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#1798533 - 07/10/09 05:15 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
bluerain Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/08
Posts: 1501
Loc: Alaska
I know what you are saying. For a long time I was almost proud of myself for having this attitude that H made a terrible mistake, and wont it be so sad when he realizes what he lost. I was almost feeling sorry for him instead of being angry with him. I even said well, at least I dont have to be angry. And then it all changed. I got pi**ed and filled out his stinkin papers for him. Then his attitude changed. But without getting angry I dont think that I could have done what I still consider to be my most effective DBing.

Im sure that you could figure out how to talk with him about it without having it turn into a fight. Esp things like the homeowners insurance and electricity. And its business talk, not M talk, so I dont think it would be off limits!

He drives a porsche and you cant pay the electric bill!? sick
_________________________
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...

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#1798577 - 07/10/09 06:16 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: bluerain]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
yeah, i know, the porsche...does it scream midlife crisis or what? lol....

whats funny about the porsche is that it was a mlc purchase at the age of 28 and was his extra extra car.

now the corvette is gone and company bmw is gone.

he is left driving his extra extra car as his everyday car!!!!
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

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#1798583 - 07/10/09 06:21 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
Stronger Offline
Member

Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 986
Loc: Florida
Then it's time for a restraining order against this woman. That crap is just crazy.
And is he giving you ANYTHING in terms of monetary support? If not, then he!! yes it's time to talk to him about that. Someone will want to buy that car and there's nothing wrong with a Kia. And it gets better gas mileage. See how much OW likes cruisin' in that coke can.
_________________________
M-34/H-35/S-4
Bomb-11-08
OW confirmed 12-08-OW ends 6-09
D finalized 4-10
Stronger=Happy

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#1798610 - 07/10/09 07:04 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
Puppy Dog Tails Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/08
Posts: 18296
Yes, sit him down and YOU propose to HIM what you think his reasonable financial obligations are. Tell him that you're hoping you can handle this just between the two of you, but that you're prepared to do what you need to do to protect you and your son, make no mistake.

Have you put any pencil to paper as to what you think his obligations should be? Run it by a third party, too, as you're likely to NOT ask for as much as you should.

If need be, suggest using a mediator.

Puppy
_________________________
"Still at the end of every hard-earned day, people find some reason to believe" -- Bruce Springsteen







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#1798618 - 07/10/09 07:13 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: Puppy Dog Tails]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
its hard to say what his obligations are right now since the store closed and he has no job. his obligations technically are to pay for everything since i left my career to be a housewife and i do not work.

its a tough call but i will discuss the bills with him this weekend.

my cousin is a divorce attorney so i ask her advice for free rather than call my attorney and she tells me to present the bills to him, give him a chance to pay them. if he doesnt, and they are bills that affect me, i pay them with help from my family and keep a copy of all receipts/payments. and also put it in writing to him in email form regarding what i have paid.

of course she would like me to be moving forward legally but otherwise this is what i have to do in the meantime.
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

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#1798926 - 07/11/09 04:01 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
lost-n-Iowa Offline
Member

Registered: 02/03/09
Posts: 182
Loc: Iowa
I think that the advice you received from your cousin is the best way to go. It allows you to tell him what bills are due and ask him for the help in paying them plus if he can't help and you are stuck paying for them (and keeping the receipts) then you can show in court, if it comes to that, that you paid those bills and you may get compensated for it.

I do not think you should talk to him about the cell phone issue anymore. You have told him, he knows what she is doing, you are keeping a log in case you need it for later. What more can or should be done? Nothing except what the delete button can fix!!

One other peice of advice....Anger can be a good emotion to help you get through what is happening AS long as it does not consume you or gets in the way of rational thinking. Anger is fine from time to time just like crying, beating your head against the brick wall (LOL), screaming, feeling down, and the best emotion of all, a hot fudge sundae (LOL). These are emtions that all of us have gone through and some continue to go through and they can be healthy as long as we don't let the emtions control us.

Stay busy and have a great weekend!!
_________________________
Me-31
Him-28
D1-9
D2-6
Married 5-06
Seperated 12-07
He filed 1-08
Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08
Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09
Filed for D 4-28-09
Trying to make a go of it 6-09

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#1799021 - 07/11/09 11:32 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: lost-n-Iowa]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
went out with my friend last night, it was good to get out, beautiful night here....my friend is single so it is fun to have her take me to places where the happy hours are, although i am certainly not ready to be meeting anyone lol...always good for a people watching night - man, some of these people should look in a mirror! or worse, they do, and think its appropriate to walk out the door!

anyway, h had called before we left, i didnt talk, my son did.

i am going to have to call him, no idea when he is coming since his usual routine is out the window since he stopped working.

dont know what we are doing today, i would have liked to go to the beach or the pool, but it is cool here for this time of year, so it is even cooler at the shore...
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

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#1799171 - 07/11/09 07:10 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
bluerain Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/08
Posts: 1501
Loc: Alaska
I think that regardless of what his employment status is, his obligations will always be to make sure that his son is in a home with power and heat and that there is food on the table! I may be hesitant to present him with the cable, or cell phone bill, but I think that he should expect to help you with the vital utility bills.

Im glad that you got out. Even if you arent ready to meet anyone, going out and having a great time with your friends is good for your spirit!
_________________________
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...

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#1799207 - 07/11/09 08:57 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: bluerain]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
so i kept myself super busy today, and im proud because i started off the day sad...

went to the gym. then my husband's cousin (that i am very close with) called and asked if i am selling my patio set at my garage sale next week. i said, um, i guess i have to (hadnt really thought about it since i dont want to!) so she asked if i would be willing to sell it to her.

long story short, she already paid me and picked up the whole thing (its a big set)....

i was very upset to actually sell it, i was crying this morning - it really hits u...i remember when we bought it, for our new house, where we had dinner that night etc....

BUT - while crying, i put on my bathing suit, get son ready and went to a beautiful new pool club with giant water slides and water playgrounds...we were there all day and had a good time.

spoke to h, he called while i was there and tells me he isnt coming tomorrow morning will come monday or tues.

weird i think. im convinced he is working...
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

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#1799245 - 07/12/09 12:15 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
went out for dinner and to a new cupcake bakery for dessert - so good!

i have to say, i have kept rather busy, been out the last 3 nights for dinner and busy in between...

so why am i aching to call him? im not going to, but im truly aching to talk to him.

to talk to him about what, i do not know.

i have not sent a text in just about 3 weeks.

i saw he had called earlier when i wasnt home, i did not return the call, already spoke to him anyway.

i guess i should look on the bright side, perhaps if i wasnt so busy, i would be feeling even worse.

i just miss him.


Edited by mdoodles (07/12/09 12:15 AM)
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

Top
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