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#1880346 - 11/24/09 04:19 AM Re: Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2! [Re: sandi2]
BigJohn Offline
Member

Registered: 05/08/09
Posts: 444
Hey Sandi, good to hear from you! I appreciate you checking in on me from time to time. Same goes for IWITW and the rest of you fine folks. I don't think there is much to do or say right now as far as my W is concerned- she has made the conscious decision to guzzle as much of her own psychological/emotional Kool-Aid as she can, me, the kids and the rest of our extended family be damned.

It's gotten pretty sleazy and shameless between my W and OM- I won't bore you with the details. What is really sad and pathetic is the volatility of the R between my W and OM. He is apparently actively involved with another woman in his home state-my W is aware of this- and is using my W as an emotional Yo-Yo: one day they love each other, the next day they hate each other. The amount of effort my W is putting into trying to maintain the belief (in her head) that OM is a really good person (when she knows deep down he is a scumbag) and I am a bad person- to justify her love for him- is unbelievable. I don't know how long the sex talk, the promise of more sex and online gifts my W is plying the OM with can sustain this pathetic A/R of theirs and frankly I don't care. I doesn't matter because my W's fallback position remains that life will be wonderful as a single woman without me- despite increasing problems and tension between her and both of my sons.

Anyways, a little update on my sitch: my W has has found a place to move to here in town and is moving out this Friday. She has also been hired for a float/per diem nursing position in a neighboring community. Unfortunately, she doesn't start her new job for a few weeks, but that isn't stopping her from saying the hell with it and moving out now when our savings are almost completely dried up. Completely stupid since there is no guarantee that she will get much shift work- although the recruiter said they would keep her busy. I didn't completely like it because splitting up our remaining savings right now leaves me running close to on fumes financially but my L told me to seize the opportunity to get her out of the house- and everyone in my life who cares about me agreed. So I've given her 50% of our remaining savings and looking forward to having the house all to myself here pretty soon.
_________________________
M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
_______________________________

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#1882172 - 11/27/09 02:55 AM Re: Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2! [Re: BigJohn]
sandi2 Online
Member

Registered: 06/28/07
Posts: 10956
Once she is out of the house and she runs out of money, you won't be responsible to support her, will you? I wouldn't think so, but never know how different the laws may be from place to place.

I believe you will feel like a different person once she is out of there and you aren't be subjected to her personal business the way you are now. The less you know what is going on with her and OM, the better for you.

I sure hate that she didn't come to her senses b/c she's lost a good man in her life. When you start feeling like going out and meeting new people, you'll fine a wonderful person who will be just right for you. I truly believe that BJ.
_________________________
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!

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#1883022 - 11/29/09 08:29 AM Re: Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2! [Re: sandi2]
BigJohn Offline
Member

Registered: 05/08/09
Posts: 444
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Once she is out of the house and she runs out of money, you won't be responsible to support her, will you? I wouldn't think so, but never know how different the laws may be from place to place.


Well my L advised that there is a possibility that I may have to pay some alimony in the short term, but we don't anticipate it to be much since my W and I essentially make the same income.

Quote:
I believe you will feel like a different person once she is out of there and you aren't be subjected to her personal business the way you are now. The less you know what is going on with her and OM, the better for you.


I agree and I already am- she moved out this weekend. Supposedly, she and OM "broke up" recently- apparently he has found a local girl to fulfill his needs now- but that hasn't stopped my W from still wanting to go forward with the D. Whatever! I'm done putting up with all of her crap. Good luck being alone is all I can say to my W.

Quote:
When you start feeling like going out and meeting new people, you'll fine a wonderful person who will be just right for you. I truly believe that BJ.


I believe that I will too. Thank you Sandi.
_________________________
M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
_______________________________

Top
#1883421 - 11/30/09 02:49 AM Re: Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2! [Re: BigJohn]
iwantittowork Offline
Member

Registered: 04/27/09
Posts: 827
Loc: Massachusetts
BJ,

Happy to see you posting back again, and hope you find some peace when she is out.

These are tough weeks ahead with holidays, I find myself actively wishing my STBXW is miserable, and that is not a good place to be, I know, so keep watch for thoughts along those lines. I feel your in a better spot than me, in that respect, so don't think you'll have those issues.

Wishing you well man!
_________________________
M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."

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#1884251 - 12/01/09 06:33 AM Re: Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2! [Re: iwantittowork]
BigJohn Offline
Member

Registered: 05/08/09
Posts: 444
IWITW,

Thank you for the kind words. Although my W has still not completely moved out yet (she has physically moved but some of her stuff still remains- we hope to have the remainder of her personal property moved out this week)- I am already feeling a little peace of mind. We survived Thanksgiving OK but truth be told I'm feeling a little wistful about Christmas. But it is what it is. I just have to be strong for the kids and know that something good will eventually come out of all of this. It has to. Same goes for your sitch.
_________________________
M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
_______________________________

Top
#1884284 - 12/01/09 08:49 AM Re: Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2! [Re: BigJohn]
Butterfly1 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/09
Posts: 1836
Loc: California
The fat lady hasn't sung yet. OM is gone, and you'll have the space to be with yourself and she with hers. You never know how that will turn out, so remember to keep busy. An empty house is no fun so keep up some new activities.
_________________________
Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship

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#1884655 - 12/01/09 08:54 PM Re: Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2! [Re: Butterfly1]
iwantittowork Offline
Member

Registered: 04/27/09
Posts: 827
Loc: Massachusetts
Quote:
I just have to be strong for the kids and know that something good will eventually come out of all of this. It has to. Same goes for your sitch.


Thoughts to live by, currently. Thanks for your followups on my sitch. It's sad in a way, where we are, but good to know there are great people who understand what we are going through, and offer their thoughts, prayers and advice..
_________________________
M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."

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#1886464 - 12/04/09 02:32 AM Re: Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2! [Re: iwantittowork]
BigJohn Offline
Member

Registered: 05/08/09
Posts: 444
IWITW,

It's times like these where you really see which people are of good character and which are not. As far as I'm concerned, we LBSs here shouldn't feel so bad about our own predicaments as much as we should (first and foremost)for our children and secondly our spouses/STBX spouses. The children are the innocent victims in all of this BS and that is what gets me upset the most in my sitch. As for my W, she hasn't accepted any personal accountability for the problems in our MR. The same issues she had in our MR will undoubtedly carry over into any future R she has as will all of her shortcomings.
_________________________
M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
_______________________________

Top
#1886564 - 12/04/09 06:58 AM Re: Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2! [Re: BigJohn]
Butterfly1 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/09
Posts: 1836
Loc: California
Absolutely the truth!
_________________________
Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship

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#1891252 - 12/11/09 08:08 AM Re: Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2! [Re: Butterfly1]
BigJohn Offline
Member

Registered: 05/08/09
Posts: 444
bump
_________________________
M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
_______________________________

Top
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