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#1862553 - 10/26/09 05:48 PM Re: Free [Re: NoLongerHere]
Kettricken Offline
Member

Registered: 07/24/07
Posts: 884
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Originally Posted By: BillM
Kettricken, how the heck did you get out of the back of my head and get access to a keyboard?

Yes, I want to be very careful. For everyone's sake.


grin

You're going to do just fine, I know you are.

Keep the sense of humor, I think that helps you through better than almost anything else.
_________________________
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes.
Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert

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#1862604 - 10/26/09 07:18 PM Re: Free [Re: NoLongerHere]
Steve McQueen Offline
Member

Registered: 01/15/09
Posts: 1866
NO Kett. I am GETTING IT.

And I see where Bill is and where his wife is with this situation. and I am glad he moved quick. many many many people on this site do not and post here depressed that their spouses are actively involved in a relationship with someone else. seemingly doing nothing else to get themselves out of their situation.

what would we be saying to him if he was walking around with this ax in his back for a year? go out start dating? well good for Bill for realizing what is good for Bill. I personally found it a hell of alot mentally healthier to be giddy and confused about my friendship then to be confused and thinking how the hell do I get out of the house so I dont have to listen to this yelling. And yes, I truely believe it had my wife reconsidering the consequences of her behavior.

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#1862609 - 10/26/09 07:20 PM Re: Free [Re: Steve McQueen]
Kettricken Offline
Member

Registered: 07/24/07
Posts: 884
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Clearly we have differing viewpoints as to what constitutes the frying pan and what constitutes the fire. It's all cool.
_________________________
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes.
Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert

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#1862703 - 10/26/09 09:51 PM Re: Free [Re: Kettricken]
Esox Offline
Member

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 131
Bill,

You seem such a different person now that you have found that you don't need your wife to validate your worth. And I am so happy for you. That is all I've tried to say to you, perhaps badly at times, through our interactions.

If your wife feels the sting of you moving on, well, read some of your early post and perhaps your guilt? will be a bit assuaged a bit.

Take care.

_________________________
I'm a man . . .
But I can change . . .
If I have to . . .
I guess . . .

The Man's Prayer - Red Green

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#1863106 - 10/27/09 02:53 PM Re: Free [Re: Esox]
NoLongerHere Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 1485
Hey Esox - thanks - everything has been helpful! I've had a lot of moments of not thinking clearly.

If anyone has any doubts, moving on with your life really has the potential to turn your spouse around. Without details... my W was really trying to pull me in yesterday. And had some really - specific - ideas of how to hurt the woman I had seen.

I finally had to tell her, STOP IT. THis is the moment. Tell me to stay, right now, or else I'm moving on. It's one or the other.

And she said, I can't.

After she went to bed, I walked the dog and met up with my friend, and gave her full disclosure. This is not going to be an easy situation, and since you know my W you should be prepared that this might destroy your friendship. I told her, be careful, and everything must move very slowly. I'm not pushing you away, but you should choose what you want to do here.

Hm. Now, which was the frying pan, and which was the fire?

Seeing my C today. This is probably good timing.

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#1863112 - 10/27/09 03:04 PM Re: Free [Re: NoLongerHere]
chatterbug Offline
Member

Registered: 09/19/09
Posts: 2757
Wow Bill. Good luck. I do not have anything else to say.
_________________________
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul.
unconditional love is awesome!

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#1863118 - 10/27/09 03:08 PM Re: Free [Re: NoLongerHere]
robx Offline
Member

Registered: 01/14/09
Posts: 3082
Originally Posted By: BillM
Hey Esox - thanks - everything has been helpful! I've had a lot of moments of not thinking clearly.

If anyone has any doubts, moving on with your life really has the potential to turn your spouse around. Without details... my W was really trying to pull me in yesterday. And had some really - specific - ideas of how to hurt the woman I had seen.

I finally had to tell her, STOP IT. THis is the moment. Tell me to stay, right now, or else I'm moving on. It's one or the other.

And she said, I can't.

After she went to bed, I walked the dog and met up with my friend, and gave her full disclosure. This is not going to be an easy situation, and since you know my W you should be prepared that this might destroy your friendship. I told her, be careful, and everything must move very slowly. I'm not pushing you away, but you should choose what you want to do here.

Hm. Now, which was the frying pan, and which was the fire?

Seeing my C today. This is probably good timing.


She did that to test you to see if she could still control you to stay and let go of the other person, don't bother to ask her anymore, continue doing what you are doing. When she really wants you back, she will tell you and you will be in the position to say yes or no at that point - don't bother asking her anymore, she's still not ready, she doesn't like what's happening because she can see that you're moving on - she had all the power when she was making the decision to have an affair and move on, she can see now that she doesn't have that power anymore. Let her sit on this now, let her see that you aren't the 2nd option anymore - now she has to deal with the thought of losing you, don't present yourself as the 2nd option anymore.
_________________________
"...Well, my favorite color is light tan. My favourite animal is puppies. I like serving the Lord. Hiking, playing volleyball..."

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#1863155 - 10/27/09 03:59 PM Re: Free [Re: robx]
NoLongerHere Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 1485

That's not it, in my head anyway.

I will not use another person to manipulate the situation. That is wrong.

I'm imagining the situation where I cannot say yes. This isn't about being the second option - this is about not being an option at all. I had to ask her now. Cause otherwise I'm crossing the event horizon.

And I told her that too - my friend - I will not use you as a tool to manipulate this situation. If that worries you, then you should consider that.

I AM SUCH A FUN DATE!

Cutter, thank you. I can imagine what you, and others, are thinking.

I'm not such a good example of DBing at this point. Maybe I should stop posting about this situation.

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#1863156 - 10/27/09 03:59 PM Re: Free [Re: robx]
Steve McQueen Offline
Member

Registered: 01/15/09
Posts: 1866
to add a little to rob.

this is just the initial reaction TO HER REALIZING SHE IS NOW THE SECOND OPTION. read initial reaction. it takes a little longer before she starts back pedaling. just stick to the SCRIPT. those ultimatums do no good, didnt here, i think if you said something like, oh, ha, 'jolene' she's weird. she maybe an alien, it would have had more impact mentally.

dont talk about it anymore, in fact, it now needs to go underground. very secretive. enjoy those secretive affair brain chemicals. LOL. just kidding.

she will test you many many more times. and oh she will hate your friend. my wife went as far as to drag me into the backroom and jump me and get really vocal during a bbq at our house just to mark her 'territory' and come out looking like sex in front my friend. i'll tell more when i have time.

frying pan, fire. hahahahaha, you know you DB'd your friend pretty good too. she'll be chasing you now, also.

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#1863163 - 10/27/09 04:11 PM Re: Free [Re: Steve McQueen]
NoLongerHere Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 1485

I am uncomfortable with this.

My C appt is in 20 minutes, heading to the car.

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