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#1860752 - 10/23/09 09:34 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: Lost Rabbit]
JCJ Offline
Member

Registered: 05/27/08
Posts: 3324
Loc: London, UK
Nell, all Gucci is saying is that you are still pursuing, which in all honestly you are. You are calling it coaxing.

It is good that h is coming at the weekend and there is nothing to stop you looking amazing, being self assured and ultimately fabulous. You are talking about throwing a bbq for the guy etc etc. There is something very attractive about a self-assured, confident woman. Be that woman.
_________________________
M- May 2006
D - Aug 2010
Now travelling the world

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#1860754 - 10/23/09 09:57 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: Lost Rabbit]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Thanks Rabbit ...

I know that Gucci speaks a lot of sense but I seem to have got more out of H lately by being more communicative and friendly toward him than when I was DB'ing hard and NC.

I appreciate the male perspective here as we gals stand to benefit from knowing what is in the mind of the male folk. However, not all men folk are the same and some have different agenda's. Whilst many WAHs are off with ow for a fling, I believe that some really are done and are serious about moving on with their lives - I think that my WAH is one of the latter. He's not an A person and that's why I think that our situation is now very, very serious.


Edited by Eskimo Nell (10/23/09 09:58 AM)
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1860760 - 10/23/09 10:25 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: JCJ]
Sanderika Offline
Member

Registered: 06/25/08
Posts: 761
Hi Nell,

Don't feel flat and empty just yet.

I would keep the upbeat emotions flowing in light of the upcoming weekend, if for no other reason. If you start to feel flat and empty (dwelling on ALL the problems at hand) it will show to others and you MUST be very much the opposite right now.

I agree with Julia, Gucci is simply stating that what you have been doing over the past 10 days or so is pursueing. I agree with him (them).

You need to learn how to DB effectively without pursueing.
Remember my "happy face" earlier this week. Pursueing, Pursueing, Pursueing.....Stupid me!!!!

DB the right way takes time. We, ladies, have been telling you stuff that has worked for us. Gucci, we love him, is telling you stuff that works also. Like Cas said it's all great advice from those of us who have been there and done that....you ultimately need to sort out the good ideas vs. the bad ones based on who you guys are personality wise and the history you share. We will tell you bad ideas if you give us the chance to do so....so keep coming here for advice, it's way better than any other on earth. Like someone else said "We have all been there and/or are there and the advice is priceless for what it costs." We are a family, we want to help.

Jump to me.....to enlighten you. My "happy face" didn't cause too much damage, H called last night and we had a wonderful hour long chat and laughed and had a great time. He is coming around. It's his timing and his comfort level. It's Sanderika being patient and time. Not to mention my personal DB techniques with H.

Nell, none of your DB friends are D yet (I think). We are full of ideas and have been able to bring our marriages to better places than when this all started. I think I am the record holder (in your current circle of DB friends) at 50 + months post-bomb. I brought my marriage FROM "I hate you, we are getting a D" and an H that was running away so fast he was on fire TO last night and a fun, meaningful conversation with H, a call he initiated (H said he wanted to call me right from work). YES, I understand that it has been 50 + months, it was my choice. This takes a lot of work and time. We make a choice DB and give it time and a world of patience.

What I am saying, see what the weekend holds. Let's see what happens, this will tell us where your H is at currently. Believe me, the rollercoaster ride will continue. It will be filled with ups and downs. YOU WILL NOT attract H back if you treat him any other way but kind, concerning, friendly, etc...just the way we all tell you to treat him. So do it!!

I will stay in touch over the weekend to help if I can, got to get ready for work.....(((((Hugs))))) I am a day behind you and I find that a problem. (Keep it in mind)

Sanderika

_________________________
ME48/H48MLC
T 33y
M 28y
S16
OW 8/7/05
Bomb 8/16/05
Sep 9/05
H f'd D 10/3/08
D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09
D dismissed 2/5/10
H served me D papers again 9/4/10
D dismissed 9/26/11

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#1860761 - 10/23/09 10:34 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: JCJ]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
JCJ - I know that I have pursued ... I can't lie about it but I don't feel that it's as blatant as I once was! I really do feel that there is slight progress from H and that's because I have been more communicative and more in control of myself.

H has just emailed to say that he will be down tomorrow morning. I WILL BE FABULOUS! I may also be a dog, if the situation arises - just read this really funny quote on someone's thread which had me in stitches:

"The grass is always greener on the other side till the neighbors dog shits in it. Be the dog".
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1860762 - 10/23/09 10:44 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: Sanderika]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Bless you Sanderika. Thanks for clarifying the Gucci advice and yes, I now see what he was saying much more clearly - I am a bit too sensitive sometimes and H was justified in always telling me that!

I feel more upbeat and knowing that H is coming by tomorrow has got me to thinking of all the ways in which I am going to behave. I shan't be acting excited - will keep that feeling inside. I shall ask him if he wants to go alone to pick up the garden stuff ... I have chores to do, afterall !!

I shall treat him as though he is a friend who has come around to do some chores for me.

I hope that work goes well Sanderika. I couldn't find your post but asked Cas and she lead me to you. Have posted there. Have a good day at work - yes, it's difficult for us on different continents and in different time zones too! Still, we are the family that prays and stays together so we will be here today and tomorrow - or whenever we are needed.

Take care.
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1860786 - 10/23/09 12:50 PM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: Eskimo Nell]
Lost Rabbit Offline
Member

Registered: 08/26/09
Posts: 1317
I just love the dog analogy, but just remember to keep pooing and not be the adoring puppy dog eyes and waggy tail pleased to see you version!

Sanderika if you have a minute would value your opinion on my sitch! TIA LR
_________________________
____________________________

W 47
H 47
M 24
T 30

Once lost but now found and happily married again!

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#1861303 - 10/23/09 11:45 PM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: Lost Rabbit]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Gotcha Rabbit!

Two and a half hours to 'the visit' but I'm still sat here in my PJ's and pondering how I will play this out. Thought that I would be in headless chicken mode but I'm chilled. There's nothing to do which would impress him and I'm not out to do that anyhow. H knows me - H knows our home. I'm putting on no shows.

Just going about my day ... he's here or he's not here ... not a care in the world.

OK - action stations ...........> > > > > !!!!
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1861309 - 10/23/09 11:49 PM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: Eskimo Nell]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Oh gee - if ever I needed sobering up, today's horoscope has just pulled me in to shape:

You might choose to follow your feelings today instead of your logic until a close friend or partner reminds you of your obligations. Others may be depending on you now, leaving you little room for mental flights of fancy. Nevertheless, you'll still probably slip away for a few quick daydreams, only to be snapped back to the present moment by a wake-up call from reality. Don't let your fantasies get in the way of what must be done.
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1861321 - 10/24/09 12:21 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: Eskimo Nell]
rockedworld Offline
Member

Registered: 09/21/09
Posts: 1256
((((Nell)))),
I've never posted on your thread before... quite new here. But, started following your sitch a few days ago and wanted you to know I'm keeping you in my prayers this weekend.
Rocked

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#1861403 - 10/24/09 06:24 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: rockedworld]
dolphin_05 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/21/09
Posts: 1432
Hi Nell,

Just wondering how your day has been and whether H has been to visit.

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