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#1852938 - 10/09/09 12:36 PM Re: Confronting the OM's W - pros & cons [Re: GH31]
etrain Offline
Member

Registered: 09/28/09
Posts: 273
Just sent an IM to OM's W through Facebook. It's the only way I know to contact her, short of calling their home phone.
It was a very difficult thing to do but, after discovering that my W and OM went on a "date" 2 nights ago, I had to do it.
I'll let you guys know when/if I get a response from his W.
_________________________
Me-39
W-31
S-4
Bomb- 9/5/09
Discovered EA- 9/15/09
Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09
W moved out 10/31/09

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#1852956 - 10/09/09 01:10 PM Re: Confronting the OM's W - pros & cons [Re: etrain]
Puppy Dog Tails Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/08
Posts: 18296
OK. Just be sure to tell her "I'm sorry to have to tell you this" and STICK TO THE FACTS. Don't embellish. Don't come across like you're doing this out of spite, or trying to grill her or blame her and her husband for this. Stick to "I thought you should know, so that you can plan accordingly" and "I'm really sorry to have to tell you this, but if the situation were reversed, I would certainly want to know."

Also, respect her privacy and tell her something like "If you don't want to discuss this with me any further, I will respect that; just let me know."

Prepare for your wife's wrath; steel yourself. As Coach would say:

"You can handle it."

Puppy
_________________________
"Still at the end of every hard-earned day, people find some reason to believe" -- Bruce Springsteen







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#1852957 - 10/09/09 01:10 PM Re: Confronting the OM's W - pros & cons [Re: Puppy Dog Tails]
Puppy Dog Tails Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/08
Posts: 18296
P.S. You may find that she already knows -- or at least suspected -- and you may also find out that this isn't his first time.
_________________________
"Still at the end of every hard-earned day, people find some reason to believe" -- Bruce Springsteen







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#1852962 - 10/09/09 01:17 PM Re: Confronting the OM's W - pros & cons [Re: Puppy Dog Tails]
etrain Offline
Member

Registered: 09/28/09
Posts: 273
Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
OK. Just be sure to tell her "I'm sorry to have to tell you this" and STICK TO THE FACTS. Don't embellish. Don't come across like you're doing this out of spite, or trying to grill her or blame her and her husband for this. Stick to "I thought you should know, so that you can plan accordingly" and "I'm really sorry to have to tell you this, but if the situation were reversed, I would certainly want to know."

Also, respect her privacy and tell her something like "If you don't want to discuss this with me any further, I will respect that; just let me know."

Prepare for your wife's wrath; steel yourself. As Coach would say:

"You can handle it."

Puppy


Did you read my email to her? laugh That's almost word for word what I typed.
_________________________
Me-39
W-31
S-4
Bomb- 9/5/09
Discovered EA- 9/15/09
Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09
W moved out 10/31/09

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#1853519 - 10/10/09 12:29 PM Re: Confronting the OM's W - pros & cons [Re: etrain]
etrain Offline
Member

Registered: 09/28/09
Posts: 273
Originally Posted By: etrain
Just sent an IM to OM's W through Facebook. It's the only way I know to contact her, short of calling their home phone.
It was a very difficult thing to do but, after discovering that my W and OM went on a "date" 2 nights ago, I had to do it.
I'll let you guys know when/if I get a response from his W.


No response from OM W yet. She either doesn't check her Facebook regularly or didn't feel comfortable sending me a reply.

Still waiting for my W to flip out when word of this gets back to her.
_________________________
Me-39
W-31
S-4
Bomb- 9/5/09
Discovered EA- 9/15/09
Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09
W moved out 10/31/09

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#1853543 - 10/10/09 02:15 PM Re: Confronting the OM's W - pros & cons [Re: etrain]
Puppy Dog Tails Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/08
Posts: 18296
Oh, you'll know when she's gotten it. Just look to the east (or whichever direction) for the mushroom cloud.
_________________________
"Still at the end of every hard-earned day, people find some reason to believe" -- Bruce Springsteen







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#1853562 - 10/10/09 03:32 PM Re: Confronting the OM's W - pros & cons [Re: Puppy Dog Tails]
Hope4us Offline
Member

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 1628
Loc: Ohio
Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
Oh, you'll know when she's gotten it. Just look to the east (or whichever direction) for the mushroom cloud.


Listen to Puppy, E.T. (ha, that sounds better than etrain), he's exactly correct.

When I exposed to OMW, my W came in, sat down on the couch and you could almost see the blood boiling up in her eyes. I let her go for about 15 minutes and then said "I figured you'd have something to say" and man, oh man, that opened the tsunami....

When it happens, and it will, just remember your line. "She deserved to know what was going on in her life". You'll get the chit storm of the century. Let it slide off your back. You just wrecked the little fantasy and she will be LIVID with a capital L. My W actually said "don't you think it was up to OM to tell his W?" I cooly responded "it's been going on for 9 months, when was he planning on telling her?" And then I got the "I was going to give you a chance, but boy oh boy, not now. You just wrecked any chance we had".

Pay it no attention. It's all gaslighting. Trying to get a response from you. I read on another site that when this one guys wayward wife was spewing at him for exposing, he said "she deserved to know the truth, would you like some chips?" And then he walked to the kitchen, got the chips and sat down to eat some. That will make her even more furious.

But it's ok. Your marriage can survive her anger, it can't survive a third person in it.

Keep your chin up.
_________________________
Hope4us

Me - 49, W 49
S22 & S18
Dday 9/4/07
W claims NC 4/7/08
8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.

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#1853583 - 10/10/09 04:40 PM Re: Confronting the OM's W - pros & cons [Re: Hope4us]
etrain Offline
Member

Registered: 09/28/09
Posts: 273
Bring on the mushroom cloud. I don't really care. My W has been a liar & a cheater and I don't owe her any type of explanation.
The crap must've already hit the fan at OM's house because he's no longer on my W's Facebook friends list. His W must be laying down the law.
_________________________
Me-39
W-31
S-4
Bomb- 9/5/09
Discovered EA- 9/15/09
Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09
W moved out 10/31/09

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#1853604 - 10/10/09 05:52 PM Re: Confronting the OM's W - pros & cons [Re: Hope4us]
KerryK Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 5992
Loc: Beaver State
Originally Posted By: Hope4us
And then I got the "I was going to give you a chance, but boy oh boy, not now. You just wrecked any chance we had".

I never had an OM W to inform, but I had stupidly communicated with W's brother (who told her mom). I heard the "We are Done" spew from W the next day. And she also said that she had planned to do things as a family just that very day, but now I had "destroyed her life and she was going out clubbing to F herself up and then live out on the street. Strangely, I had no pity for her at the time and thought it a bit humorous on how she could get so darn angry.

Dont believe anything your W says when she is in a rage. Just make sure there are no guns, knives or baseball bats nearby.
_________________________
Young divorced dad who lives half the time with a wonderful son (10) and daughter (8).

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#1854044 - 10/12/09 02:50 AM Re: Confronting the OM's W - pros & cons [Re: etrain]
GH31 Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/08
Posts: 626
Loc: Munich, Germany
Quote:
The crap must've already hit the fan at OM's house because he's no longer on my W's Facebook friends list. His W must be laying down the law.


Perfect, Etrain ... perfect.

I'm proud of you.
_________________________
Me & W: 36
T: 13
M: 10
W left: 01/28/08
Discovered OM: 02/26/08
W returned for 9 days: 04/08
W returned 05/21/08
EA/PA - 01/08-07/09
1 son born Dec '09
1 daughter born Nov '10


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