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Yes, I get it, he told me this morning that his account is overdrawn and he needs to pay that and he will give me the difference which will pay the w&p bill and a couple hundred extra.

I get what you're saying but this is not inconsistent with how things were when we were together. We have been strapped for so long.

My biggest frustration is that now, not only are we struggling as usual, but we are having to pay for two households; which of course is why some people choose not to do this separation thing when they can't afford it!

Anyway, looking at the past months bank statements, it seems on the up and up. I have no reason to suspect he is savvy enough to think I am checking those...

Again, this is how we lived before and it continues. In way over our heads and always struggling to catch up.

I know I need to do something about it. But, like I said, we will have to move.



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Oh, and no, AlexN, of course you're not out of line. Bring it on.



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Ok, you got that covered and you had a talk with him. Good job. I would still call your L pronto and explain your sitch. Make sure the amount you are getting is what the state says he officially owes and not just what he can eke out at the moment. Take care of business.


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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Honestly OD, I am getting more than he will have to give me. Our overhead is just too high. I need to figure out where we are going to live and I have a pretty good idea of what I can expect in terms of support.

I can live on a lot less, just have to make the move (which of course is a bit complicated).

I had one visit with L. He is a relative and is tough and will not be much support emotionally, though he is one of the best. I have to be ready and steady and have my emotional support in place so I can manage all of the emotional aspects. Yes, I admit I am stalling. I am really terrified and nothing the Ts have said has appeased me. And, neither of the two I spoke to at length about this thought I should file for D.

The T I want to see is very expensive. I am trying to determine if I should go to one of the others or scrape up + beg my parents to help me pay for the one that is comes the most highly recommended. I admit it, I am really afraid.



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Overhead is too high? Why? Need to fix that or you'll drown or slowly bleed to death financially. (I know these things - Take a look at my signature.).

L is best at what? If you need the emotional support then maybe he isn't the best for YOU.


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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I can understand and relate to being afraid. Can you expand a bit on what is making you feel so frightened and maybe we can help?

One suggestion I have (and this is JMO) is an attny is there to guide you through the legal process, protect you and make sure you get all you are entitled to. While its always a bonus if they are supportive and emotionally available to help with the process, their job is to navigate and practice law. Of course find an attny you are comfortable with but an attny wont be a counselor and if they are, your bill will rack up awfully fast.

I know this is scary. My gosh I know. Trust me, I was so scared I ended up giving myself a panic disorder and I dont say that in jest - I was so terrified I drove myself to a complete mental breakdown but we wont let that happen to you.

Right now I am officially typing out all our agreements for my attny and it feels like poo. I get it.

Can you help us understand why you feel frightened and really break it down? I will stay on the computer for a while if you need to talk!

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I am driving but I will reply later. Thanks for being here.



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Ok. Hanging with S9...for anyone who has two kids, you know how yummy it is to hang with just one, especially the older one. So calm. smile

Been thinking a lot about these posts.

I need to trust my instincts more. I think once I am clear and ready, I can propose a settlement that H will likely accept.

My fear is based mostly on being responsible for taking action. Being held responsible. It seems moms are always held accountable and dads rarely (when the kids grow up and make their assessments). I wanted to stay married. I wanted that life for my kids and I get why it cannot be but it is scary to take the initiative. My hope was to be more conscious than my parents were...and now, it feels so similar.

So, my wish has been to get help in separating my sh*t from this situation and make choices that are objective and pertinent to this life and not the life that was so many years ago. I feel that my wounds are opened and unlike H, I want to be more aware of how and where from I am operating. I still feel too in the past and I am afraid to make choices from that place.

Make sense? I want some sense of wholeness before making huge decisions. But, perhaps it is unavoidable and it is the going through it that will facilitate the transformation I am looking for. Or perhaps I just need to accept that I am trying to be super human by attempting to divorce myself from the life that made me who I am.

I know this is heady stuff but it is the truth.

I realize right now, I can't wait for the transformation. I have to keep living and doing and transforming simultaneously. It is like I've wanted to hit pause, deal with my feelings and then come back to real time. As a parent, you don't get to do that, right?

So, I humbly accept that I have to do this now and from where I am however imperfect I may be...



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25, I would love to connect.



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AAK,

I am praying for you and keeping you in my thoughts. Tough decisions, and it is not fair to you. But, you have to be strong for your children. Who else will right now?

I wish I had a magic answer for you (and everyone else here). But, I don't.

Just know you are not alone here, even though you probably feel like you are.


Me 43, S11, D7
M13
Bomb 4/20/09
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