This is WHY you need to set everything straight. Enough of her little dream world, its really digusting. And even the people that think she just started the relationship i would think would STILL be suprised because you guys only divorced in April for goodness sake...a little soon doncha think????
How could they trust eachother, when they are cheaters themselves??
I think she is insane, maybe trying to drive you there, but don't let her. Remember this is her messed up way of thinking and you will not be a part of it.
((((hugs)))
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
bleah, disgusting. For your own sanity, the less you think of their R the better, dont' ask, don't let people tell you, pull the STOP signs on your mind, her behavior is disgraceful, but the sooner you get her out of your mind the better it will be.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
NC, My H and I aren't even divorced and he is taking her out to very public places. He even went with her to son's ballgame at our local city park. He has taken her around people that know both of us. This was before I even filed for divorce.
Sad thing is that society has become so immune to infidelity and divorce I don't think they give it a second thought. What happened to the sanctity of marriage and family values? Has marriage and the family as we know it become disposable and a thing of the past? Sad.....
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
How could they trust each other, when they are cheaters themselves?
My very wise DD21 told me recently, "He cheated with her, he will cheat on her." Very sad that my daughter at such a young age has such a jaded view on relationships. At this time in her life she has huge doubts about ever being married and it lasting. DD lives with and works part time for her dad and is around them daily. He's even had the nerve to have the OW there when DD was home!
It's things like this that makes me realize that I'm doing the right thing by getting out of the marriage. My H is setting such a poor example for our daughters that I've got to do it.
You always set the right example for your boys, keep being strong.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I am trying to carry out my resolve to set the record straight but without it becoming an act of vengeance. That's not easy to do, and certainly to some that is how it might seem -- in fact, to hear xW talk about it, just the very fact that I even dare to defend myself from her attacks is seen as horribly mean and unfair on my part.
I've got to just tell her "tough cookies" and move on.
I have decided that I will no longer "play dumb" like I used to, before the D, in order to protect xW's reputation, even though she is still my S's mother -- especially now that I know she has definitely not shown any such discretion herself, even before the bomb.
Still, I must continue to ask for guidance from the Holy Spirit, so as to suppress these inclinations to act vindictively.
No, instead, the line I need to adhere to must be that which Paul wrote to the Ephesians about, where he advised "speaking the truth in love."
Yes, that's the trick, isn't it? To get them out of your mind even when you have to deal with them for the sake of the kids.
It bears repeating, it might have been easier to have dealt with the death of a spouse than to have to deal with the constant conflict with a belligerent, betraying one. I feel like my real W has died but her re-animated, demon-possessed corpse is still around wreaking as much havoc on the living as it can.
My ex was also taking OM around her "new" circle of friends and co-conspirators before our D was even filed. Actually, she was taking that scumbag around her family and my own children before she even had dropped the bomb. (I was completely oblivious to all of this at the time. I was such a dupe.)
I am sorry that your H is such a fool -- but it is most assuredly his loss.
I am glad that your DD's have a good, upstanding role model in you.
Well, today I had to take a sick day, for S4. Tuesday evneing when I picked him up, xW's mother (the crazed MIL) reported that he had thrown up all over her apartment. (I think I could tell she was very relieved I was taking him off her hands at that point.)
Sure enough, on the way back to my place, he upchucked all over my back seat. I mean, I couldn't believe he still had that much in him. S8 was overreacting and exclaiming at the deluge of vomit, demanding I put the windows down.
I got them home and inside. S4 had no fever, was actually only slightly cool to touch. He kind of refused to accept that he was sick, in fact, and when I told him to just sip his water, he ignored me and drank it down. And he had begun to work on eating a little chicken soup when he decided to stand up and barf all over the kitchen.
I still cannot believe how much a four-year old can hold in their stomach. My kitchen floor and adjoining carpet were covered.
The "pink stuff" I gave him came up too, not even having much of a chance to properly coat his stomach. And whenever I tried to give him more to replace what he lost, he would wretch and throw up some more liquid (where does it come from?)
I got him stable and he was ultimately able to at least keep the pink stuff down. He slept through the night without incident too, which I thank God for that. Still, I was up until the wee hours of the night, cleaning everything -- my car, the car seats, the floors, the carpet, all the clothes, his rain jacket, etc. etc. I was exhausted -- and feeling quite ill myself.
So the next day, I kept S4 home and took a sick day. By noon S4 was feeling like eating and was able to keep everything down. It was apparently one of those 24-hour stomach viruses -- he must have picked that up at the hourly daycare place that the MIL asked me to drop him off at on Monday while she went to her doctor's appointment. (Gee, thanks, MIL.)
But today he seems a-okay. Thank goodness.
xW took the opportunity again yesterday to try to micromanage my care of S4 with him being sick. Such a control-freak she is. I managed to calmly rebuff her, letting her know I had matters well in hand.
---
I am really beginning to think the worst in the situation with S8's (second grade) teacher. Maybe my still raw wounds of betrayal are making me overly wary than necessary, but both of my requests to seek a meeting with S8's teacher have gone unanswered. I am suspecting that my exW may be trying to win her over to support her case against me. I would hope that such a move on exW's part would backfire, but I cannot be certain of that.
Perhaps I am being paranoid. But then I was physically present and witnessed first-hand when exW shed her crocodile-tears and told S8's first grade teacher that his misconduct and poor behaviors were due to my behaviors and how I supposedly mistreated exW. I recall that vividly -- and so I realize that there really is justifiable cause for concern that exW has been trying to co-opt the support of S8's teachers.
I have since written a letter to the school counselor, asking for a meeting as well. It has been a week since I sent that via email, and the silence is beginning to bother me.
I hope this merely means they are choosing to stay out of this legal battle, which is understandable and fine by me, but I would think I would get some kind of response.
Sorry about S4. Glad it sounds like he's feeling better now! Good for you just brushing off the control freakness of your W.
Thanks for the laugh about your W's reanimated corpse, funny. You have to laugh sometimes. Yeah, she's a total control freak. I always think (mine is too ya know) that imagine how hard it is to deal with them for short periods of time--they have to live with themselves 24/7. I'd go crazy--oh, that's right they already have!
Ok, I know I drive you crazy with book recommendations, but I'm reading a really good one now. It's called When the Vow Breaks: A survival and recovery guide for Christians facing divorce by Joseph Kniskern. Some of it doesn't apply for you as it goes through the divorce process, but the emotional stuff I think is something we'll be dealing with for a while unfortunately. They have it on amazon if you want to check out the table of contents and first couple pages, or maybe you can check it out at your library or ILL or something....
Also, I don't think you're being paranoid at all. H likes to tell people (the testing evaluator and D9's child psych) that she doesn't have any meltdowns with him, she's just perfect; I guess the implication being it's all me and my fault. But S15 has told me several times that she has just as many meltdowns with H. I mean I guess he's either in total denial about D9 or wants to make me look bad, don't know, but how I deal with it is I'm just honest and upfront with everyone. I think people know the truth esp. as they get to know you better. Everyone tells me H seems creepy so I think the dishonesty kind of becomes apparent to people esp. after they get to know him. Maybe I'm naive, but I think it's all going to work out. We'll see I guess... Karen
I think I've run across that book before, but I can't recall whether I actually checked it out or not from the library.
I got a nasty email from xW this morning. She is asking why I am trying to "poison" her family and friends against her, claimed that she would "never" do such a thing against me (oh, reeeaaally?), blah, blah, blah.
Yep, mediation is looking like it will be the joke I suspected.
