NOTICE: In order to help the OnLine Community run more efficiently, we will be pruning the boards over the next few weeks. If there are any Topics or Posts you want to keep, please save them soon.
Page 29 of 37 < 1 2 ... 27 28 29 30 31 ... 36 37 >
Topic Options
#1859538 - 10/21/09 10:55 AM Re: Need input [Re: CABBR]
NoLongerHere Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 1485
Thanks guys. Sheesh, don't know how I'm going to concentrate today. Yeah, I turned the router back off.
Well, meetings start in 5 minutes. Gotta focus on this part of my life now.

Top
#1859594 - 10/21/09 12:10 PM Re: Need input [Re: NoLongerHere]
NoLongerHere Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 1485
Wow.

So W called and left a message about the internet, asking if I had anything to do with it. I called her back.

I said, our boys live in our house, I live in that house. I will not enable you to disrespect us by doing what you've been doing.

She said she has work to get done, contract to get out, etc. and that I'm impeding her work and that I'm putting her in a position where she'll have to take legal action.

I told her to go to an internet cafe.

...

Top
#1859620 - 10/21/09 12:50 PM Re: Need input [Re: NoLongerHere]
robx Offline
Member

Registered: 01/14/09
Posts: 3082
"I pay for that internet access and that router is my equipment. Your work is your responsibility, I don't have to provide you with an internet connection to get your work done, that isn't my responsibility - you aren't my responsibility. How you get your work done is your responsibility - go to an internet cafe. go to a friends (OM) or work from a real office instead of home and as far as legal action is concerned, there is nothing you can do which forces me to provide you with internet connectivity: I can turn it on when I want to use it and turn it off when I don't or I can contact the service provider and cancel it altogether, I don't owe you anything. If you want to pursue legal action over me disconnecting the internet at our home, I invite you to do so, be my guest - either way it makes NO difference to me."
_________________________
"...Well, my favorite color is light tan. My favourite animal is puppies. I like serving the Lord. Hiking, playing volleyball..."

Top
#1859692 - 10/21/09 02:40 PM Re: Need input [Re: robx]
Steve McQueen Offline
Member

Registered: 01/15/09
Posts: 1866
"Its comments like these that have made me realize I'm not in love with you anymore. I care about you very much. You are the mother of my children, but I'm just not attracted to you. I love you but I am not in love with you if that makes any sense. I hope it does.

I have been doing alot of thinking and I think we need to be apart. This divorce is the right thing for us. Maybe we should see of we can speed the process up. But lets talk about this later, I need to get out of here, I'm going to go see how my mom is doing."

Top
#1859719 - 10/21/09 03:16 PM Re: Need input [Re: Steve McQueen]
NoLongerHere Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 1485
Well, I plan to keep my words spare.

Maybe something as simple as "I don't consider this your home anymore anyway."

To be honest, we have used it as one of her business expenses in our taxes. Be that as it may, what is she going to say? The internet stopped working and I refused to help her? All I said is that I wasn't going to enable her. But I don't want to turn this into a stupid game, or a stupid argument. I said what I had to say, and it was clear.

I considered going to the AT&T store and cancelling her cell phone - it's in my name - but that seems like it would be too much. That would be petty. And she does need to work.

Top
#1859725 - 10/21/09 03:22 PM Re: Need input [Re: NoLongerHere]
Steve McQueen Offline
Member

Registered: 01/15/09
Posts: 1866
Originally Posted By: BillM
Maybe something as simple as "I don't consider this your home anymore anyway."


thats an argument waiting to happen. the less you argue the more it pisses them off.

Top
#1859732 - 10/21/09 03:39 PM Re: Need input [Re: Steve McQueen]
NoLongerHere Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 1485
Yeah, you're right.

Top
#1859738 - 10/21/09 03:53 PM Re: Need input [Re: NoLongerHere]
robx Offline
Member

Registered: 01/14/09
Posts: 3082
Originally Posted By: BillM
Well, I plan to keep my words spare.

Maybe something as simple as "I don't consider this your home anymore anyway."

To be honest, we have used it as one of her business expenses in our taxes. Be that as it may, what is she going to say? The internet stopped working and I refused to help her? All I said is that I wasn't going to enable her. But I don't want to turn this into a stupid game, or a stupid argument. I said what I had to say, and it was clear.

I considered going to the AT&T store and cancelling her cell phone - it's in my name - but that seems like it would be too much. That would be petty. And she does need to work.


You are not still paying for her cell phone are you?

Say it ain't so.
_________________________
"...Well, my favorite color is light tan. My favourite animal is puppies. I like serving the Lord. Hiking, playing volleyball..."

Top
#1859994 - 10/22/09 12:37 AM Re: Need input [Re: robx]
NoLongerHere Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 1485
She confirmed that she's slept with him.

I told her again that she needs to move out, I do not want her here with me and the boys.

Sorry to say it, but I went in the bedroom and bawled my eyes out. And she came in and saw it.

Before that conversation, I told her I have lunch plans on Saturday, which she took as a date - that seemed to shake her up a bit.

This is over. Sorry to say, but it's over.

Who knows, maybe one day she'll see it as a big mistake and want to come back. But I don't know how I would accept that.

Top
#1859998 - 10/22/09 01:14 AM Re: Need input [Re: NoLongerHere]
robx Offline
Member

Registered: 01/14/09
Posts: 3082
well now you have motivation to become the WAS:

- you are leaving the marriage and it's your decision
- you are telling her to move out, it's your decision

If she talks to you again about this,
you have to be strong, no more of this crying business, you want to cry, do it somewhere she can't see or hear you while you're doing it, regardless of what most women say, when a man cries hard over a relationship they've lost with that specific woman, that woman will lose even more respect for him: it's a subconscious thing, they look at you and realize you're not strong, you're weak, ineffectual, insecure, broken and how can they be attracted to something/someone like that

"I don't love you anymore and I'm not in love with you"

"I can't believe I've wasted my life with someone like you"

"I can't look at you anymore"

"You're still here? Didn't I tell you to pack your things and leave? We'll arrange shared custody after you've left"

"Proceed with the separation/divorce, I want those things NOW but I want YOU to pay for them, I won't spend one cent on this and don't expect money from me either, in fact prepare for the opposite"

These are things you need to be ready to say,
generate fear of loss, you are now the walk away spouse.

Yes you are betrayed, you feel hurt, more hurt than ever before, something in you still wants her, you wouldn't be hurt if that was the case. Honestly, you suspected something like this already, now's it's out in the open and you have to accept that it's happened, it's the past and you're moving forward and moving on.

The date on saturday is a great idea, if she asks what's up you tell her "it's time for me to find out what this single life is all about, you've been holding me back, and it's time for me to enjoy relationships with other women"

Keep us posted Bill, it's hard but you're going to get through it and you're going to be a better man than you can possibly imagine.
_________________________
"...Well, my favorite color is light tan. My favourite animal is puppies. I like serving the Lord. Hiking, playing volleyball..."

Top
Page 29 of 37 < 1 2 ... 27 28 29 30 31 ... 36 37 >


Moderator:  dbmod, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004