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The problem with sending her a message to call your cell is if you get a WRITTEN response, then what? You still won't know it's really from her.

Do you have a mutual friend who could be trusted to pass along a sealed message from you?

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They live in another state so I don't have any mutual friends or any way to contact in person.


Me-39
W-31
S-4
Bomb- 9/5/09
Discovered EA- 9/15/09
Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09
W moved out 10/31/09
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I sent the "please call my cell" message a couple hours ago...No call yet.
I'm still considering calling their home phone this evening.

Oh, and it is possible to block someone from finding you on Facebook. That leads me to believe my theory is correct...that OM intercepted my IM & blocked me from finding him or his W on Facebook again. Makes it more likely he responded under his W's acct. He's an IT guy. I'm sure he know how to get her acct info.


Me-39
W-31
S-4
Bomb- 9/5/09
Discovered EA- 9/15/09
Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09
W moved out 10/31/09
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Yep.

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Sounds fishy to me also.

Send her a certified letter that only she can sign for and you get a receipt that says she picked it up (the P.O will know which one you mean when you describe it).

In that letter, say "Please let me confirm, you are Mrs. xxx, wife of Mr. xxx. I sent you a note via FB. If you received my note via FB and it was truly you that replied to me, accept my apologies for bothering you, but I am suspicious it was intercepted by your H. If you did not receive my note on FB, there is some information I feel I need to share with you".

And go on from there.

That's what I had to do with OMW in my sitch. I couldn't find a phone number for her (she lives 1000 miles away) and I had to hire a PI to get her address. Sent a note certified and was able to go to the P.O. where they confirmed she'd picked it up even before I got the receipt back. She called me that night.

H4U.


Hope4us

Me - 49, W 49
S22 & S18
Dday 9/4/07
W claims NC 4/7/08
8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
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OM's W just called me. Said how difficult it was to call me, verified that she got my messages & asked if we could "just drop it". I said sure & apologized for bothering her. I feel bad now. But at least I know.


Me-39
W-31
S-4
Bomb- 9/5/09
Discovered EA- 9/15/09
Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09
W moved out 10/31/09
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You did the right thing by letting her know.

She may want to put her head in the sand for now or she does not want to deal with her marriage problems with another party or she has castrated her husband.

Dont feel bad about it.

And if the EA continues, you may not hear the last from her.

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Quote:
I feel bad now. But at least I know.


KerryK is right.

Feeling bad is OK. Avoiding doing the right thing is not OK.

You absolutely did the right thing by letting her know - I know it took some courage. The first time I confronted my wife's OM it took some courage but I was glad I did.

In time she will be grateful that you let her know. She is able to proceed forward based on reality and not an illusion ... and so are you.

Things in your situation will assume a different dynamic from here on.


Me: 46
W: 46
T: 23
M: 20
DS12
DD11
DS5

W left: 01/28/08
Discovered OM: 02/26/08
W back for 9 days: 04/08
W returned 05/21/08
EA/PA - 01/08-07/09
W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
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Thanks Kerry & GH. It was a difficult decision & one I wish I never had to make. I don't know if this will squash the A, but at least I can say I did all I could.


Me-39
W-31
S-4
Bomb- 9/5/09
Discovered EA- 9/15/09
Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09
W moved out 10/31/09
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,628
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E,

Well done. I know it's just about the toughest thing you've ever done.

Just be prepared for it to NOT end the A right away. Very rarely does exposure like that cause some miracle turn-around. What it does do is put pressure on the A.

You think your W and OM are having lovey dovey conversations right now? Nope. They're probably cussing your name and trying to figure out just what they're going to do now. And I would bet my next paycheck that your W is going to be putting a whole lot of pressure on OM. Kind of a sick, see what I've done for you kind of thing and if he's like a lot of OM, he's going to drop your W like a hot potato.

The key for you now is to DB your butt off. No angry outbursts. When she starts in on you for telling OMW, remember your line, "she deserved to know". And give her SPACE. Let her process what's going on. It may take a while, but your exposure to OMW will knock the fantasy of the A completely out of the ball park.

Then once the reality of it hits her, she'll come to see it for what it is/was and that's when your M has a chance. But again, it could take a while.

Patience, Patience.


Hope4us

Me - 49, W 49
S22 & S18
Dday 9/4/07
W claims NC 4/7/08
8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
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