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g450 Offline OP
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I decided to start a new thread since I am almost divorced now (Pending 9Feb10). Papers are filed and signed. Just need the final hearing. Divorce is amicable and uncontested. But it's not final yet so Im still a bit worried.

I started helping her move her things out today. (I know, don't tell me). It tore me up to do this but I want to make sure she doesn't take things that I want to keep and I want to keep things amicable until the divorce is done since it favors me. She should be completely out of my house by 15Jan (this Fri).

Just a run down my situation:

In Nov09 my 54 year old wife of 23 years told me that she did not love me anymore and hasn't for past 10 years. Told me she
wanted a divorce and with no discussion or argument. Told me she had her mind made up. She said this with a cold blank stare on her face.

I was devastated. Ironically we had a wonderful vacation together just the month prior and I thought we were getting closer together.

I pleaded with her for five days to reconsider, to go see mc, go see md etc. I then gave in to her request as it was clear that she had made her decision final and did not want to work things out. I should have gotten a clue that there was a problem when she moved into my Son's old bedroom two years ago (due to my snoring?) when he left home. But NOT once in 23 years did she convey to me that she was unhappy.

I now realized our marriage could have been better. We lived
together as always but because I was confortable with where we were I never noticed that we weren't as close as we used to be. Always thought this was normal for older couples. I never dreamed that she would want to leave me and didnt love me however.

I never cheated on her. Never abused her. Never abused drugs or stayed out etc. We just werent as close as we first were. My worst offense was spending to much time on my PC. Im not perfect but neither was she. I see both our faults more clearly now.

Like many here, I feel she is either in MLC, but most likely is just a WAW. It seems to me now like she had issues and just married me out of convenience. She knew she was going to leave years ago and just now got around to telling me. She wanted to finish raising our Son I guess (He is 20 now). That's admirable of her but she still should have told me 10 years ago that she didnt love me so I could at least have started dbing.

I now feel that I never had a snowballs chance in hell of restoring the marriage. Ten years is a long time to not love me. I was praying that it was MLC as this would give me hope of reconciliation.

Like many, at first I thought she had to be cheating. And I am still not ruling this out as a possibility. The secrecy from her regarding her PC, her phone and her Facebook thing gave me concern. I do not find any evidence of a PA anywhere but there may be an EA as per my old jealousy thread here:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...;gonew=1#UNREAD

I just feel like my wife died and this other ugly and unfeeling person has taken over her body and mind. Ironically she is a sweetheart to everybody else.

It has been over a month since the bomb and I am still in intense pain. Like a widower, I am trying to pick up the pieces. I am in one room with my chest ripped open and she is in the other room giggling on the phone with her friends and family. This kills me.

Now that she is moving out of my house maybe I can deal with this better. She is moving into my Son's house and will be there for three years or so until she retires. Once she retires she will go back to her own hometown and I will probably have to write off any chance of reconciliation after that.

Sorry for the long winded thread. I am not giving up on her. I have three years to DB while divorced. I finally have my db book and I am still holding on to hope, or at the very least helping myself GAL and a fresh start if that fails.

Thanks everyone.


Me:48
W:55
M:22
T:23
Bomb:19Nov09
S:15Jan10
D:11Feb10
EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10
Fast track to her divorcing me
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 310
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g450 Offline OP
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Still not sure if she is going through MLC or not.
Many signs but they differ.

Possible Pro MLC Signs:

Four years ago she wanted an expensive convertible sports car. Like an idiot, I got it for her for Christmas with my life savings.

Our only Son grew up and moved out two years ago.

Recently her father died. She seemed almost unmoved by this but so did the rest of the family.

The note she left on my pillow to come talk to her about divorce was formated like a cold and impersonal business letter.

Wanted a divorce ASAP after her decision. She can't get rid of me fast enough it seems.

Changing her name back to fist (deceased) husbands. Never gave a reason for this.

Took her wedding ring off.

Kicked both me and my Son off of her facebook friends list.

Spends long hours on facebook and on cellphone with all her old high school boyfriends and girlfriends.

Very guarded of her cellphone. She even takes it with her into the bathroom. I actually picked it up one time when she had a lapse. She saw me and went ballistic.

Possible Non MLC Signs:

Does not try to dress younger.

Does not go on crazy spending sprees.

Is amicable in our divorce and is not fighting me for anything. Even letting me have the house.


