going to snap out of it. At this point I don't think that I am one to just wait on her indefinetly to see what she wants to do with her life and if there is an OM wait for her to choose.

I will continue to keep not initiating any contact at this point. I have also cut off contact with one of our mutual friends as she would ask her what I have been up to trying to get information.

I have also been doing some reading on some of Gucci's posts. While I am still realtively new to this separation and about one month post bomb, I do think that he has some really good points. And will be working in that direction in the next couple of weeks.


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Here's what you have to ask youself: Am I willing to carry the majority of this on my shoulders for now? Yeah, we all want our spouses to want to work on it....but the problem is that they don't want to right now. So if you are saying you don't want to do that, then you're done. If you are ok with that and willing to put in the effort and the high majority if not all of it is on you for now.


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Alright well I did have contact with W today. I went home for lunch and she had been there to take some things. I sent her a text "I thought that you were going to call before you stopped". She called back 5 minutes later and left a vm. She made some excuse that she did not have time to call as she switched work schedules and she was busy. Then she went on to say that she still pays on the mortgage and it is her house as well. I called back 45 minutes later and left her a vm saying that I did not care if she stopped over but that we agreed she would call before she came over.

A couple of minutes lates she calls back so I answer.

W: I need you to bring me a friends sleeping bag to my work

M: I have already given that to him

M: I don't care that you stop by the house as you also pay the mortgage but we agreed that you would let me know if you were stopping by

W: Why does it matter you weren't there anyhow and it is still my house.

M: It matters because we agreed on you letting me know when you were going to stop by.

W: Ok but I really don't see what this difference is if you don't care if I stop by.

M: Because it was what was agreed upon. So that is all. So have a good time at the concert and I will talk to you later.

W: Wait can't you talk to me.

M: Sure what do you need.

W: I have talked to a L this week to talk about D.

M: OK so now what?

W: Well you wanted me to let you know if I talked to a L.

M: Ok so what is going on did you file papers or what.

W: No I just talked to him about what the options are with the house and everything. And how this would get done. What do you want to do with the house?

M: I don't know what are you thinking.

W: Well I think that we should sell it and then keep paying on the loan.

M: It does not work that way once you sell the house you have to pay off the loan as they don't have collateral anymore.

W: So what do you want to do?

M: Well we can sell it but would have to sell our retirement accounts off to payoff the rest of the loan since the market is down. Or I could continue living there and you would pay a portion of the mortgage.

W: Well I don't care

M: Did you file papers or what is going on?

W: No I haven't yet. What do you want to do get your own L or what.

M: Yeah I will be getting my own L and you know what I want to do and that is not get a D.

W: Well what do you want to do stay Separated forever. Cuz I am not moving back into that house.

M: No I think that we should be separated for a while and see how things are once things cool down some. But I can't stop you from getting a D and if that is what you want to do then go ahead.

W: How long is a little while?

M: I was thinking a couple of months.

W: I was thinking I would file in a month after your brothers wedding.

M: I can't stop you if that is what you want to do.

W: Well it just makes no sense to me why not as I am not moving back to that house.

M: Alright well I am going to be gone for 11 days at my brothers wedding are you going to be able to watch the dogs.

W: No I will be out of town going to another concert that weekend with (Enabling Friend).

M: Well I guess that I can just kennel them for 11 days then.

W: Yeah just do that.

M: Ok well I will talk to you later then.

Well that is pretty much the entire conversation that I had with W. This is the first time that we have spoken in two weeks. I remained calm the entire time and did not get angry or beg her to change her mind. So I really don't know where to go from here. I just can't believe that she would call a L this quick and get things going. I know look at the bright side she has not filed yet. Only a matter of time though. She is still very angry and has a lot of hostility built up. Gucci, Robx, Sandi2, Puppy could use some insight here. Thanks


And yes ADB I am willing to put in the effort to make this work.


"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
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Well, I think the lack of contact is a bad idea for you for now. You are def. out of sight, out of mind.

Time to get back in her head and maybe her heart.

I told my H I would protest the D on the grounds we never sought professional help. He was mad at the time and at some points was begging me to just sign....he never did get the papers drawn up. But we both had (have) lawyers. Neither of us have talked to our lawyers in awhile and things APPEAR to be on the mend.

I think it's time for a different tact....going dark is not working.

What does your gut say right now that you should be doing?


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Drinking large quantities of beer is what my gut is saying.


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I really don't know what I should do at this point.

I am still thinking going dark as she is still extremely upset and I know trying to talk to her will just lead to R talks. And she really wants nothing to do with me. She is gone this weekend and I will be gone for 10 days the next weekend. When I get back is when she wants to file. That is about 3 weeks. I can contest the divorce on no counseling until the end of the year if I choose. Going to ponder that for now and wait those 3 weeks.

Right now I really don't think I have any other choice than to go dark.


"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
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