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#1858108 - 10/19/09 10:27 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: NoLongerHere]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Hey (((Bill)))
Thanks for dropping in with your support - I love it when the guys come calling as, with most of us gals, we like the male perspective!!

Ooooh, I hear you! Family and friends become so ante-WAS that it becomes uncomfortable to discuss. ... I have had a few friends from back home who have dropped off the radar now because they can't cope with me defending H to them. If I can cope with the pain of what he's done, you think that they would too and keep their nebs out - I try to live by the theory that "if you have nothing good to say, don't say it" - evidently it's different here as we have to take the rough with the smooth because that's what will get us to doing the right things. However, I could not hurt my friends as they have hurt me - and most of their advice has been so hypocritical.

Too right it gets lonely. I often have a giggle to myself and wonder how many 'matches' Michelle could get if we opened this forum up as a dating board - there are so many good people here who seem to want the same thing out of life - so many who have experienced the same and would NEVER do it to anyone else. I have read so much from folk who seem to be making good relationships here and wonder how different their lives would be if they got it together and dumped the WASs from a great height - wouldn't that be divine retribution and just what many of them deserve??!!!!! LOL

I'm glad that you feel like me in wanting to say "can this be over now and we work it out together" ... I echo your words that your W said that she had worked on it for so long ... but you never knew what was in her head. Ditto for me and my H.

It's weird being alone again after having been a partner for so long, isn't it? You don't have to consider anyone else for anything else - not even down to the dinner you eat (alone) or the time you go to bed (alone) - nor even if anyone has fed the pets. It's all down to you - and you alone.

Hang on in there Bill and I would appreciate your (fast) response to the following, if you are around .... ?!!
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1858113 - 10/19/09 11:01 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: Eskimo Nell]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Well my friends, the day started curiously, and got even more so. I need some fast answers here so listen in!!

Got to work and started my day. Next thing, H emailed to say thank you for a warning that I had sent him, regarding some stores which have had a real hammering on card fraud.

I replied and asked how the conference in Sydney had panned out and he came back with another polite email saying that it was good but would evidently cause him more work - and lots more travelling. I validated this - especially the travel part as he has always been a bit envious (supportively so) of the opportunities that I have had to travel in my previous roles. He said that he thought the only down side was that he couldn't get Air Miles out of it ... I didn't rise to the bait as I normally would have, just in case he was meaning that the Air Miles would have been useful for visiting ow (I tried not to be overly sensitive here)!! I merely passed over that bit and said that it was good to have a conference which was useful as so often, most are not! I also said that it was awesome that he was getting out and about a bit more, rather than being stuck in the office.

To close, I described a situation last night where the cats had been so cute at play ... I know that he would have loved to have seen their antics and I told him about it - even though short and sweet.

I asked after his health (he was having palpitations) but he ignored that totally and there was no more back and forth emails. I considered that I had probably blown it at the last point. I became so busy with my work and as I was fairly content at what had transpired, I just got on with my day. When I got home I went through my usual routine and then turned on my computer ....

.... only to find that H had emailed again!! This time was to say that he was considering coming down at the weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As my regular readers will know, this is a HUGE breakthrough - not only in the amount of emails but that I only saw him the weekend before last. At that time, we had not discussed when he would come again and although I had asked him if he would assist me with some garden shopping at some stage, I never expected that he would remember, that he would really help or that it would be so soon!!!!!!!! I'm blown away.

Of course, all of that is the heart talking so now, the head must speak. Are his actions because:

1) he genuinely wants to help
2) I told him that the spa and lawn mower needed some attention
3) he wants to pick up more stuff from the house
4) he wants to see the cats
5) he wants to see me - well, more surprises have been known!!!!
6) he wants to keep his eye on the place and make sure that all of his efforts now will equate to a better valuation, if and when he carries out that threat?
7) he has more bad news to break to me
8) he knows that I was being SERIOUSLY checked out when driving up the Freeway this morning (!!!!!)

I haven't emailed him back yet in response but I am trying to keep calm and not show any excitement. I almost wanted to say "that's great and why not stop for a BBQ and a beer" but that might scare him right off. Instead, I am thinking:

"That would be really great if you could help out at the weekend" .... and then make sure that I have stuff here ready for a barbie, or, could offer to go out for something to eat, if not - don't want to scare him by having a vegetarians fridge packed with carnivorous produce!!

I REALLY expected pull back from him after the last weekend that he was here and this seems like a dream come true ... well, almost.

So, quick, quick ... what is my response?? H seems much more ready to engage with me these days if I don't "play games" and not answer him for a day (or several) at a time!!

