Unstoppable

[dday101798]

NCB.

Stay cool and calm. You have a right to be upset, but tread on knowing you are the rational mind in this situation.

Whatever you do, DO NOT 'grill' the kids for info, if they volunteer info, acknowledge their statement and try to shift out to a different subject. I know it's difficult to keep emotions in check when it regards teh kids, but it's something you must do.

Oh, and as much you would want to think they wouldn't, they will make things sound worse than they really are, I learned this the hard way.

[NoCodeBlues]

Thanks, DDay,

I am remaining calm. I agree with what you're saying. I was just venting here. I will just file this all away and continue observing.

And worry not, I do not grill my S's -- I usually don't have to, as S8 sings about anything and everything without being bidden and without any prodding. Often when I wish I wasn't hearing what I was hearing. It's not practical to let S8 in on surprises, for example, as they will not remain secret for very long once he knows. It is just a part of his nature.

[dday101798]

Well, my S12 being special needs often times forgets that I wish to not hear anything of OM and slips up and makes a comment about him or what they did. I used to get bent up pretty bad, but I'm coming around on it. Granted nothing like this ever happened. As off the wall XW is there is no way she would allow that.

[Yoyowife]

NC,
It never gets easy hearing about the OP who helped with the downfall of our marriages, does it?

[NoCodeBlues]

I guess we have that in common too, DDay. S8 is also a special needs kid.

[NoCodeBlues]

Hi, Yoyo,

I would have a hard time with this if any strange person were trying to get this close to my kids -- the fact that xW's BF is also the OM/adultery partner just makes it an order of magnitude worse.

I don't think I will ever get to a point where this won't bother me.

[dday101798]

Yes, you will. In time, dreaded time, but it does get to a point when you'll realize that you have no control over what happens under her watch, and thinking that you can have that control will do nothing more than pronlong the 'healing process' and keep you bouncing back and forth between all isues instead of closing them out one at a time.

[NoCodeBlues]

xW sent me an email last night (two actually, the other on a different matter). The judge had signed our consent decree early last week, making our parenting agreement the "law". xW specifically agreed to settle her lawsuit and leaving our custody at 50-50 -- if I made some concessions and agreed to additional terms to be put into this agreement. One of those terms she asked for was that we both agreed to use a parenting coordinator (PC) to settle disputes we cannot settle amicably between us. Since my own L had offered the possibility of a PC during our original negotiations back in February, I had no problem with that particular requirement.

We got notice yesterday that the hearing to assign the PC was requested for Sept. 18. In response we found out that xW's first choice of PC is seeking 4k in retainer fees to be split between us. Ouch. I knew this candidate was going to be expensive and this just proves it.

Last night's email from xW was another doozy. She is now asking me whether a PC is really necessary if she and I can manage to just get along. Obviously she recognizes the expense of her choice in (1) requiring a PC and (2) the particular person she chose for this role.

I haven't responded to her. It is just more crazy-making nonsense from my former spouse. She was the one who wanted the D, who wanted to break off from negotiations when we failed to agree on child care provisions, wanted to file the custody suit against me, wanted to spend beau comp dollars on L fees, and then wanted to settle if I agreed to her stipulations including the PC. Now, she wants to waive the PC, even after we have signed the agreement?

I give up trying to figure her out. Just when I think she can't get any more ridiculous in her line of thinking, she does something to flabbergast me all over again. It's just so pathetic and disconcerting that I want to cry in hysteria sometimes. The pity is that I am so darn broke now because of her selfish attempts to eliminate me from our S's lives -- I entertain the idea of skipping the PC, but I don't think we really have a choice at this point. If only she had the wherewithal to think before she acts, neither of us might be in these straits.

So much waste, so much anguish, so much senselessness.

Eventually I must get to where I am numb to her. I sincerely feel I will get there, some day in the near future.

[dday101798]

With my JPA, which is supposed to be pretty much a text book written agreement, if XW and I can not come up with a ammicable solution to a dispute (in writing) then one of us can go back to the court and ask a mediation be recommended to resolve the dispute (at little to no cost) and if that route doesn't work than it's matter for a judge to decide.

Edit - but no, mine never ceases to amaze me either, at least now I can laugh about instead of get in hysterics.

[fightingirish]

(((((nc))))) I am so sorry that you are yet going through yet more crap with her. I don't blame you for being upset at all. I would be if I were in that situation!

She continues to cause anguish wherever she goes.

Im thinking of you.