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#1838950 - 09/16/09 08:30 PM Re: Robx- here ya go, more blood letting... [Re: RedSoxFan]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Originally Posted By: RedSoxFan
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
Career- well, I have considered going back to school. I am also sort of eeking toward a very fantastical old pursuit...the world is my oyster. grin

Sounds like a blast!

We're all different, but for me I'd say keeping things simple for the next year or so feels right. I'm not really afraid of tons of simultaneous change...actually I sometimes thrive on it...but I think I want to leave plenty of room for enjoying kids, life, etc. without too much stress or pressure. Ya know?



Ya, I get it. I just have been dependent on H for so long, I am really starting over in every way.

BTW- my grin was a bit sarcastic. I'm trying to look at the positives but I'm pretty nauseated by the ambiguity.
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#1838952 - 09/16/09 08:31 PM Re: Robx- here ya go, more blood letting... [Re: AlexEN]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Originally Posted By: AlexEN
[quote=aliveandkicking]
Quote:
Career- well, I have considered going back to school. I am also sort of eeking toward a very fantastical old pursuit...the world is my oyster. grin


Not the Tattoo Parlor again!


No tattoo parlor...and hey, how are you?????
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#1838957 - 09/16/09 08:46 PM Re: Robx- here ya go, more blood letting... [Re: RedSoxFan]
RedSoxFan Offline
Member

Registered: 08/15/09
Posts: 573
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
Career

OK, I'll come clean. I don't really have any marital problems at all. I'm just here doing research for a new Divorce Busting reality TV show I'm working on...want in?

NOT!!
_________________________
AKA: "Ben the school teacher"
---
Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20
Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08
My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09
W w/OM 6/09-11/09

My Intro Thread

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#1838959 - 09/16/09 09:05 PM Re: Robx- here ya go, more blood letting... [Re: RedSoxFan]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
crazy
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#1838960 - 09/16/09 09:07 PM Re: Robx- here ya go, more blood letting... [Re: Coach]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Originally Posted By: Coach
Quote:
I am absolutely stumped when it comes to deciding where to move with my kids and where they should go to school and what path I should take for myself (career-wise etc)...nothing feels right or clear.



Start with the end in mind. Then break it down into pieces. You can handle it. The activity helps create more energy to get moving.

Cheers


Thanks Coach...I hate to be a whiner but really, nothing feels "right"...I mean I think I know my preference but each choice obviously requires compromise and I'm afraid to make the big choices...waaa, where are my "big girl" panties???
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#1839003 - 09/16/09 10:03 PM Re: Robx- here ya go, more blood letting... [Re: aliveandkicking]
RedSoxFan Offline
Member

Registered: 08/15/09
Posts: 573
Originally Posted By: Coach
The activity helps create more energy to get moving.

yep

Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
I'm afraid to make the big choices...waaa, where are my "big girl" panties???

How big are the choices really? People who make many decisions, quickly, then discard or course correct when they don't work, get much further in life, business, whatever, then people who hesitate, over analyze, exercise too much caution, etc.

How big are the decisions really? Does the world end if you need to course correct? If they're too too huge, maybe you don't make them right now. Decide to decide!!

I think I was talking to myself but maybe that helped you too ;-)
_________________________
AKA: "Ben the school teacher"
---
Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20
Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08
My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09
W w/OM 6/09-11/09

My Intro Thread

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#1839064 - 09/17/09 12:28 AM Re: Robx- here ya go, more blood letting... [Re: RedSoxFan]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Well, I tend to overanalyze and be very conscientious; sometimes to a fault but with my H being such an impulsive weenie, I have sort of been the voice of reason. I used to be much more spontaneous but I always felt that I could deal with the ramifications because it was my life. Now, my kids are involved and I feel responsible for making more thoughtful decisions.

I realize it isn't the end of the world but here's the deal. The kids school is far from where I live now. I don't love where I live now (have to move cuz the house is too expensive anyway). I don't love the school (a bunch of people are leaving) but it is an alternative arts school and the kids like it- it is moving further away to an area that I am not crazy about (smoggier and more urban) but the kids would be stressed to change schools now...but, better to make the switch now and put down roots somewhere.

The area I want to live in would be much more idyllic but further from extended family and from H (by about 30-45 minutes)...I know some people there but not well but it is a real community so I imagine we'd do alright.

So, I need to decided where we will move and the kids will have to change schools too...unless I move to an area I'm not crazy about to keep them in the school which is going through major upheaval...

This stuff stresses me out because it is about my kids' educations, lifestyle, friends, proximity to family etc.


Oh, and lastly, the place I want to move requires a stroke of luck to find a place and can be pricy.

So, I am looking everywhere and hoping something strikes me as "it"...

Welcome to my brain. crazy
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#1839109 - 09/17/09 01:59 AM Re: Robx- here ya go, more blood letting... [Re: aliveandkicking]
RedSoxFan Offline
Member

Registered: 08/15/09
Posts: 573
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
This stuff stresses me out because it is about my kids' educations, lifestyle, friends, proximity to family etc.

