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Skylar still hasn't eaten his breakfast. I knew this would mess with his head.

D14 said that XW was very happy he was there last night.


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Frank,

My H and I are informally sharing our dog. I had him for the first 6 months of our S, except when I was traveling. H had him while I was gone for the summer. I have him again, but H will when I leave town next week and for Xmas/NYs. Each time we exchange him, there are a few days to a week of adjustment to the new routine, but then he settles down.

If you really want to share your dog -- and in spite of the surprised responses of some here, I know several estranged couples that do so -- I suggest a two-week or monthly schedule. Just keep his food and routine and discipline as consistent as possible (like kids!) and he should be just fine.


M 65
H 64
T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08
Two Ds

Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
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frank_D Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Twink

If you really want to share your dog -- and in spite of the surprised responses of some here, I know several estranged couples that do so -- I suggest a two-week or monthly schedule. Just keep his food and routine and discipline as consistent as possible (like kids!) and he should be just fine.


The only problem is that he can't stay in her condo all day for up to 12 hours.


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apples vs. oranges.... there is no custody issues with your dog...

Ian


M- 48
XW- mentally 17
KIDS- 3- S19, D23, D28
Married- 17 years
Divorce final- 10/16/09

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frank_D Offline OP
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Today I am focusing on being the best man I can be. Letting go of the past and detaching from the people and events that take advantage of me.

XW is history. Yeah, she'll be in my life in small doses but like any poison, if you take it in small doses you can build up a tolerance for it.

But that doesn't really matter. What does matter is my thoughts. Because thoughts become your reality.

For too long I have thought that I was bad, didn't deserve good things, wasn't lovable. And look at my reality.

The truth is that I am lovable. Even XW loved me, she just didn't love herself. The same can be said for me.

I used to have this posted on my wall years ago:

"Think about what you really want"
"Expect Miracles"

I'm going to print it out and post it on my wall again.


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Nice sentiments, but remember, they are just words that help to frame a code or creed to live by. As you move forward, you should not need reminders or motivational printings to live your life with dignity such that your friends and family respect you. Disregard others (X and OM) and let them do whatever the hell they please.

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Originally Posted By: KerryK
Nice sentiments, but remember, they are just words that help to frame a code or creed to live by. As you move forward, you should not need reminders or motivational printings to live your life with dignity such that your friends and family respect you. Disregard others (X and OM) and let them do whatever the hell they please.


Agreed.


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Just went to the bank to close our joint checking account. It was hard to say "We're divorced so we don't need this account any more"

I guess you get used to it.


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Now you'll use checks with your name on them. You'll write them when you need to or want to and answer to no one. You'll use them to make your life and this world a better place. Your checks will carry your life forward.

One of the things you will come to learn is that you miss the "us" part of life more than the "X" part of "us". Start replacing those thoughts about what "was" with thoughts about what "can and will be". It doesn't happen all at once. Purge your coming days of the unfortunate past, one thought at a time. And know you would not have become the man you are going to be, if it were not for this past. But it is time to put it in its place and let it go.

Tell all your utilities or creditors and anyone who needs to know; then put those thought away with what you can not change. Begin contemplating what you can change. Some people use this forum to journal their crisis. Some use notebooks. At some point they find they no longer need to do so.

What they don't consider is that it is time to start a new journal. Think about one that isn't already half full of things you can't change. Start a journal with daily thoughts about what you have improved on, will work on, and enjoy. Check that list each day, each week, and see what happens.

And continue to use this forum to post the positives you will experience when you begin to look for them.

cool

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Thanks


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