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AAK,

I understand that feeling of fear, having gone through that again. We let them put that fear on us and we have to shake it off and get rid of that control they have over us.

For example, I have a wedding coming up for a mutual friend of ours. But I'm actually scared to ask her to come with me. Don't know why, just comes up. Is it fear of further rejection? Probably. Is it fear of the constant wounding or cake-eating on your H's part where you give and give and he doesn't return anything? Probably.

You said no and that's that. Let him throw his tantrum.


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Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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Quote:
For example, I have a wedding coming up for a mutual friend of ours. But I'm actually scared to ask her to come with me. Don't know why, just comes up. Is it fear of further rejection?

Most likely she'll go because I've learned the married couples are the world's best actors. We were like that. We always put on a good front at events and then would ride home in silence.


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Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
H not happy about me refusing to take him to the airport...I don't know why it scares me to tell him that I do not want to do it. Not just that I have plans but that I simply do not want to.


Of course it's scary. But it should be scarier for him. You told him what's what. If he doesn't want to work on the R and dump the GF then there will be more of the same.


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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Or in the words of Tallahasse, tell him to "Nut up or shut up."


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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I have to quit talking and start walking...



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Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
I have to quit talking and start walking...

smile


AKA: "Ben the school teacher"
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Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08
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A&K, are you out there?


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
orangedog #1855640 10/14/09 05:17 PM
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I'm here. Just been living. Not that it's been easy but H is out of town so that helps in its own way.

Last night I had a dream that S7 was drowning and it is what too dark to see...I saw bubbles and then nothing. I couldn't get to him. cry

Then I had a totally separate dream where H and I were standing in the kitchen and he embraced me and told me very gently that is sorry and that this is everything to him...I can't remember exactly what he said because I think my real life inner voice was screaming "Noooooo...you can't dream about that!"

Anyway. I'll post when I have something succinct to say. Could take a while. wink

Last edited by aliveandkicking; 10/14/09 05:18 PM.


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Well, basically have spent the time away trying to recover from the smack-down of the revelation of GF and having felt duped by H. He went back on the road, again I've been left with not enough money to pay the bills, kids really struggling with their dad being gone and processing the separation. It's been quite overwhelming. Been trying to focus on a believable plan to get out of this muck and stay out of victim-mode...gonna go work for my mom (which is close to cruel and unusual punishment) and it wont even scratch the surface. Working on tightening up my resume and seeking more lucrative work, also throwing time into my creative ventures (long-shots as far as $). Been trying to get back to brass tacks with H regarding the #1 priority being providing for our children above all else. He is living the dream and I still get emails and updates regularly. I don't respond.

Last night, he called late at night. I was really thinking about him and still have this damn wish that he's gonna "get it." Well, seeing as my life is a movie at this point, true to plot, he was calling to inform me that rock star wants him to work with him for next two years and will rent him a house on tropical isle and have him on salary. This is a "quagmire" for H for he realizes that the kids are suffering not having their dad, especially in light of our situation. Perhaps I would be willing to come out with them and school them there and...well, I said that we would need to discuss when he gets back as given the dynamic between us, I would not know what I was walking into, every time we're alone we're all over each other...I don't think I could go without clarifying what is going on between us. Plus, and of paramount importance, regardless of how much money he makes, we must address our finances and make an agreement, living like this is intolerable. I brought up GF, he got quiet, she's still an issue. It's "complicated" he keeps saying, not sure if I should pursue wtf that means...is she pregnant? He seems so ambivalent about her in some ways, even seems to be dating other women, does it matter?

This was our dream together and yes I told him, we always told the kids we were going to go away together...we talked about our R a little bit, and about what's at stake and for all of his admissions of f*cked upness, is he gonna do something about it or make huge life altering decisions while on the run?

I'm trying to look at the upside here. If he is out of town for most of the next two years and away most of the time, I get some financial stability and him out of my hair OR, if he does want to give "us" a chance, perhaps I take the leap and go to tropical isle and write and have an adventure with my children and we give it a shot...it is still not a full head on confrontation with "reality" but that may never happen.

As his world turns, who knows what he'll throw at me next? For now, I'm gonna proceed as if nothing is different, cuz for now it isn't, I still have not enough money for bills and my kids to care for on my own. Boy did I pick a "winner."

Thoughts? I'm ducking.



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Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
I'm trying to look at the upside here. If he is out of town for most of the next two years and away most of the time, I get some financial stability and him out of my hair OR, if he does want to give "us" a chance, perhaps I take the leap and go to tropical isle and write and have an adventure with my children and we give it a shot...it is still not a full head on confrontation with "reality" but that may never happen.

If you join him in the fog, what do you gain and what do you lose?


AKA: "Ben the school teacher"
---
Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20
Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08
My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09
W w/OM 6/09-11/09

My Intro Thread
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