I'm allowing something wrong here. I'm still allowing W to be my emotional center when she's the one hurting me. I wait for her to get home, and then it hurts. I home home looking forward to seeing her, and it hurts.
I know I've taken what C has said as license. Stepped over the line to pursuit. Still, if the main point for W is intimacay, I'm trying to figure out how to address this in her mind.
I agree with this. And the C doesn't know your sitch that well yet. The more you let her know your sitch, I think the more helpful she'll be. And you have been pursuing, and I don't think your C would recommend that hopefully. I've seen this lately, someone in my life has been very pursuing, and it's a turnoff.
The vibrator friend of your W's sounds like poison, for your W and your marriage and family. Does she hang out with many friends like that? I think often times the friends you spend with can be very influential, either positive or negative.
I think detaching is very important. It helps lessen the pain and is esp. good for you. Someone posted a link to detachment and I love it and have read it several times. It's at: http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/ I don't think you can DB for very long without working on detachment.
I think you have gotten some great advice from Nell. Work on 180s, GAL sometimes away from your home, and GAL with your kids too. And everything that Nell said.
I went in to tell W that it was getting late and she should get up... and she pulled the covers back for me to get in "just for a moment."
See, last time around I would have seen this as a baby step. This is part of my problem I think - having been through this before, I want to map what happened then to what's happening now. Having W open up in this way was big the 1st time.
W has surrounded herself with friends that are going through seperation or divorce, have gone through divorce, or are unhappy in their marriages.
C did say take her out... W has agreed, I'm working on sitter arrangements. I'll revisit this with C tomorrow.
Well, I called and verified they've vacated the court date for 10/1.
Also over the weekend I worked on some of the financials. W owns a business, so her income is a bit tricky - but I did find documentation in our taxes to say she made much more than she claimed to in the papers she's filed. Sent an email to my L. Kind of felt relieved and horrible at the same time. This is one of her primary fears - how she's going to make it.
Aha - she's cranky because she's worried about money. She paid the bills tonight, commented about how she's going to have to get used to not having money.
I just said, "yep"
Our son lost a tooth, wrote a letter to the tooth fairy asking for more than he usually gets. This bothered my W a great deal, thinking about money and how things are going to change. Also in this conversation she also commented that the kids are going to get a big dose of reality soon, and that she's not ready to take the tooth fairy away from them.
She brought up the cost of Retro, and to my discredit, I said, you chose to spend money on a lawyer, I'll spend money on this. She said, you spent money on a lawyer too, and I said, well that wasn't my choice.
Then she asked me why I'm being so nasty tonight.
Yeah, now I'm getting pissed off. Why is she doing this??
Anyway, I softened up and listened to her worries. Didn't say much more about it.
Well my MIL will watch the kids for that weekend. I need to register.
Well, the good news is that I really didn't pursue tonight. Just sat on the other side of the room. She made a point of saying, how was your day, and I looked over and she waved at me.
Once we had the conversation about money, she decided to go downstairs to her room. I did check on her after awhile because she was upset, talked for a couple of minutes, not sure if that was good or bad. She thanked me for it.
The other good news is that my appetite has returned. Seems like suddenly I've got to eat dinner twice. Those 20 pounds may be on their way back.
Yeah - said W is getting best of both worlds, not getting to experience what it's like to be without me. She asked me why I don't move out for a little while.
I'm not prepared to move out right now, but I need to change what I'm doing.
So - completed the Retro paperwork, wrote out the registration check. Hopefully there won't be any problem at this point with the weekend being 10/9.
I told W thank you for doing it. She said, "I'm doing it because I care about you. Everybody thinks I'm crazy."
Crazy? Really? I wanted to ask questions about this but I didn't. What kind of world do we live in where this would be crazy??
We both have a detached attitude tonight. Some days she's playful, some days she tells me she misses me - right now she's got her walls up. I'm not feeling so needy either. That's good.
