Rabbit - yes, I guess it was a bit sneaky but it felt right at the time and I was SO close to his office! Actually, I was in a car park where we would often meet and grab a takeaway lunch. Guess that's what spurred me to SMS him in the first place - that and The Beatles playing on my in-car sounds! I love The Beatles!!
Sanderika - it's all swings and roundabouts price wise, throughout the world. I loved going home to some GREAT bargains last October and June ... don't seem to get any here - except for Pizza, of course!! All the bargains are in Canada, as far as I am concerned!
JCJ - I can't tell a lie - you are spot on, it was pursuing. 'Naughty Nell'!! I knew that I should have stopped but there was something in his second comment (I've abbreviated the texts here for obvious reasons) that made me believe that he thought that I was still going to go to his office and I just wanted to clarify that I was not.
Despite my email on Monday, asking him to let me know by Thursday what day he will be down at the weekend, still nothing. Fair enough, it's only Thursday morning but I get the feeling that he will not respond to that request and may just let me know on Friday to show that he is still in control. I shan't push either way - I have no plans for the weekend anyhow so if he just turns up, so be it. I will be ready. If I do happen to go out, then so be that too and he will have had a wasted journey!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
I may have learned how to DB a bit better but I still haven't brought any control back. H still hasn't emailed what day he is coming down and I'm certainly not going to ask him! It would not surprise me one little bit if he "changes his plans".
Been missing him quite badly today. As we approach the five month marker, I feel that it's a long time and the more water goes under the bridge, the less likely there will be a way back. I really want to say something to him which tells him that I am not ambivalent about our marriage - as I think that he now sees me. I think that he kind of feels that I have accepted that this is over. I've stopped pursuing (mostly!), no shouting, no screaming, no tempter tantrums, no anything ... just 'acceptance' and nothing else. I've given him stuff from the home, I've complied with so much that he wants. I've got a job and I've been financially supportive of him. He thinks that I am done ... I just don't know what to do next .... I don't want him to feel that way because as you know, I'm anything but done.
I know that this is supposed to be counter-intuitive - and it is! - but I feel that it's making my H dig his heels in even further. Yes, he's being nicer now, yes he's doing very slightly more than nothing .... but he's not doing anything terribly positive either when it's all boiled down. I don't want to keep on waiting ... I want to act.
Oh forgot to mention but no C appointments available for next Tuesday which means that I have to wait two weeks to go again. What am I going to do?? It's been a life-line to me this past ten weeks or so. Anyhow, using the opportunity to 'wean' me, C has said that it's a good idea to go 2 weekly now as I am making so much better progress! Only two weeks ago she was really worried about me because I had made no progress!! Ah well, mustn't grumble. I feel like I am starting to sound like a cracked record anyhow and I can't use her service for ever more just to have a sounding board once a week. That's what you guys are for!!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
I really want to say something to him which tells him that I am not ambivalent about our marriage - as I think that he now sees me. I think that he kind of feels that I have accepted that this is over. I've stopped pursuing (mostly!), no shouting, no screaming, no tempter tantrums, no anything ... just 'acceptance' and nothing else. I've given him stuff from the home, I've complied with so much that he wants. I've got a job and I've been financially supportive of him. He thinks that I am done ... I just don't know what to do next .... I don't want him to feel that way because as you know, I'm anything but done.
You are lying to yourself. You ARE still pursuing. Have been pursuing.
Quote:
Was at an appointment near H's place and stopped for some lunch as I had time. Realising how close I was, I sent a text to H to ask if he wanted me to drop in a card of his that I am holding. Told him:
Me: I'm in the neighbourhood and haven't got much time but could drop your card in
Quote:
Got to work and started my day. Next thing, H emailed to say thank you for a warning that I had sent him, regarding some stores which have had a real hammering on card fraud.
Quote:
To close, I described a situation last night where the cats had been so cute at play ... I know that he would have loved to have seen their antics and I told him about it - even though short and sweet.
I asked after his health (he was having palpitations) but he ignored that totally and there was no more back and forth emails.
Quote:
He said that he would respond to my previous emails when he gets back as his wifi connection was poor at the hotel.
Quote:
I was so concerned as to whether or not he was getting back at the weekend and, after having sent something to his work email address, his out of office confirmed that he will be back on Monday so I am now cock-a-hoop knowing that he will not be staying interstate at the weekend!
This has all been in the last 10 days or so. This is nothing but pursuit. He can FEEL it. Trust me. You have to stop this pursuing and then telling yourself you aren't. It isn't working.
I do trust you Gucci but it's so hard. I can't help what I feel. I am trying - REALLY I am. I'm just hurting so much and yet trying to do the right thing - I'm so scared that this is running away too fast ..... I have no control over what I want to hold on to so dearly.
I honestly thought that I had been doing better and that's why H is prepared to come down again - two weekends out of three.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Nell you have been doing better for you! Maybe take Gucci's words as food for thought! I know exactly how you feel, its as if H is within grasp and you cant resist the urge to just grab him but that WILL send him running, look how fast my H ran when I mentioned the word together lol!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
I should be grabbing H by the throat - that's what I should be doing. Gucci is always thought provoking but it has left me feeling flat and empty today and I haven't felt like that in a few weeks.
I believe that things were going much better between H and I - the last visit certainly showed that - the evidence that HE wanted to come over this weekend was a baby step as far as I was concerned. Everyone else thought that was great so why does Gucci feel that it is wrong?? This is not cake-eating coming from H - he's not so much as touched my hand for months now and nor he will until ow is well out of the picture. I know him and I know that for sure.
I'm so confused
The Gucci way seems to say "it's my way or the highway" in any dealings with H .... I know what my H would do if I made it that clear to him and then I've lost him for good. That's not what I want to do. I feel that I can afford to coax him slowly for a little longer ... I know that I have some time and I am not going to blow this, even though I would like results so very much quicker.
Again - I'm so confused
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Im with you on this one Nell, its right to set your boundaries, I dont think your H is cake eating, one pleasant visit doesnt constitute cake eating.
Now with me Gucci might have a point and Im not even competing with an OW just a dozy H lol!
Chin up and see what the weekend brings, you know your H better than anyone and as you said to Cas you have to take all the advice juggle it about and use what works "more of the same"
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
