Get help from a Divorce Busting® Telephone Coach TODAY! We specialize in helping you get your marriage back on track, even when your spouse has one foot out the door. Don't be discouraged. We can help.
303-444-7004
or 800-664-2435
Page 44 of 100 < 1 2 ... 42 43 44 45 46 ... 99 100 >
Topic Options
#1798001 - 07/09/09 05:21 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
vickyd Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/08
Posts: 476
You go. Don't answer that phone!!! smile It's probably more effective anyway than fighting it out.

Top
#1798253 - 07/10/09 06:49 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: vickyd]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
it worked out well for me with the not answering the phone. i left the house to go to a friend for dinner. when i came home i saw h had called a few time. well, ha ha, not home!!! i did not return his call.

he is weird, sometimes he calls my cell too, sometimes not. whatever.

also saw a restricted caller called the house as well, no message...

made plans for tonight with a friend so i will have someone babysit my son.

trying to keep busy!
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

Top
#1798284 - 07/10/09 08:36 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
Stronger Offline
Member

Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 986
Loc: Florida
I guess I'm the whack job here.....but I think you need to tell him. I think you need to show him the caller ID and you need show him your cell phone. AND you need to stop deleting the messages. You need to sit him down and calmly tell him "This needs to stop. It's just annoying. It's sad. And if she's trying to make it look like I'm texting you, doing it from a computer, that's something that's just unfair and deceitful. You and I have a child together. For him and for us, we need to be solid. That crap is just spiteful. I don't know how else to describe it. I'm not talking to you about this again, but if I have to keep a running tally on how often she does this, I will. But really, I just want her to leave me alone. Can you help me with this, please?"

Why are you giving her a pass to be a psycho?
_________________________
M-34/H-35/S-4
Bomb-11-08
OW confirmed 12-08-OW ends 6-09
D finalized 4-10
Stronger=Happy

Top
#1798298 - 07/10/09 08:45 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: Stronger]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
no one is giving her a pass. he knows what she is doing, he knows she sent the messages to his phone.

its getting old. its stupid and its enough in giving her the satisfaction of getting a rise from us.

she is trying to get rid of me. trying to make us fight about her.

not happening anymore.

let her self-destruct on her own. let their relationship self-destruct without me.

i am keeping a call log and i get file harassment if i choose when i choose. he will have nothing to do with it.
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

Top
#1798335 - 07/10/09 09:19 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: Stronger]
Puppy Dog Tails Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/08
Posts: 18296
Originally Posted By: almostdonebut...


Why are you giving her a pass to be a psycho?


I don't think she's getting a "pass" at all. Doodles has made the tactical decision NOT to let the woman get a rise out of her, and to NOT let her husband see it getting a rise out of her, nor to make it look like she -- Doodles -- is in need of "rescue."

I think that's the right move. If Doodles were in a stronger emotional place right now that she could come across as a confident, laughing "omg, whatever! look at these messages, ha!" sort of thing, then maybe. But I think if she shows/mentions them to her husband, he will see her as being weak and whining.

Puppy
_________________________
"Still at the end of every hard-earned day, people find some reason to believe" -- Bruce Springsteen







Top
#1798420 - 07/10/09 11:05 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: Puppy Dog Tails]
vickyd Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/08
Posts: 476
I completely agree. being that I feel like I've done this over tons. Just to give some of my history, at first when ow would harass me, she use to tell my H that I'm harrassing her. He was conflicted and I would get upset that he didn't even believe me for sure. Then she would know that we're fighting about it. Then she would send me messages about her and H and we would fight again. Now that I'm at a place where I could care less (what is a text anyway otehr than electronic words is what I say), it's so much more peaceful adn in H's eyes, she looks like th freak. Have her look like the trouble maker. Doodles, I think you could eventually but maybe do waht I did and tell him at a later time and show that it wasn't even bothering you anymore. Be nonchalant... "ah she is so crazy but her craziness isn't bothering me anymore." It changes the whole cat and mouse game. IMHO

Top
#1798427 - 07/10/09 11:11 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: vickyd]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
thanks guys....just got back from a nice walk with a friend. beautiful day today...

i have definitely pulled back on the reporting to him. and even last week after she manipulated my number to call him and he apologized to me for accusing me, i was cool about it to him and i know it shocked him...

have plans tonight with my friend, my parents are coming to babysit....i know i shouldnt care what he thinks but i am happy to say once again that i wont be home 2 nights in a row when he calls...let him wonder and let me enjoy myself
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

Top
#1798436 - 07/10/09 11:17 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: vickyd]
Stronger Offline
Member

Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 986
Loc: Florida
and this is what I'm saying.....like a mature adult, sit him down and ask him to speak to her about her antics. "It's just annoying is all I'm saying. And really, I don't want to pay for her calling me anymore. If you could just let her know, I understand she wants to speak to me, I just don't understand why. Please, please let her know, I've nothing to say to her and she's got nothing I want to know."
Be a strong sexy woman, asking your husband to control his psycho. I would see that action from you, calm and realistic, as sexy in his eyes and at the same time, points out to H that she is crazy.
Also, it gives him a CHANCE TO HELP YOU and maybe he needs that right now after all he's screwed up. Maybe this lets him do something for you that lets him feel a little bit white knight-ish and I think he may want that. So if you do choose to do this, and he does go back to her to tell her to knock it off, THEN you drop it completely. And if he's successful, you tell him thank you so much for taking care of that annoying situation for me.
Just my thoughts.
_________________________
M-34/H-35/S-4
Bomb-11-08
OW confirmed 12-08-OW ends 6-09
D finalized 4-10
Stronger=Happy

Top
#1798449 - 07/10/09 11:26 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: Stronger]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
i have already done this. this has been going on a very long time and its enough of the drama.

nothing left to tell him and she is getting us to discuss her.

she doesnt listen to him.

not worth it. let her hit a brick wall.
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

Top
#1798478 - 07/10/09 12:00 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
i think my anger is setting in and may just allow me to get legal with him.

im so afraid to do it, so afraid to file a motion for an order of support. i dont want to do it.

but we have bills due, homeowners insurance, cable, electric etc.

and i get he isnt working. i get it. but the bills arent going away. and neither is his car, so how is that being paid?

there is money somewhere or the porsche would be gone by now...

what do u guys suggest? what do u think puppy?

do i attempt to dicuss the bills again with him, he never desserted me financially, is this just a product of the store closing and unemployment?

i dont want to get ugly, i really dont want to, but the bills need to be paid or a judge needs to tell him to get a job, even if its a low paying deli counter.
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

Top
Page 44 of 100 < 1 2 ... 42 43 44 45 46 ... 99 100 >


Moderator:  Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004