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#1890413 - 12/10/09 05:54 AM Re: Hypocrisy [Re: *KS*Chick*]
libbyasking Offline
Member

Registered: 11/23/09
Posts: 318
I am very new to the MLC journey and read many posts on the forum for advice and support and also to know other people are out there.

When we start out on this rollercoaster none of us know the outcome eventually.

I don't view divorce as a failure but am glad to get advice from all LBS whose H/W have left due to MLC. Everyone one of us stands on the brink during the journey.

So thank you everyone married or divorced for your undestanding and support.

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#1890433 - 12/10/09 08:20 AM Re: Hypocrisy [Re: Mach1]
brandnewday Offline
Member

Registered: 04/25/05
Posts: 9678
Loc: Somewhere over the rainbow
Mach,

So what constitutes an Old Timer?

Is it someone who has been posting here for several years?

Or someone who is close to my age?

And whats up with the all of the flowery poetic scrawl going on?

Spit it out....

What the heck are you really trying to say?
_________________________
There can be no testimony without a test.
I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.

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#1890524 - 12/10/09 10:29 AM Re: Hypocrisy [Re: brandnewday]
Mach1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 3696
BND,

Flowery ? Poetic? Scrawl ?

Once a year, I allow myself to do that......

As far as being considered Old-Timers.

There was a post on another thread the other day where we were referred to as "old-timers". Just making a reference..... :p

What am I trying to say?

Just that there seems to be a gap in good MLC advice lately, and from people (at least me) who have been-there, done-that get to a point where they feel stuck dealing with OPS, and need a break.

Most of the good points and real advice that people need to hear, is not around anymore.

Hypocritical ? From me ? Probably, cause yes....I didn't post for a long time.

My thoughts ?

There are gaps in our time-frames with advice. It seems to be either those of us that have been here a while (2 years or more ), or newer people posting.

True, that while being in the trenches, advice is different. There doesn't seem to be a lot of that going on here anymore, with all the personal contact now. I.E.----the Alt.

So what ARE the boards now ?

A ton of expectations that status is the only way a person is successful or not.....MAJOR BS !!!!!!

KS.....YOU.....are not a failure. In no way shape or form.

An inspiration ? In many ways girl.

Muffin ? You are too....



I got called out on posting a while ago, and I'm tryin to be nice about it now.

But there are people here who could really provide some great insight , that don't share as much as they could.

Is that because of anger ? Or they feel like a failure? That they feel their advice sucks ?

I don't have that answer.

I DO know that if this stings a bit, it is probably true though. It stung a little for me.

I am guilty of that as well, and the Pirate called me out on that.

Work restrictions on internet (and no service on the battlefield) have kept me from being here as much as I should be. Not an excuse, just a reason.



So ......Muffin....

What exactly would you like on my thread ?

I kinda thought posting to others, that needed it, WAS the purpose of being here.

And if "status" really doesn't matter ( and with me it DOESN'T ), then regardless of my sh!t, my advice should be based on just that, my advice, not my situation....

If I had a "thread".....it would be serious for about three posts....




BND.....Sorry about the "butt" dial the other day, and I hope you are feeling well.... : )

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#1890540 - 12/10/09 10:45 AM Re: Hypocrisy [Re: Mach1]
brandnewday Offline
Member

Registered: 04/25/05
Posts: 9678
Loc: Somewhere over the rainbow
Mach,

How about we start from the begining.

You have never posted your whole story here before, it might actually be quite cathartic for you.

Nobody knows where you came from, you sort of just appeared under Jack's wing. How about some background.

Many of us who really are oldtimers and have been here for many years, do post when they have time. Some have developed friendships with others on the board and continue to maintain them, seeking advice from those that they trust.

Sometimes, this needs to be a place to absorb and glean from others rather then posting hypocrital posts and other nonsense.
_________________________
There can be no testimony without a test.
I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.

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#1890554 - 12/10/09 11:03 AM Re: Hypocrisy [Re: brandnewday]
Mach1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 3696
I'm not disagreeing with you....at all.

I called myself a hypocrite about posting.

I'm NOT calling out any of the so called "oldtimers" either....Don't misunderstand that.