It's crucial that I get this next bit right .... suggestions, PLEASE!!
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1858114 - 10/19/09 11:04 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: Eskimo Nell]
Lost Rabbit Offline
Member

Registered: 08/26/09
Posts: 1317
Nell & Bill I totally get where youre coming from, dont you just want to give them a good slap up the side of the head and shout enough is enough now FGS grow up. I'd certainly have done it with my S(21) a few times its seem silly saying to ones H. They could say dont treat me like a child but its hard not to when they are behaving no worse than a spoilt teenager. Keep your chin up both of you. Hugs
_________________________
____________________________

W 47
H 47
M 24
T 30

Once lost but now found and happily married again!

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#1858117 - 10/19/09 11:10 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: Lost Rabbit]
dolphin_05 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/21/09
Posts: 1432
Did H say why he was considering coming over this weekend?

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#1858121 - 10/19/09 11:20 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: dolphin_05]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
You really want to know Cas? ....

H said "I am considering coming down to get the sheep [manure] sorted out" .... ah, romance, it's never dead is it??!!! LOL

I had asked him to come with his car (he has a tow bolt) to help me shop for sheep sh ... manure!! I need a trailer or else I have to pay delivery charges and it seemed that H was open minded to helping out so here we are ....
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1858124 - 10/19/09 11:27 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: Eskimo Nell]
Lost Rabbit Offline
Member

Registered: 08/26/09
Posts: 1317
If sheep sh*t is a good enough excuse milk it girl lol! Replied to other burrow too!
_________________________
____________________________

W 47
H 47
M 24
T 30

Once lost but now found and happily married again!

Top
#1858126 - 10/19/09 11:32 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: Lost Rabbit]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
I'm more than happy to take this sh*t from him!!!!!!!!!

<grinning and giggling>
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

Top
#1858127 - 10/19/09 11:33 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: Eskimo Nell]
dolphin_05 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/21/09
Posts: 1432
I think you are on the right track about simply replying to say his help would be great this weekend. You're right about keeping calm and not showing excitement. In your mind you have to say H is doing me a favour and not try to read too much more into it. Perhaps having a bbq might be a bit much because as you don't eat meat it shows you had an expectation that he would stay by having meat on hand. However, I'd have a cold drink on hand and some nibblies which you just happen to keep in the fridge/cupboard. You can always pop out for a bite to eat or to grab some meat if the opportunity arises.

The emails are exciting and a real breakthrough and certainly his visit is a great move. From my own experience don't stuff it up as I so often did by being overly anxious/eager. Be cool and remember no expectations. He's helping you. That's awesome. Take it as a real positive and try not to read ulterior motives into it. Let him feel his way back quietly, slowly and calmly.

Hugs Nell,

Cas

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#1858134 - 10/19/09 12:15 PM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: dolphin_05]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Oh thanks Cas - and I know that you have given good advice.

I'm trying not to run away with myself here but it's hard not to take the crumbs when there has been such a long period of famine!

I am confident that by staying calm and not reacting to H, that's what has allowed him to come a step nearer so much sooner this time. It's worked once and I have to make it work again. I shall employ all the same techniques that I did last time. More of the same.

Of course, I'm no fool and I know that he must also want to pick up his mail, his Wii Sports (which I told him wasn't here and then I had to 'get it back' - even though it was hiding all the time in my cupboard) and generally check out what I am up to.

Oh, btw, I got the Men Walk and Women Talk book on Saturday. I wasn't concentrating on it too much however and so have given it a rest after the first 20 pages were too draining!! I will go back to it again though after all the effort it took to get it in to the Uni library - and of course, your kind recommendation. I need to have finished it before the weekend, right?!!
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

Top
#1858350 - 10/19/09 05:51 PM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: Eskimo Nell]
JCJ Offline
Member

Registered: 05/27/08
Posts: 3324
Loc: London, UK
Hi Nell

Yes, my question would have been the same as Cas's. Why was he coming over. My advice is just keep it simple. Do not make it look as if you are trying too hard or be overly enthusiastic(but perhaps some tight jeans with your wellingtons to show off the fabulous new body wouldn't hurt wink ).

Also, I would say don't go overboard with the barbie, in my books you can't beat a good bacon sarnie and then start cooking in the evening (veg not meat) and if he wants to stay fine but if he doesn't let him go. NO EXPECTATIONS smile

And I wanted to point out two bits of great divorce busting.

Quote:
I didn't rise to the bait as I normally would have, just in case he was meaning that the Air Miles would have been useful for visiting ow (I tried not to be overly sensitive here)!!

Quote:
I considered that I had probably blown it at the last point. I became so busy with my work and as I was fairly content at what had transpired, I just got on with my day.

I don't recognise the Nell of a few months ago. You are doing really great.
_________________________
M- May 2006
D - Aug 2010
Now travelling the world

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