I have to agree with DDay. You are going to be D next Thursday and you are still trying to be her friend, do her favors and show her what a great guy you are. I think you should go NC with her. ASAP. What is going to happen a week from Friday when she wants you to do something else. She is in crisis and you are enabling her crisis. She may not wake up for a few years.

This has to start being about YOU. Stop worrying about her and just worry about yourself. GAL.

You are buying her presents. That is pursuing. STOP.

You probably are not going to bust this D. Start thinking that way. I bet your W is not thinking that way. She has no clue what it is going to be like to be D. Maybe after you are D for a while she might realize that you were not the cause of all her problems. Right now it is easier to blame you.

I would read the resources on the MLC board. If you need help finding them I can help you.

Detach/NC. GAL.

Exactamundo!

see, I did the same thing, tried to be (x)W's friend and be there. Yeah it's a bit different as we have younger kids together and had to mantain contact (however possible) due to them.

But, once I stopped that, and let her live life with her choices and without me, she'd come crawling back for more from me. And I'd give in each time until the last. I became the WAS and her the LBS. And, the rest is history.

Thanks for the 2x4 guys. You are right.

Even my GF that was once a WAW chewed my a$$ out yesterday.
She just got her D finalized BTW.

I guess I got sucked into the R fantasy where she spends more time with me and realizes what a great guy I am etc, comes back and we live happily ever after. I needed a wake up call.

Ironically, even now she will call me and ask if I will be there (her house) when she gets home. WTF? Why? My home is where we concieved our Son and lived 23 years together. Not where she moved too.

Why am I so blind? And why does she want me to "be there" and at the same time "not want me". She's freaking crazy. She even told me to "move on" like she is. I told her I WAS moving on! Moving on to our golden years of retirement but that she derailed my tracks and screwed that all up. At least she acknowleged that.

Anyway, sometimes your heart takes over and your head moves about 2 feet lower than it needs to me (your butt).

Just woke up from the fantasy. Thanks for the reality check.

Yes, and the wake up call is to reverse this thinking. She will only realize what a great guy you are, etc, and maybe come back and live happily ever after, AFTER she experiences life without that great guy you are.

She's baiting you along perhaps as a plan B? Or she's not sure she wants to give it all up just yet.

Stop answering her calls, be silent, be mysterious, and most importantly, don't be soft with her anymore.

Oh God I screwed up tonight big time.

I didnt do it intentionally. Im just a DAM.

Got on classmates.com to look for old friends. Searched for my brothers using last name and they came up along with "my wife".

I then uploaded two photos. One of my Son and one of me and her. Big mistake because I used the one of me and her as my profile photo.

I then went to look at her page. Did not leave any notes or anything, just looked at it. What I did not realize is that if you visit, this alerts the owner of the page. And your profile picture will show up with your name on her page. I DID NOT know this.

She thinks I did this on purpose and now tells me no phone calls, no texts, no nothing from me. Zero contact.

Now I can pretty much write off dbing except to help me. I now think I have zero chances of getting her back.

I feel like crap. Why am I such an idiot? I was grey but we were getting along very well and would see each other once or twice a week. That is NOW GONE! And its all my fault.

Maybe this is a good thing in disguise but I don't know. I shot our friendship to hell tonight. She was so upset that she was crying incoherently. She said she did not want her friends to see her photo.

perfect. zero contact. I would be maliciously obedient on this request. SFA for now on.

Change your picture as well.

And yes you can write off dbing except to help yourself. As that is what dbing is. To help yourself.

Perhaps you learnt a lesson here. If your willing to see it.

P.S. No Gifts ever. OM can do that. And no friends. She was your wife. And you are not in high school any more. And currently she does not deserve you friendship. Civil only.

I agree.

Still not sure if there is an OM but she really did not like seeing her photo online and even explained she did not want people to see what she looks like now. Expecially her old HS friends.

Ironically I find her incredibly attractive even now even if the rest of the planet may not see it that way. Her loss.

I was wrong however that she was crying. Only sounded that way on phone. When I went to talk to her last night the only one that was crying was me. I was pitiful. She seemed strong and told me I needed to move on etc. She was right. Guess Ill get too it.

Yes I learned a lesson. And no more gifts and persuing. Now that you put it that way you are right. She does not deserve me anymore. Thanks cutter.

D-Day TODAY.

Very emotional day for me today.

My Son went with me to the Court House for support. I asked her one more time if she wanted to reconsider this divorce. I knew what she would say. She wanted it badly.

Divorce took all but 5 minutes to finish. I now have my walking papers. I feel like crap but at least I have my house.

Afterwards I asked her how she felt and she told me she felt much better now that she was divorced from me. Damn that hurt!

Well let's see what happens next.

Will have a few beers with my brothers tonight and talk about this.

I will continue to hang out here because AFAIAC this is not over until one of us is dead. Just how I feel. It's just a damn piece of paper.

This is very true. It is only a piece of paper and you can bet your sich is NOT over.

And this is one of the things that scares me.

I know I should detach and leave her be but I am waiting to see if an OM will now pop into the picture.

I will need stregth to keep it together if this happens.