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#1804393 07/19/09 10:27 PM
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These threads sure lock up fast.

Anyways, this whole D thing really sucks. I mean to sit and act like we are strangers just really frusturates me. 11 years together and to be treated like a stranger. Just total BS.

I think I am frusturated because I am about to give my kids back to W for another week. Like everyone else here, I didn't choose this situation and it just sucks.

I'm just going through the motions right now. Ignore me. Sundays are always hard for me. I want my freakin family back intact, but I have no freakin say. Just frusturated.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1804412 07/19/09 11:11 PM
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I'm going out for dinner with a friend as soon as my W picks up my kids. That always helps.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1804457 07/20/09 12:35 AM
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I guess it just feels like my kids are going home and I can't go home with them.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1804463 07/20/09 01:08 AM
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Kevin, I'm right with you, man. My family is all still In the same house, but it's like make believe. It's very frustrating. We were all just at a family party, and at the end of the evening, everyone is sitting with their spouses around an outdoor fireplace. Some wife is getting her husband another beer. A husband has his arm around his wife as the huddle next to the fire. And there is my wife laughing and joking with her niece as I sit alone watching all the other couples. Then we get home, and I put the kids to bed while she goes out with friends.
She told me once when we were first together that she couldn't imagine doing anything without me. We will always do everything together, she told me.
This absolutely sucks.


Me-40
W-41
Together-10
M-8
S-6
S-4
Bomb 5/08
Bomb 10/08
Thought things were better, was wrong.
Still living together
Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
K4D #1804540 07/20/09 05:51 AM
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well it's true. (BTW, sometimes no one can respond to your post I think b/c you mention fb so you might not want to do that as folks here -moderators too- do not want personal contact info handed out) or maybe therre was another reason that no one could post back to you.

Um, I have nothing to say about you and OW b/c I never thought you'd ask someone out anytime soon BUT you definitely overthink things. A woman being friendly to you, especially if she sees a ring on your finger may mean she feels safe. Not everyone is out to have an affair. If she gets inappropriate, handle it then and don't spend energy on it now. Way way too much worrying about stuff. And if she did flirt a bit, enjoy that and don't analyze so much.

Oh, about the anniversary...you maybe right to ignore it but here's a way to respect her wishes IF she actually said "do nothing"

"W, I know you don't wish to celebrate the anniversary of our M, and I accept that choice. So I just got this card b/c I'd be remiss not to say thank you for these wonderful children we have and their existence in my life. If it weren't for our marriage, they wouldn't be here, so I say, "here's to them, and thank you for bringing them into our world." Sincerely, Kevin

Just a thought. I have a hard time believing she'd get angry at this but if she rolls her eyes, I'd hold my head high BUT please please, EXPECT NOTHING....if you plant a seed, it takes time to grow. If you didn't, so what? You said something nice, something real, and something your d's should KNOW is true for you anyhow. So leave after you drop the card off and don't wait for her to read it. Please, please just head out and as I said, hold your head high...as for her anti-Catholic bigotry...not that surprising. I have run into it a lot although I'm not particularly attentive, (not nearly as much as I should be) and read somewhere that it's the most underrated prejudice in America...oh well. But you know It's not as if she's arguing "the various roads to salvation" or "Augustine's views on the sacraments and the trinity", for God's sake. Seriously, it actually makes me laugh in these situations.

Back to now and you and GAL...how's THAT going?

j-


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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Orich,

I have been in those situations to with W. It is hard when you see everyone else being a couple and your W is having a good time without you and you are just sitting there wishing you were a couple again. It's not easy.

25,

It seems that you and Bob are in agreement on this anniversary idea and I am still praying on it as I don't want to screw anything further up. But if I could plant a seed, it would definitely be worth a try if I do it correctly.

Last night I asked W if she could pick up the girls at 7:30. She showed up and got them. She looked so good again. Black high heal sandals, a short summer dress, plenty of cleavage showing, hair done up. I understand what Orich is saying on his thread about the urge hitting. It was hitting hard last night. I miss the intimacy with her.

Anyways, I loaded her van and hugged the girls. I almost broke down in tears. My eyes watered up and I turned away and just waived goodbye to my W as I headed back up to my apartment. I heard her say bye. I turned back to look at my girls and one last look at W then went inside.

About 10 minutes later I get a phone call from W saying that she was sorry for being late and that I am certainly welcomed to call the kids anytime I want this week. I said thank you and I will. She told me to have a good evening and I said the same to her.

I went out to dinner with 2 friends and enjoyed the evening. It has become my every other Sunday ritual to help start off my week after losing my kids. I came home after and listened to a sermon on my computer and then went to sleep.

I'm feeling kind of down today and so I prayed some more to have my M and family restored in time.

Yesterday was a tough day for me. I was feeling very emotional and so tired of this situation. I need to start lifting weights. My kids pointed out to me that mommy like Dwane "The Rock" who is very muscular also. She is really into guys with muscles. I'm going to start this week.

No, she doesn't argue about importance of salvation. She is just of the mentality she will be forgiven for anything she does so she is going to do what makes her happy.

I did take my kids to a pool party yesterday that got rained out. They had fun before the rain kicked in. Then we got home and I spent time with each of them on the computer watching them play there wizard101 game. They were each showing me what they do and what kind of wizard they are. It was fun. I just enjoyed sitting next to them and they enjoyed explaining it to me and showing me.

As far as the OW, I did not ask her out and will not. She isn't an OW for me. I just didn't know what to make the way she acted.

As far as GAL, I have something going on each night this week. I get my kids this week Thursday night and Saturday night, then next week Monday and Tuesday night, then Thursday night thru Sunday.

I think I am in a bit of a funk again and I have to work to get out of it again.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1804687 07/20/09 02:28 PM
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One thing that makes me mad is obviosly that our S's would be involved in an A. But what makes me even more upset is that someone else would have something to do with someone that is married. What is wrong with the people of the world these days?

There just seems to be very little morality these days and respect for the institution of M.

I am backsliding aren't I. I need to lose my frusturations again and just hand it over to God. I don't need to be dwelling on any of this.

It's raining outside this morning and gray. I think that kind of weather sometimes gets me down.

Hopefully today will be a good day. It will be what I make of it.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1804725 07/20/09 03:30 PM
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Granted I didn't show strength yesterday. But that phone call also told me that my W has a heart that isn't completely made of stone either.

I listened to a daily message from rejoice ministries this morning. Those are always uplifting.

Does anyone know what happened to CityGirl and DavidsWife? I haven't seen the post in a while. Just curiouse.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1804735 07/20/09 03:49 PM
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I am thinking about having the Joe Beam marriage seminar people call my W since she won't listen to me. Good idea or bad? Will it get me into more trouble or is there a chance she might consider it?

Does it fall back under controlling and manipulative?

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1804736 07/20/09 03:50 PM
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A few things...

I posted an update on my thread yesterday afternoon, I posted two updates actually and if you go back you will be able to read them if you are so inclinded.

One thing you might consider doing is shifting the way you think a bit about your kids going "home". Right now your home *is* there home and your W's house is their "home". They just happen to have two at the moment so try and think of your apartment as their home too. Your W's house isnt their only home.

As far as an OW/OM dating a married person - you have no idea what your W (or any WAS) is telling the other person. They could be saying they are separated or a divorce is in progress. If I met somebody who said their divorce was in progress I still might hold off until things are finalized but it would be a totally different dynamic than hearing they are married. So you cant guess who is saying what.

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