Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 232 of 239 1 2 230 231 232 233 234 238 239
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 925
P
P17 Offline
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 925
Originally Posted By: K4D
[quote]I am not using the bills as a way to communicate with her. It is actually frusturating knowing each month we are going to have to discuss them. I just also don't want to push closer to the end of things in my own mind.


K, you know your own mind better than we do. I have to say however I don't believe you. First rule in this is to admit to yourself what you are really doing.

I know. I've been there and I did it. That's why I know you are doing it to.

If you are not using it as a way to communicate with her, then split them.

As CityGirl said, she is already with other men and not living with you. How much further do you think splitting the bills will actually push her? She's already about as far away from you as she can be.

Split the bills. Do it today. Get it out of your head. Drop the rope and move forward with YOU.


Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y
Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010

"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient."
"Delay is the antidote for anger"
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 925
P
P17 Offline
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 925
Originally Posted By: K4D
Quote:
I do deserve better. But is that really my choice to make? I'm not sure that it is. According to the church, it is not right now.


K, this is really not health. For goodness sake man, grow a pair will you? What do you mean it's not your choice to make? What are you a man or a mouse?

Whose choice is it? Your W's? That's the problem, it seems to be always HER choice.

Actually it's not HER choice. It's YOURS.

Rule number 1 - you are uin charge of YOU. Not HER. Not ANYBODY ELSE.

Rule number 2 - Nobody is in charge of YOU except YOU.

[quote]
So should I not ask her if we are exchanging gifts for Christmas based off her comment of I can have that temperate checker as my Christmas gift?


ARRGGHH!!

No xmas gift Kev. None. Nada. Nine.

Quote:

I won't ask her to save me a seat tonight. I will just show up and support D12 and sit where ever is available.


Good.

Quote:

W offered to sew 2 buttons on my 2 of my shirts since I have never done that before, so I will just go have it done myself and not have her do it.


Cool. You're learning.

Quote:

I had debated about asking her if she wanted to do a Christmas eve dinner with me and the girls. I guess I won't.


This is starting to sound like a sulk - 'guess I won't'. Don't ask her.

Quote:

I did ask her what time D12's karate event was tonight. She said call the school, so I will do that and not contact W.


Excellent. Another tip learned - when there is another source of information, use it and not W. DO NOT CALL W TO ASK ABOUT SILLY THINGS LIKE THIS.

Quote:
But I don't know if I want to stay in the one I am in. Either way, it should not be W's concern as it doesn't affect the kids school in any way.


So when W next asks if you are looking for another apartment, what do you tell her?


Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y
Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010

"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient."
"Delay is the antidote for anger"
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 925
P
P17 Offline
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 925
Originally Posted By: K4D
I know. I have to stop feeling like I need her. I don't know if I will ever get to the point where I don't want her back though.


I promise you something, okay.

In 3 - 6 months time, when you come back here and read that paragraph above, you will cringe. Why? Because you will have moved so far down the road that you will have made a decision either way about your W. YOU WILL. Trust me on this.

This is not a decision that you should be making now. That is a decision you make when you feel strong enough to accept EITHER proposition.

I see this as a journey where you walk down the road and better yourself. Because, one day, your W will come back to you and say one of two things - I want to try again or I want to end it. The point of the journey we all need go down is so that when the W does come back to us, we are okay having either conversation.

Keep telling yourself, I will handle it. I know you can. You just need to believe you can too.


Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y
Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010

"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient."
"Delay is the antidote for anger"
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,975
K
K4D Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,975
Quote:
So when W next asks if you are looking for another apartment, what do you tell her?


I tell her I will let her know when a decision has been made.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,975
K
K4D Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,975
Quote:
Keep telling yourself, I will handle it. I know you can. You just need to believe you can too.


I will and I will handle it.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 925
P
P17 Offline
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 925
Originally Posted By: K4D
Quote:
So when W next asks if you are looking for another apartment, what do you tell her?


I tell her I will let her know when a decision has been made.

Kevin


Good ... but tell her than once no matter how many times she asks.

Last edited by P17; 12/16/09 05:23 PM.

Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y
Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010

"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient."
"Delay is the antidote for anger"
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,975
K
K4D Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,975
I called the school and asked them what time D12's karate thing is tonight. It is at 7. I will be there for her.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,975
K
K4D Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,975
Quote:
Good ... but tell her than once no matter how many times she asks.


Got it.

What about combining with W on Christmas gifts for the kids. She had wanted to do that to save money. Do I or not? It would allow me to save money as well and get the kids a better gift.

Thoughts?

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,975
K
K4D Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,975
I am cashing out part of my 401k to pay off a credit card and to make up for not getting paid for work on Christmas day and new years day and to help make Christmas a bit better for my girls. I have another 401k plan though that I am not touching. This is the smaller one that I am pulling out.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 925
P
P17 Offline
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 925
Originally Posted By: K4D
Got it.
What about combining with W on Christmas gifts for the kids. She had wanted to do that to save money. Do I or not? It would allow me to save money as well and get the kids a better gift.
Thoughts?


Mine are buy the gifts yourself. But prepare for the mood and nasty response when you do. Remember she wanted to separate, not you. The sooner she stops cake eating and puts on her 'big girl pants' (thanks Coach) the sooner she will realise what the separation and D will mean for her.

The sooner you do a 180 and act like you are separated, the quicker things will change.

Last edited by P17; 12/16/09 05:45 PM.

Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y
Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010

"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient."
"Delay is the antidote for anger"
Page 232 of 239 1 2 230 231 232 233 234 238 239

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard