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You know how much easier my life would be if we could have just have just worked this out together instead of getting this far out??? I'm sure just about everyone on this board has said that and honestly, we probably couldn't be trying to work it out if she had not hit bottom.

I'm just saying....


M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
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I've wondered the same thing.

It seems that we have to get to a certain point before we are willing to do things differently though.

It's too bad that it's that way.


Me: 35
W: 31
S:9
M: 10 years
Together 13
MySitch - Ups & Downs
She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
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Well I am getting the pull back. I knew it was coming I guess. After spending what I thought was quality time together since all this crap happened, the past few days have been her at her apt and me at the house. She is trying to slow things down when I don't necessarily want to. Probably is the right thing but we all know how hard that can be to do.

I feel like when we spend time apart it makes it easier to be apart. We can talk about this and I do not get angry about it but talk calmly. I guess I just don't know what I really want.

I am reading a book I picked up today...can't remember the name but the subject is being addicted to someone. It makes some sense and I wonder it I have some issues with trying to make something work no matter what the cost - regardless of whether or not I get anything out of the relationship.

Until tomorrow...


M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
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Have patience. I know 3 days can seem like an eternity, but it is only 3 days. Are you still conversing?


Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1
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How is she when you talk to her? Is she open and telling you that she needs a little space or is she just pulling away?


Me: 35
W: 31
S:9
M: 10 years
Together 13
MySitch - Ups & Downs
She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 234
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No she is telling me she wants the space. She is carrying a TON of guilt and says she needs to figure out why she did the things she did and how she can overcome and live with her BP. She wants to date and all those good things....BUT we are now not staying together during the week, her rings are off, she does not call/text during the day like she did...

I can't imagine what is going through her head, only mine....and honestly, I don't like this. I feel like I get pulled back into the fire weeks ago, learned so much, forgave her and we started working on things only to have her say STOP. Maybe it is the right thing but I feel like she has all the control now and I have none. I am going to work on getting myself back together and in control of myself but in the meantime I don't know what to do.


M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
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WTBB,

WOW!!! Just getting cought up on your sitch - been preoccupied with mu own little world.

This is wonderful! At least you know what's going on now, and have made some true progress. Stay strong, and don't forget to keep up with the changes youve made for yourself.

Hang in there!



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The patience thing is the hardest. I want to jump back in and get to work and she does not. She has really taken some steps back from me and is trying to re-assess her situation. She is adamant she has to "fix herself" before she can work on our relationship. This is 180 degree turn from the previous weeks. I think she got spooked some. she doesn't understand how I can still want to work on our R...she said if the roles were reversed she would have told me to get out.

There are breaks in the clouds....I just have to develop the patience to wait it out.


M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 719
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Hi WTBB,

Well, I think you need to respect her wishes for space. Take the time to work on yourself and children. Remember to GAL.

The wedding band thing would be troubling to me too, but don't try to mind read. I would say you need to take a step back and watch what happens. If she isn't slipping back into her old ways I would say that is a great sign. The meds will take a while to have a full affect, so expect her to go through some different stages.

Have patience and hang in there.


Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1
Joined: Jul 2009
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Made my last post before reading about the pull back. Sorry to hear about that, but you said you expected it, and from what I've read here and heard from Laurie, you were right to expect it. Go easy, don't smother her. Be supportive, but not too eager. Continue to GAL, and work on you. patience! Wait for the meds to kick in and help a bit. Time is your friend.



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