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#1860018 - 10/22/09 06:23 AM Re: Need input [Re: CABBR]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Bill - you are showing a lot of dignity in your actions and I agree with everyone above in regard the router. As long as it doesn't stop you doing what you want to do, bin the damned thing!

Look after (((Bill))) and let your silly W come to terms with her bad judgement in her own good time. It will eat at her and she is the one that will end up feeling sick.

I wish that I had some words of wisdom for you Bill. All I have is my support and thoughts at this time. Allow yourself to be sad - it's a process and you have to start somewhere working through it. Sadness is good ... it's one step on from horror and disbelief.
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1860029 - 10/22/09 07:23 AM Re: Need input [Re: NoLongerHere]
Steve McQueen Offline
Member

Registered: 01/15/09
Posts: 1866
Originally Posted By: BillM
This is over. Sorry to say, but it's over.


important question here:

is there any desire to work through this with your wife or are you done. take a couple days or more to answer it if you have to.

in the meantime. do not dwell on this and get depressed. and do not go out and buy a new husqvarna (that guy's house looks like $hit with the plywood covering up the hole).

GO OUT AND HAVE THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE! it makes a difference.

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#1860046 - 10/22/09 08:54 AM Re: Need input [Re: NoLongerHere]
karen43 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/27/07
Posts: 4886
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: BillM

Who knows, maybe one day she'll see it as a big mistake and want to come back. But I don't know how I would accept that.
I think she probably will. The OM is the kind of guy that would sleep with a married woman with kids. When their R becomes "real" if he even wants that, it's the beginning of the end. But you need to move on, you can always make those decisions later if you need or want to.

The Saturday thing sounds good. You need to do lots of GALing now. I think it's a good thing that things are out in the open. The way she was blaming you for the problems in the R, is classic with those involved in EA/PA. With time, I've realized it's just easier for the WAS to rationalize it's all the LBS fault rather than look at themselves. My X had me believing I was the most horrible person ever; I think you'll find that your self-confidence and PMA and general feeling of good health will improve a lot once she's out of the house (my daily migraines disappeared I found).

Speaking of, how is that going? It seems like this upcoming weekend would be a good time right, if not before??? If she doesn't start packing up her stuff, I agree with robx about that.
_________________________
Me 49
D13, S19

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#1860051 - 10/22/09 08:57 AM Re: Need input [Re: Steve McQueen]
karen43 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/27/07
Posts: 4886
Loc: Florida

Quote:
important question here:

is there any desire to work through this with your wife or are you done. take a couple days or more to answer it if you have to.


Does it matter though? I think it's kind of pointless to try to figure out what you will want to do in say a month, or 3 months, or 6 months when his W decides she made a big mistake. Plus, you would still do the same whether you're done or not, have her move out while there's an OM, and GAL your butt off right?
_________________________
Me 49
D13, S19

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#1860059 - 10/22/09 09:10 AM Re: Need input [Re: karen43]
Steve McQueen Offline
Member

Registered: 01/15/09
Posts: 1866
yeah i taught it might matter. I was curious if Bill was going to be doing some divorce bustin' or booty bustin' in the near future?

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#1860102 - 10/22/09 10:38 AM Re: Need input [Re: Steve McQueen]
Esox Offline
Member

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 131
I'm sorry Bill.

Edited: you don't need to hear what I removed yet.







Edited by Esox (10/22/09 10:46 AM)
Edit Reason: Timing
_________________________
I'm a man . . .
But I can change . . .
If I have to . . .
I guess . . .

The Man's Prayer - Red Green

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#1860130 - 10/22/09 11:08 AM Re: Need input [Re: Esox]
NoLongerHere Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 1485
I guess it doesn't matter what I decided is "done" at this point, you guys are right about that.

I told her my sister is visiting Halloween weekend and I'd like her to be out of the house by then. Also told her I'd like to take the kids to my sister's for Thanksgiving.

Also asked her if I needed to be checked for diseases since we had sex two and a half weeks ago. She said no. So it's happened since then.

I've developed a friendship with a mutal friend - she's seperated, when I mentioned the divorce care support group she was interested. She came last night, the topic was about not developing new relationships, don't date, all that. Yeah - this is who I have lunch plans with on Saturday. Not that it's anything more than friends getting together, but that was a little... awkward...

W is taking the kids to her mother's this weekend.

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#1860138 - 10/22/09 11:16 AM Re: Need input [Re: NoLongerHere]
givingitmyall Offline
Member

Registered: 05/20/09
Posts: 3844
Loc: Southeast
Quote:
Also asked her if I needed to be checked for diseases since we had sex two and a half weeks ago. She said no. So it's happened since then.


I would get checked no matter what she told you. She was not truthful about seeing OM. Why would she be truthful about this? She may not even know the answer to your question.

Again, Bill, you are doing the right thing. You and your child must be your focus right now.
_________________________
Me 43, S11, D7
M13
Bomb 4/20/09
Current

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#1860217 - 10/22/09 12:54 PM Re: Need input [Re: givingitmyall]
Esox Offline
Member

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 131
Bill,

Waywards lie. They all do. I would get checked for STDs. Who knows how many other women this dude is doing.

I think you should give her Mother a call and tell her what her daughter is up to. Do this before she gets up there and spins this as you are a bad husband and all of that. Perhaps her Mother will slap some sense into her.

Also tell your family what is happening. You need some support. You've been gaslighted for so long now. This was never about you Bill, this is all about her and her affair.

Also even if this woman is just a friend, go out and enjoy her company. It has to feel good to know that some women find you good enough to invest some time.
_________________________
I'm a man . . .
But I can change . . .
If I have to . . .
I guess . . .

The Man's Prayer - Red Green

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#1860434 - 10/22/09 04:22 PM Re: Need input [Re: Esox]
LookingFrAnswers Offline
Member

Registered: 07/27/09
Posts: 342
Loc: OH
Bill,
I don't have any advice but you've got plenty here. Just my full support & so sorry for what you're going through. My 2 cents: You handled it so well, with total class. You sound so strong. Please take care of yourself & your kids. You have my support & are in my thoughts. Try to find some ways to be good to yourself especially in the next few days & weeks.
LFA

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