Background ? Sure....I will do that soon...on MY thread.

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#1890558 - 12/10/09 11:06 AM Re: Hypocrisy [Re: Mach1]
still.struggling Offline
Member

Registered: 04/26/05
Posts: 6532
Guess who is back?!? Now let me see if I can remember how to post on here. wink As hard as it is for me I will even try to be nice...somewhat.

Quote:
There was a post on another thread the other day where we were referred to as "old-timers".


If you are an "old-timer" after being here for a little over a year what does that make me and the others who have been here for years? Ancient?

Quote:
Most of the good points and real advice that people need to hear, is not around anymore.


Maybe because some of them felt pushed away. They would give advice that maybe some people thought was too harsh and made to think they didn't count.

Quote:
True, that while being in the trenches, advice is different. There doesn't seem to be a lot of that going on here anymore, with all the personal contact now. I.E.----the Alt.


Or people just move on with their lives. I will be the first to admit I met some great people on here and they helped me out a lot. Sometimes I wonder if the "personal contact" is the right way to go. Sometimes talking to someone that doesn't know you helps more. If you know a person you tend to lean more toward saying what they want to hear instead of what they need to hear.

Quote:
What exactly would you like on my thread ?

I kinda thought posting to others, that needed it, WAS the purpose of being here.


Sometimes you need more than just an advice giver. It helps to read about a persons situation. How can someone accept any advice you give if they don't know what you are going thru yourself?

I have purposely stayed away from here because I find some people on here very judgemental. On occasion I do have friends who tell me to read what certain people are saying so I do come and read. I just never respond on here. I will either email or text them as I don't want to be blasted.

I will admit I miss my "friends" on here that have decided to delete me from their lives but I am a big girl and have moved on. I am happier now than I have been in a long time. I do credit some of it to the boards and all the wonderful people I met on here but the most credit goes to myself. I was the one who had to look outside the box and decide what was right for me. You can listen to advice on here all day every day but when it comes right down to it YOU are the only person who can decide which way to take your life.

Life is what you make of it.

Jack, I have never seen anything hypocritical come out of any of your posts so I don't know why you used "hypocrisy" in your title. I have found out some new stuff recently and it has made me respect you and all your life choices much more.

Quote:
It is hard to think or believe that the words are still good even when we find ourselves not living up to them, even in our hearts and head.


You can't live up to your words 100% of the time. No one is perfect.

I hope everyone has a magical holiday.
_________________________










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#1890688 - 12/10/09 01:39 PM Re: Hypocrisy [Re: still.struggling]
Jack_Three_Beans Offline
Moderator

Registered: 01/25/06
Posts: 11333
Quote:

I have found out some new stuff recently and it has made me respect you and all your life choices much more.


: ) Consider the source, every story has at least 3 sides to it.

Quote:

There was a post on another thread the other day where we were referred to as "old-timers".


I actually don't like it when people call out to the 'old-timers' for advice. Seems like in their heads the 'old-timers' are the ones who got their marriages back and such. You know that limited view of 'success' when people first come here.
Those posts are almost like a fence to keep out people with amazing advice but only a short time in here.

Cool thing about fences is that they can be climbed over. : )

I always viewed it as if I had pertinent insight, and felt I could invest in someone I should post to them. But I also had to see some growth in the person after a 'reasonable' ammount of time, otherwise my time could be better spent elsewhere.

You know, basically if you feel like an 'old-timer' you are.

Some of the newer people (by registry date) are giving out advice that would make Snodderly proud.

Yes I just called out Snodderly. To me Snodderly is always going to be the queen of the DB boards and I still always get a warm feeling when she says I have good advice. Like a pat on the head. I normally don't care what most people think of me...or I play that indifference off really well wink except Snodderly. I still remember when she came down hard on me and Smurf for shortening her name. I do care what my friends think of me.

I am not entirely sure where I am going with this, there are so many good points brought up by so many people I respect.

I think Mach s right there has been a gap in coverage. BTW your thread would be as serious as you needed it to be for the day. Your thread you set the pace and tone.

