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Amy I also have to say that even though I welcome your 2x4's and opinion (and that is why I asked for you) OW is just H's fantasy she has not initiated anything with H other than being his friend at work along with other mutual friends and I have had two of my friends that work with her verify this so I do not feel the least bit threatened by her now. I think she feels bad for what has hapened but, you are right I don't need to hear feedback from her (though I like to know weather or not H is steping over the only boundry that I have set. Your right WTF do I do with the info? The same thing I have been, driving myself nuts because I have it and can do nothing to change it.
I have made it clear to H and in plain english what I consider that to be at our last R talk. I fell if he crosses these I have to act and not let him cake eat, I have done enough of that. So aside from crucial info regaurding this boundry of cards gifts and personal talk, contact I will not discuss anything with her.

If any of you think im'e still being an idiot just come and hit me with another 2x4 to keep me in line. I welcome your in your face reality checks. It may take a few of them to really make me understand as Im'e still learning to detach after all this time and my H makes it hard for me to do. He's no idiot when to comes to that, he knows how to manipulate me and im'e just attached enough to let him.

Funny I always though of myself as pretty independent and self confident within our M and now I feel like I am unable to find me, Who am I.

How can I be doing this for so long and still be so screwed up?


JAK if I were you at this point I think I'd do what you said and request that H talk to his doc about depression meds and otherwise detach. You can't kill yourself over this. Not with lonliness or fighting to save the marriage. Sooner or later the other person has to stand up. You will know when that time has come for you and if he has still not made SOME kind of move, then you have a choice to make.

But in the interest of not living the rest of YOUR life thinking "what if..." you just HAVE to exhaust everything.

You will know when enough is enough.

And NO third party insight - be it from us or the fantasy woman - is 100% accurate.

In the end, you do what sits well with YOUR soul.
Sometimes it takes a long time to figure out just what that is, but when you do know - you will know and you will act appropriately and you will do so with peace whatever the case.

Anything that you are unsure about - do not do it.

The answers will come if you keep looking for them but look for them amid the normal routines of your days and night - that's where they will come from for you at this point.

Meanwhile, take some time for yourself.

I notice you do a LOT for others.

If you want to keep being helpful to others, you have to remember to take care of yourself.

;\)

Hang in there.





AmyC


P.S.: You are not "so screwed up".

Last edited by AmyC; 09/26/08 03:40 PM.
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Originally Posted By: tiredandlost
In Jak's defense, I talk to her frequently, and I don't honestly believe that this OW is like that. She has done nothing to make him believe that she is the least bit interested in her H. This is just a infatuation he has with her. There has been no "affair" per say, just his feelings for her in which the "ow" has openly let jak know every time he has made contact with her.

I know, I know what your all going to say, BUT there ARE decent people out there that are honest, and I believe that this is so in her case. There are such things as one -sided affairs or shall I say "fantasy affairs"

I have been prvy to other info that jak has told me personally, and what jak feels is completly accurate EXCEPT...



Hry Jak,

Like I said I am not familiar with your total sitch. Sorry if it sounded like I was getting on your case. But....

" infatuation " or not... telling someone to back off and I don't want any contact can't be tht hard.I still can't see why this OW can't just cut all ties......

hope thingswork out with doctor and maybe someday retro...

Dr LOve.


And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
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[/quote]d NO third party insight - be it from us or the fantasy woman - is 100% accurate.
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Amy,

I totally agree with this.

I am going to request to H about the Meds. I know I can't kill myself over this But, I am lonley and not in the physical sense since I get all that I want but in the emotional sense not, and I have fought for a long time for this M.


Quote:
But in the interest of not living the rest of YOUR life thinking "what if..." you just HAVE to exhaust everything. [quote]



I will before I make any decisions.

I do have to say that the insite of others here does help me to sort out what I want for myself and the M and help me to know that I am doing everything I can to save my M and if I chose to let go I can do so with a clear heart and clean consious. In the end everything I do or think needs to come from my head, my heart.

I need some time for me just have to find it.

Thanks

JAK


You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
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Quote:
[/quote]" infatuation " or not... telling someone to back off and I don't want any contact can't be tht hard.I still can't see why this OW can't just cut all ties......[quote]


Hey doc,

H works with OW and the job that she does does require some contact. H keeps approaching her and this has been confirmed. She has told him many times that their friendship is over and he keeps on trying.
H is still in fantasy land or denial or both. ;\)

HE has a job to do when he will step up and do the work remains the mystery. I am a work in progress also.

I hope that things go good with the Doc too.
Maybe some day Retro.

JAK

Last edited by jak58; 09/26/08 05:53 PM.

You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
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Mat,

Right now there is nothing I do for fun Im'e consumed with work work H's mom and home. Trying to find a balance with H but he is just as busy.

I like to go out with friends once in a while and as a matter of fact will be calling one next week for dinner.

I like to go to the fall fests around here and will be doing that in a couple of weeks. along with getting a new cut and color and probobly highlights. and my nails done these may be a dew weeks however.

How about you, tell me some ideas.

JAK


You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
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[/quote]P.S.: You are not "so screwed up".[quote]


Amy,

Maybe not but it certainly sometimes feels that way. \:\)

You guys can get on my case anytime you want.

JAK


You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
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Originally Posted By: jak58
How about you, tell me some ideas.

I am lousy in this department. I am either working (2 jobs still) or worrying about D18.

Hope you've had a good weekend! I hope your H will "see the light" SOON!

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I did put away my suitcase today.
I can't use it, sitting there as a threat, it's not right.
He doesn't need the pressure of seeing it there day after day. Hopefully i won't have to get it back out.

Mat,

Im'e sure you could think of something if you try hard enough.

Today I went apple picking and came home and made apple crisp the grand boys will be coming over for me to baby sit. Should have said no as this was the only day off i had this week.
I do need time for me.

I know tomorrow I am starting a strict diet exercise program.
The stress has me munching and im'e gaining weight like crazy unlike when I got the bomb and couldn't touch food.


JAK


You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
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The exercise will make you feel better too. I know its hard to get myself going, but once I do I get a little lift.

Hope you have a good week.


Me: 46 FWS: 36
Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07
Baby Girl born 3/08
Kicked him out because OW: 7/08
5/10 He realized what he had and lost.
Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
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Originally Posted By: jak58
I did put away my suitcase today.

Hope that brings you peace of mind!

Good luck with the diet and exercise program!

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