Me:48
W:55
M:22
T:23
Bomb:19Nov09
S:15Jan10
D:11Feb10
EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10
Fast track to her divorcing me
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,452
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Wow, from bomb date to D-date that moved quick. shocked

Not quite sure what to tell you at this point other than her protectiveness and social activities are indicators of potential foul play. But then again, maybe not. My 'W' was always over-reactive to anything to do with computers or phone calls where I didn't give her exact word for word transcription of a conversation with anyone she didn't really know. And I hade nothing going on and was just trying to GAL, even back then.


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 310
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g450 Offline OP
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Yeah, she wants to get rid of me ASAP. That's why I figured either MLC, OM or both.

Fowl play was the first thing that popped in my head and will probably continue to haunt me until I can verify later either way.

She vehemently denies any such possibilty but we all know that this doesn't mean a damn thing right?

Im still not sure if she is in MLC. Just wish I knew for sure as this would help guide me for the next few months or years. Any comments on what I posted in that regard?


Me:48
W:55
M:22
T:23
Bomb:19Nov09
S:15Jan10
D:11Feb10
EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10
Fast track to her divorcing me
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,452
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Originally Posted By: g450
Im still not sure if she is in MLC. Just wish I knew for sure as this would help guide me for the next few months or years. Any comments on what I posted in that regard?


Ok, this is a general statement, not just aimed at you....

I seriously don't understand why a vast majority of LBH come here and hop on a bandwagon of "she must be in MLC". I really don't It doesnt matter weither she is or not, the fact of the matter and the brass root of it all is she's just unhappy in your M, period, end of story. If you're that concerned to know her 'mental state', I'd be more inclined to think she's more in menapouse than anything else.

But again, it doesnt matter. What matters is life with you as her S has become an unhappy one to her and D is only answer. That's a realtiy you have to come to face with yourself and figure YOU out. NOT her.

Last edited by dday101798; 01/15/10 03:23 PM. Reason: fat finger typing

Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 310
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g450 Offline OP
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Yeah I hear ya.

Only reason I want to know is because my understanding is that MLC is usually temporary. Which would at least give me a glimmer of hope towards reconciliation months or years down the road.

But you are right. I should just continue with my life as if I knew she was never coming back. I am trying to do just that but after one month post-bomb I have a hard time grasping the possibility of that being a reality.

GAL: Thinking about doing something crazy like buying a motorcycle. Hell after all, Im single soon right?

Hey dday, can I borrow about $3000.00 from ya?

Anyway, tonight will be the last night she sleeps in our house. Started moving most of her crap out today. Tomorrow Ill go for the bigger stuff.

She seems to be dragging her heels right now though. She has had an entire month to pack her stuff up and she is still pulling crap out of closets etc. This is driving me crazy.


Me:48
W:55
M:22
T:23
Bomb:19Nov09
S:15Jan10
D:11Feb10
EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10
Fast track to her divorcing me
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,452
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Well, get used to her dragging her feet and having a hard time over all. You're just getting started. This is going to take a long, long time to unfold.


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 310
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g450 Offline OP
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Just getting started? Why? The woman acts like I have leprosy and wants to get away from me ASAP.

I can clearly hear the fat lady warming up for tomorrow nights concert.

Are you telling me that she is going to be playing games with me? Oh GOD! Like this divorce isnt bad enough?!

What is it with these WAWs? And here I thought that I was the one who was turning into a drama queen.

I already gave her, her little red MLC sports car. Damn, all I want is a POS motorcycle, a helmet and some lessons.

Can you spot me $3k?


Me:48
W:55
M:22
T:23
Bomb:19Nov09
S:15Jan10
D:11Feb10
EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10
Fast track to her divorcing me
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,452
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You're S.O.L. on getting any money out of me bud. And if I did have 3K for a bike, it would be for me. grin

Yes, you are just getting started. This situation took years to develope and it's going to take years to run it's course to the finish, whatever it may be.

Now, the the possibilty of R seems to be a little better with the folks here of your age and duration of marriage. There's your glimmer of hope I have to offer that I can see.

Heck, RonD here went through a hasty quick D too, a lot similar to yours, and that was in September of last year. A few months apart and his (x)W has moved back in and they are engaged, so there you have it.


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 310
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g450 Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 310
Well she is finally out of MY house.

Spent all day helping her move and just got home at 5PM.

Asked for for a goodbye kiss just to see what she would do and all I got was a dirty look and a "No!". Figures!

I just dont get it. Our divorce is amicable and civil but for some reason she treats me like I have leprocy. And this is the woman that I have been loving on for the past 23years?

What the hell is that all about? All of a sudden I make her cringe? WTF? Im still the same guy.


Me:48
W:55
M:22
T:23
Bomb:19Nov09
S:15Jan10
D:11Feb10
EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10
Fast track to her divorcing me
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