And the piece de resistance of mind f*ckery is...H just told me that he thought I had changed but clearly I hadn't because I am doing the same sh*t I used to do...I had called him and expressed my aggravation with the situation and that I have no way to pay these bills.
Yes, I was bitchy and whiny and naggy and blah blah blah. Ultimately I apologized for going off on him but I want him to try to understand the position I am in and have been for a long time...anyway, this is pathetic. I'm continually trying to get him to understand and I don't know why.
I have to move into the present and stick to the bottom line.
The T that I last spoke with said that my filing would be another narcissistic injury and that maybe I should discuss it with him first...I need to have the emotional support to do this and to figure out how.
And, I need to STOP trying to get him to get it. And, stop being a miserable person just to show him what he's doing...
I understand wanting the emotional support before you make any legal moves but this is becoming an emergency situation.
I cant say how your state works but if his freelance job(s) dont bring in the income you need for the basics (food, water, power) the judge will tell him awfully quick to get a job doing whatever (fast food, temp work, yard work) to start contributing. And if he fails to comply I would imagine his wages will be garnished.
This is a mean thought but if he has so many rich friends why doesnt he hit them up for money? This is the time to put your pride aside and use any and all resources available to you. Dont be shy about going to a food pantry or any other county resource that can give you some financial assistance or stability.
Quick money ideas: yard sale, short sale on Craiglist... if you have any old or broken gold most all reputable jewerly shops are buying it since gold is at an all time high right now. Also, look on the "gigs" section of Craiglist as there are always people looking for help for a job that may last a day or two.
We are here for you and will give you all the support we can!
He might be out of bucks right now but maybe not next week. Freelance, seasonal, or whatever, The Man will probably take a look back 6 months to a year, or look at tax returns to figure on average how much he makes and how much he should pay each month for his children.
Don't be afraid. This isn't an anger/getting even thing, this is just what State says is in the best interest of children. W and I had little trouble with this one. We together went to the state website, filled in the blanks, and got the official amounts. We didn't file it (we trust each other on this) but we follow what it says nonetheless.
Take the emotion out of it. Make the call, get it done and you'll have fewer things to worry about (like water and electricity shut offs).
I don't know a lot about Narcissistic Personality Disorder other than what I've read in Wikipedia and the DSM-IV but you're about to get your power shut off. Right now you need to take care of YOU and your children, not let it be all about him.
Edited by orangedog (07/20/0910:15 PM)
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
I agree w/the ladies on the legal stuff. He may not HAVE anything, but he'll certainly have to come up with it! Let him sell some of his freakin' souveniors he took out of your home! Let him BEG and BORROW from HIS relatives, hot shot friends, OR he will be held in contempt, and forwarded on to avenues to collect. Seriously, he won't offer help, and you can't live like this. You need to know what's coming in and when, and adjust accordingly.
HUGS TO YOU!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
You guys are so awesome. I have asked H to detail what is coming in as far as money...there should be a big check this week. I mentioned today that he should look into getting a job; I will be doing basically manual labor to make a little money. He might need to do the same...I guess he has only looked at how to make money getting paid his exorbitantly high fees.
I would like to get the big check and then go into L to file. Aaaah.
I know that I need to move into a cheaper place with the kids too. Trying to figure out where that will be.
I apologize if I'm out of line, but it seems awfully suspicious that he comes up with just enough for you to eke it out. Are you SURE he's turning over all of what he can? As Smiley would attest to, out of all the possible outcomes, for him to coincidentally come up with the barebones minimum and that to be all he has, is mathematically unlikely. But, if he had more than that available, magically he could always come up with the amount that barely covers your needs. Pardon my cynicism. You know him best, but seeing your words in print raised my eyebrows.
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