T2, no one should feel pushed away. If a poster is posting advice contrary to DBing, then I think it is perfectly fine to call them out on it, and usually there is a reason why they are. And no, I am not talking about anyone in particular.

KS,

I think you're one of the greatest.

But I'm going to do something you might not like.

Quote:

This is the person who for all intents and purposes was dating the happy cow during our marriage and lying about it. Who was dating the happy cow during our separation & divorce (and lying about it). The person who was dating the happy cow less than a year ago, but has a 5 month old baby, is engaged to be married...


wink Seriously I DO like you.

Quote:

he couldn't understand why I couldn't let the past go (I have)


You...ahhh....sure about that?

Quote:

That is what the newcomers board is all about. I gave some of my best advice to others when I was struggling the most with my own situation. Knowing the right words does not always mean obeying them.....


I have such a hard time posting on Newcomers...That place is like triage after a bombing. And I agree to the advice part some of my best thoughts were when I was hurting...but so was some of my most naive and fluffy bunny advice.

Ian is my friend, Ian is also the thorn in my ass. He keeps me level and grounded, he keeps my ego in check, and I am grateful, everytime I figuratively sit down. Ian came up with the term 'board persona'...which is amazingly true.

Jack is Jack here, but I am not Jack in real-life. I try to be. But, Jack is bigger than I am, better, through Jack I use the DB words when I am not living up to them.

Even when I am not/was not correctly DBing...I can still tell others what DBing should be. Hypocritical? Yes. Justified in mind, because I know what I should/should have been doing, and just because I was fukcing up, doesn't mean those I felt I was helping shouldn't still get help.

Reflective?
Must be the glitter. (screw you you can't get points if I take them away first)


Edited by Jack_Three_Beans (12/10/09 01:40 PM)
_________________________

Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet


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#1890708 - 12/10/09 01:58 PM Re: Hypocrisy [Re: Jack_Three_Beans]
*KS*Chick* Offline
Member

Registered: 10/12/06
Posts: 9916
Loc: Kansas...
actually Jack - I am past it, but it irks me when he lies to our daughter, and pulls her into "adult" situations and conversations. That's all man wink
_________________________
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am
I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon
~ Avril Lavigne ~
..."Nobody's Fool"...

me=ok /D'd since 7/07
D=ok

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#1890795 - 12/10/09 03:33 PM Re: Hypocrisy [Re: Jack_Three_Beans]
still.struggling Offline
Member

Registered: 04/26/05
Posts: 6532
Quote:
Quote:

I have found out some new stuff recently and it has made me respect you and all your life choices much more.



: ) Consider the source, every story has at least 3 sides to it.


The source is 100% trustworthy. grin

Quote:
T2, no one should feel pushed away. If a poster is posting advice contrary to DBing, then I think it is perfectly fine to call them out on it, and usually there is a reason why they are. And no, I am not talking about anyone in particular.


Being called out and being pushed away are 2 different things. I got called out many times as I believed sometimes you had to look outside the box. I was just the type of person who said what I felt whether it would hurt or not. Hell, even AmyC and I disagreed many times on here but we have never let that stand in our way. It has made our friendship stronger.
_________________________










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#1890830 - 12/10/09 04:09 PM Re: Hypocrisy [Re: still.struggling]
Lostforwords Offline
Member

Registered: 02/09/08
Posts: 1025
Loc: Asheville, NC
DB old-timer defined-Any poster who has made it through the newcomer triage stage. Whether they have saved their marriage or not is irrelevant....as in either case the scars and experiences are still there.

There is a ton of great experiences and opinions shared on here. I think the true definition of success here can't be measured by saved marriages...but more by regained individualism.

For myself...going on two years now...I would say that I am an old timer. I tend to read a lot and post little. Maybe for me it is impatience in that I see great advice from Jack, Mach, Puppy, Forrest, etc.....yet it takes so long for people to really HEAR that advice. I have moved on to the point that I only come here to check up on Jack and Ayk. Sometimes I post in more of a journaling format than looking for advice......put I have also defined my path at this point.

So how are you doing Jack? Hope Thanksgiving treated you well.
_________________________
"Be the changes you want to see in the world"

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