Dude, I have some much respect for you, you have no idea. My challenges and problems are minuscule comparatively. Seriously, I'm humbled by the strength and bravery I see from so many on this forum. No doubt that sounds like a bunch of corny bullsh*t but its the truth.

So I get your predicament. I definitely agree about your focus on maintaining consistency and stability for the kids wherever possible. What I didn't see enough of in your problem description is an account for your needs. You are the most important piece of consistency and stability in the kids lives. Your happiness, is their happiness. If friends, community, and support are important to you then make sure you're valuing them appropriately. If I were you, and that's a big if, I would do the math and figure out where you want to be and go after it whole a$$. I'm not for the 'cast a wide net and see what you catch' approach.

Either way you're strong and brave and smart and a good mother and I already know you'll be successful and happy.
_________________________
AKA: "Ben the school teacher"
---
Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20
Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08
My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09
W w/OM 6/09-11/09

My Intro Thread

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#1839146 - 09/17/09 03:46 AM Re: Robx- here ya go, more blood letting... [Re: RedSoxFan]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Originally Posted By: RedSoxFan
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
This stuff stresses me out because it is about my kids' educations, lifestyle, friends, proximity to family etc.

Dude, I have some much respect for you, you have no idea. My challenges and problems are minuscule comparatively. Seriously, I'm humbled by the strength and bravery I see from so many on this forum. No doubt that sounds like a bunch of corny bullsh*t but its the truth.

So I get your predicament. I definitely agree about your focus on maintaining consistency and stability for the kids wherever possible. What I didn't see enough of in your problem description is an account for your needs. You are the most important piece of consistency and stability in the kids lives. Your happiness, is their happiness. If friends, community, and support are important to you then make sure you're valuing them appropriately. If I were you, and that's a big if, I would do the math and figure out where you want to be and go after it whole a$$. I'm not for the 'cast a wide net and see what you catch' approach.

Either way you're strong and brave and smart and a good mother and I already know you'll be successful and happy.


Damn that's nice of you. Thanks. When you follow corny bullsh*t with "go after it whole a$$"...it's a good example of what works for women. wink

I have to take responsibility for the fact that I don't really know what will make me happy. I have learned how to be happy no matter what so I am now more attached to the outcome for my children than for myself...I'm not sure if that makes sense but, really, we have moved so many times and things are absolutely contrary to how I envisioned them, we have no real roots, we have friends all over in different areas...my children's well-being and quality of life is of paramount importance to me and is directly correlated to my satisfaction with my life. I don't live through them but being their mom is #1 on my list.

I just had an hour long conversation initiated by S9 crying about his fear of death. It evolved into one of those most memorable events where S9, just before falling asleep, declared that he is so happy to be him, not me, not his brother, not x or y or z but himself...it was so wonderful.

Somewhere in there I asked them what they think is at the top of my list of what I'm grateful for and S6 said "your marriage"...that really floored me and led to a touchy conversation...one of those, I wish H could hear what I'm hearing moments but as I told my kids, things don't always appear to be just how you want them, but they are just how they are meant to be. Sounds trite but we explored the topic more and it was so good.

I have two amazing boys. I am really blessed. I have diverged a bit here but since I can't share this with H, I figured I'd share it here.
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#1839315 - 09/17/09 02:36 PM Re: Robx- here ya go, more blood letting... [Re: aliveandkicking]
RedSoxFan Offline
Member

Registered: 08/15/09
Posts: 573
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
I have to take responsibility for the fact that I don't really know what will make me happy. I have learned how to be happy no matter what so I am now more attached to the outcome for my children than for myself...I'm not sure if that makes sense but, really, we have moved so many times and things are absolutely contrary to how I envisioned them, we have no real roots, we have friends all over in different areas...my children's well-being and quality of life is of paramount importance to me and is directly correlated to my satisfaction with my life. I don't live through them but being their mom is #1 on my list.

[Speaking in my gentle, kind and caring voice] To be honest, I just read a series of really well crafted excuses. Excuses written by a person who knows what happiness is, has every right and reason to be happy, is not going to allow it to happen. Taking responsibility for it means allowing it to happen A&K.

Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
I just had an hour long conversation initiated by S9 crying about his fear of death. It evolved into one of those most memorable events where S9, just before falling asleep, declared that he is so happy to be him, not me, not his brother, not x or y or z but himself...it was so wonderful.

Somewhere in there I asked them what they think is at the top of my list of what I'm grateful for and S6 said "your marriage"...that really floored me and led to a touchy conversation...one of those, I wish H could hear what I'm hearing moments but as I told my kids, things don't always appear to be just how you want them, but they are just how they are meant to be. Sounds trite but we explored the topic more and it was so good.

I have two amazing boys. I am really blessed. I have diverged a bit here but since I can't share this with H, I figured I'd share it here.

See this is why I'm so in awe of you and the people on this forum who brave it out through the toughest of circumstances. It's because you really get what this is all about. What's important. I feel so sorry for the WASs who are unable or unwilling to 'get it' and consequently don't get to experience wonderful moments like these.

You are blessed smile
_________________________
AKA: "Ben the school teacher"
---
Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20
Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08
My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09
W w/OM 6/09-11/09

My Intro Thread

Top
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